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"Mother's Crooked Smile"
Cellophane pearls
Wrap the sidewalk
Tall in fallen worlds.
Concrete gasps
Grip at a swinging
Pendulums pass.
The sands of us
Bound by blood.
Each droplet expired
To become one
Of piece in attire.
The earth draped
In our brittle fingers;
Blistering gaze
Kisses the king's
Last clean palm,
Upon its shattering.
Our masterpiece,
Dropped to the sky.
Fallen from the eye
Of Satan to street.
The earth cries
From the bowels
Of porcelain smiles.
As the tears dry;
Dust is swallowed
Upon a devils
Settlement signed.
Forever higher
Falls evolution.
Confusion tires
Yet, burden of cracks
Surpass solution.
And here we stand:
We're knee deep
In a gift for land.
Given to Mother,
Yet not even she
Can be its lover.
As thin ice breaks,
Becomes puddle;
we stand in the way:
Ankle deep...
We're dammed it seems.
Troubles born;
Bastard by fearing
Fathers scorned.
The lines are drawn;
Mother's crooked smiles
wild ends nearing
Every last dawn,
Eclipsing the sun.
Mans greatest mistake.
Wrapped the earth
Within selfish pace.
Taped Mother's mouth;
Then crossed over
The bridge into rain.
Spared wet feet
By exchanging,
damp theory.
Blind minds race
For perspective;
The bats fold
Their ears in.
And here sings
the ignorant ode
to reversed thinking.
Now the selfish
Walk their cracks...
Eyes: black circles
Mark a Devils pact,
As they circle
The cracks exhale;
Gasping again...
But then to Inhale.
© Copyright 2005 Atticus
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very nice indeed...cool formating..and words clearly articulated..nice fusion of sharp vocab and a hint of street talk..
some nice solid imagery as well....
yea nice
peace
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Thanks alot man. Upping for some more feedback.
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I liked this..this peice was creatveive
and the format was good.....
the vocab and imagery was good
flow was smooth..nice peice...keep at it
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Yea I felt this too. The imagery and the sense of style that it was written in gave it its own flavor. The vocab gave it its own intellect. Mad Props
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Nice work atti.
The structure was great (which is a big help) always on point.. Well, not always but, mostly seemed good to me. The vocab was nice to say the least. I liked the complexity of the piece. The title and the piece itself were both very descriptive and I liked that.
Overall good pice atti.... keep @ it and lets collab !!
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Alright man, I told you on AIM that I would leave feed, because I knew it would not dissapoint me. And thats exactly why I enjoyed this. The concept was great, I loved the way you put together this whole peice, it was structured very nicely, and the lines couldnt get anymore of a poetic type. The imagiry was magnificent, I pictured everything in my head, see, some kids who would read this would think and say, "what the fuck is he talking about?" but I read this, and I say, "wow." Ha, it was a phat peice man, even for such a poetic type of peice, it had multies in it, which had suprised me and made this alot, alot better.
Overall, this peice was great, enjoyable to read, it wasnt to long, or to short, you used proper vocabulary, I liked it alot. Good job At, good job indeed. Im looking forward to seeing you drop more in here.
Peace.
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I really liked it actually. Had short lines that really hit me hard. Simple words that had strong diction to bring out the emotion.
Stay up.
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yo i was fealing this shit definatly....very good drop man.
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Thanks alot for the feedback everyone. Bloom, damn, I havent seen or heard from you in forever man... Lol since that 'Nine-Eleven' piece we dropped like a year ago. Glad to see your, back? Maybe? Oh, and if anyone would like me to return the favor leave a link or something so I can get to the piece. Thanks again.
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I loved the imagery in this piece, definatly caught my imagination
A nice topic to write to also, and your writing used the topic to its full potential
Very enjoyable read
I just wrote a piece 'Remembering You'
Feedback would be much appreciated
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And here we stand:
We're knee deep
In a gift for land.
Given to Mother,
Yet not even she
Can be its lover.
That was very deep, highly feeling that.
Very dope peice, Highly emotional
I like the rhyme scheme, adds more emotion to the peice.
Nice peice, AGAIN
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Lol, thanks alot D. Upping this to tryn get through the tourny entries gone PS drops.