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Temptation
Just to prove I got that conceptual shit.
Temptations... are impatient fruits of sensation.
Embracin' the faces of truth and fixation.
This place is the home of attempted ascension.
The doors of addiction are keys to affliction.
Pay attention for your senses are soon to die.
You and I, are dependant on a tomb of lies.
Daily doses, of potions that keep me vaguely focused.
maybe hopin against hope will keep me safely hopeless.
cause with hope, someone can always take it away.
This pain is the rain, this pill is pavin the way.
Trust drops bombs... I'm headed for an atomic winter.
logic withers, how can I pray when I'm a constant sinner.
Blasphemy. It leaves me alone with this casual magistry.
Can't look to God for my eyes sing a shameful rhapsody.
invalidated salivation, this aint just a spit in a booth.
This comes from experience, this verse is written in truth
What do you do?
Fight harder, like winds against high waters.
Old habits are like John McClane but die harder.
Red pill blue pill? Back in the day I'd pop em both.
Red light green light, you gotta know when to stop & go.
Stop actin kid. You're only as good as your own actions is.
Progress wit habits R as consistent as a hoes abstinence.
You just gotta keep on keepin on, at it.
You betta take lunesta and keep on sleepin on habits.
We construct our own demise, stay high til you fell.
You can break down the walls, if you build yourself.
The key is to understand that we are the walls.
To be effective, we must understand that we are the cause.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-357297p2.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-360145.html
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Re: Temptation
you have to put two links in here to pieces you have left feedback on or it will be closed....you can start with this piece here...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-360145.html
leave feedback on that and then copy and paste the link in here...then you have one more to go
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Re: Temptation
How do I make a link? Cuz I've already left feedback on one piece.
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Re: Temptation
i showed you how just check your mail box...
now to this piece
the piece actually started off good which is not surprising its just refreshing to see dudes come in here and actually be aware of what is going on around them...and not just dropping some garbage then givin a shout out to their neighborhood...but anyway...the imagery in the first part was decent and the emotion was decent as well...nice flow also. The second part is where you fell off a bit and you kinda seemed to rush things and start using the same words which made it kinda lose its appeal a little bit. However...I do see potential here once you grasp how to mix all the elements in one...you will be pretty good...peace up, A-town down
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Re: Temptation
this wasn't bad...I like the allusion to an addiction it went well with the title...
Temptation....you had room for more imagery but this was still good.
you had potential for better rhyme structures the rhythm of this piece was kinda stop and go....didn't really like that in this piece...
you didn't pull it off well...
pz and stay up....you're a good writer.
I think heads need to see more of your stuff though.