SSR Week One: Kuhn vs A Disciple (Disciple Wins via NS)

https://i.imgur.com/qpvB675.png

Welcome BACK to Sacred Scriptures! This week, we truly have something special! We're opening the season with fireworks as we dive into the shark infested waters with a Challenge week! It's simple really. Everybody has ONE topic, or theme I should say. Not only do you have the chance to win your battle, BUT the BEST piece of this week will earn a small cash prize! So, make sure to write your bloody heart out! This week's theme is ... TIME. Do whatever you want with that, just make sure you stay on topic or it'll hurt you in the votes and grand prize! Good luck to everybody!

Verses Due: 11:59PM Pacific Time, January 7th, 2022.
Votes Due: 11:59PM Pacific Time, January 9th, 2022.
3-0 is a KO, otherwise it's the first to 5.
No biting, recycling, or swaying (if a battle's open, do NOT discuss it)
50 lines max

@Kuhn
vs
@A Disciple

Checking in.. I'll post bymidnight.

Time

Time – True in Memories it is Everlasting
Or It can be defined as a passing - like the fisherman casting
Waiting… that’s what I think of
Pessimist or optimist, how ever you see it… it’s above
Above all it follows the notion of a rise or a fall
They say it’s everlasting – the most important of all
Time is defined as past, present or future in part
They say as it pasts it is even a suture for a broken heart
If time had wings I think it would be like a cocoon
But there is no prediction if it will heal or if it will wound
The only entity absolute - an existence
But time it isn’t always an assistance
It is something once lost – you can never get back
Only in the memories of the emotional baggage we pack
As we live by atomic clocks all counting down
The excitement or fear but none the less the hands will still go around
There can be a million clocks yet time is still one
Time is free at the most precious of costs especially when alone or when the match is won
It either flies so fast or there is too many seconds in a day
Father Time, what will you reveal as you give it then take It away?

@A.Disciple This wasnt bad. A little shallow in terms of delth, but its littered with subtle prose on the surface. It walks the line between bland & whimsical. You did a good job with the topic. Checked the time tie in box. Plot wise, this was subpar. It flowed well enough, thanks to simple mechanics. All in all, a decent drop. Honestly better then I was expecting.

This could’ve been a good contending piece against Kuhn! I wish he could have shown up for the match but it is what it is. I wonder if he knew it was happening already?? Should have tried to reach out to him on messenger or something I think. Eeek! Sucks he didn’t show.

But this was a cool little rhyme about time. I feel like you started to trail off toward the end and it could’ve ended stronger, or perhaps had a bigger overall concept to tie all the writing together in general, but it was good writing and I definitely see that you’ve got some skills and you’ve got potential to be a big contender in the league with a little more effort and polish on your wording! Like the “they say as it pasts” should have probably said “they say as it passes” and small things like that with your wording and language can be tightened up. Overall though the rhymes were dope and the flow of it was smooth until closer to the end where it felt like you maybe got distracted from the writing and just wrapped it up and submitted it. Keep them coming and keep showing up! Good luck in the league.

I feel like this was a pretty cool reflection on the concept of time and read quite smoothly. I feel like it lacks a bit of depth but with the approach you chose to the concept I can’t think of a way you could add to the piece so I can’t fault you for that. There’s no denying that you can write and there was some really nice lines in here specifically enjoyed the only entity line,and the can’t get back/emotional baggage one.think the flow got a little choppy towards the end but it wasn’t too much of a hindrance. I look forward to seeing more from you in the future