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Y'all should know the rules by now.
50 Line Limit
Verses due Friday, 11:59PM PT
Votes due Sunday, 11:59PM PT
3-0 = KO, anything else is first to five
As it's a non challenge week, there'll be a topics list. Pick at least one topic from the list and use it in your piece or suffer the consequences
Best of luck to both!
@Cody Nash
vs
@Echelon
Hey there. Write something dope Ech…
Once upon a time..
There was a little pig eating bacon stripes; while his mom was stripping on a asherah pole
BATTLE GOLD..BATTLE GOLD..BATTLE GOLD..
BATTLE ROYAL.. the little pig loved the bacon stripes; savor dip..
LABEL STICK.. BANQUET TIP..HIS PIGGY BANK BROKE TO A MILLION PIECES..
A ZILLION DISEASES..spread through the little pig..as he saw his mother get slaughtered..
WHY DID I EAT THOSE BACON STRIPES HE ASKED? HE WAS REALLY BOTHERED..
WHEN ONE DAY..the little pig died in his sleep..he had a epiphany..
TO WRITE A GOLDEN SYMPHONY..A FISH'S ASCENSION..
A WISH'S INVENTION..THE NEATHERDAL BATTLED THE CASTLE WALLS..
BATTLE SONG..CATTLE SONG..RATTLE SONG..NEATHERDAL..
WHEN SUDDENLEY..the bacon stripes he was eating turned to BACON STRIPS..
FOR IT DID NOTHING TO RETURN HIS MOTHER..OR SO IT DID..
FOR THE SONG WAS HEARD ACROSS THE PIG FARM.. REMEMBER A FISH'S ASCENSION..
A WISH'S INVENTION.. A WITCH CASTED A SPELL FROM THE GRAY HOUSE.. HEY/HAY DOUBT..
FOR THE SALEM WITCH.. LABEL STITCH.. MAPLE SYRUP WITH PANCAKE DRIP..
I AM NOTHING AND SOMETHING..I AM A LITTLE PIG FROM BACON STRIPS..
I DO NOT want to be eaten anymore..I ACCIDENTLEY ATE MY MOM FOR BREAKFAST..
When the banquet called.. I'm all out of money from the piggy bank..
SILLY RANK..SILLY SUN..SILLY SUN..SILLY SUN..
SILLY STONE SUN..SILLY STONE SUN..SILLY STONE SUN..
I am nothing and something.. I ORDERED BACON FROM OUT OF THE GROCERY STORE..
For what is a hero without the hyprocrtical notion to go to war?!?!
SOCIAL WAR.SOCIAL SCORE..SOCIAL SCORE..SOCIAL SCORE..
I am am a neatherdal that ate my MOM'S PUSSY..AND LOVED IT!!..
BACON STRIPS BITCH!!!
Seize the Day
The fallout of the drama through expansion of time…
All things circle back, it’s an elastic design.
dreams get crushed - won’t love you back when you try,
We want to be accepted, but when acceptance proves dry -
and social media’s a desert to your human desire?
You end up wishing for more while you tell them you’re “fine”…
Gatekeepers brag about their gas and their fire..
But this circle of bosses won’t pass you a light,
Don’t even try..your idols don’t love you, pay them no mind,
If you like their music I guess it’s only right to pay them a dime
But if you wanna be like them? That’s just a mistake…
Go from runnin’ the race to ending up in a chase,
fighting or flightin’ - such a dumbass exchange..
Surrender your cash…but don’t go ask for a raise…
Watching out the windows, distrusting your fate,
Hoping they’re gone…and hoping things changed,
Paranoid for your life via people you hate…
Seizing up…but wishin’ you were seizing the day,
Cold world…which don’t take seasons to say,
Salty about the outcome, guess the seasoning’s are great -
But who could really relate? you take it out on ya own equals,
Bitter for what they did, and how now you’re so feeble…
A sad clown is just a clown with no people…
A seamstress showed me patience, but I was out of the needle,
Hanging on by a thread..keeping no one around,
Filling my own head with lies, Pinocch’s nose would be proud!
My cup was once full, now overflowing with doubts,
It still takes all my urges not to expose what they’re ‘bout…
Pacing my house…I questioned every last move,
Went to a friend just to vent, overwhelmed by the truth…
That maybe I’d lost it, holding fear like a noose…
He didn’t wanna hear it - so I drank what I knew…
Downed a couple of cans, drove drunk on a cruise,
Ended up at my pad, cried for hours - it’s true…
I felt myself lose, I made up stories, and crashed…
Haunted… by a recently tormenting past; abhorrently slack,
to the point I wasn’t in a condition to have no body’s back,
Screamed at my love for it, like “this was only your plan!”
I felt exhausted, man…forgot my kids for a minute…
Grabbed our gun, sat on our bed, learned ALL of my limits -
As I held it to my head, staring forward, blurred vision…
Hammer jammed…trigger stuck, peanut butter condition,
Then I put it back down, crying eyes…hurt and twisted,
Mom and brother came and talked, til I was sober and listenin’
They scolded me on my kids…reminded me of the picture,
Said they’re happy I’m here..that day coulda been different…
Trying to care when it felt like no body did..
thoughts growin’ to widths -
my brain couldn’t knowingly hit; the chamber echoed a miss…
Seizing the the day as it seized in my wrist,
Therapy’s helping…’cause lately? I believe in the shit,
Like social media - one day you could leave in a *CLICK*
Went from feeling like a loser to only seein’ the win..
Now I’m just grateful to be here believin’ in this.
Echelon - the underlined text is quite ugly and presentation is important for topicals, a wall of text has to look as poetic as it’s written imo. Cool concept of s piece though but I’d have left out him dying in his sleep until the end as a reveal.
Cody - rhyme scheme was nice, some really well worded lines and it read quite poetically. Especially liked the social media can end with a click line and really nice closer with the grateful to believe in this, I really felt that, I found about a quarter of the way through it got a little choppy but by no means awful it’s just a testiment to how well the rest flowed that it was noticeable
V/Cody
Not gonna bother feeding AJ's piece based on the fact that he never takes this shit seriously and misspelled 'bacon strips' several times through out his piece. Really wish you'd go back to the writer you used to be but thanks for showing.
Cody, deep piece about a personal experience with suicide. Really glad that gun jammed or we wouldn't be having this conversation today. Your wording and flow was crisp from beginning to end and once again, I think you might've dropped the verse of the week. Sorry for the lack of feedback but it's a pretty clear winner to me and there's nothing for me to really nitpick in this personally.
Vote - clear winner = Cody Nash
Ech, This was par for the special course you play on. Cool multis, bro.
Nash, this was dope in all the right ways. Solid mechanics, and an easy to follow flow. Topic wise, you really set this up nicely & the pay off was there. Got to love the contrast in the piece, going from conflict to clarity. Honestly, cant find anything I dont like. Good shit.
Vote - Nash
Echelon if you could just transition your thoughts into a more profound cadence you could be doing yourself justice but none the less a cool read i liked your thoughts here and there just need more diction and direction of where you want to take your verses
Cody- this wasnt needed to be quite honest. You saw what he dropped and you still decided to obliterate him with your writing. Such mercy spared i see hahaha... Jokes aside this piece was dabbled into a direction you wanted to sustain from start to finish. The emotion your possess with detail has always been the suite you wore well and a passion you so effortlessly display. The word choices were for me a little iffy for my taste now and days but the cadence through out just stuck and after our wording and similies tutorial of your rhyme schemes ive become rather intrigued by the algorithm you pose. The context you laid to narrate in your story was wonderful. A solid drop.
V/ cry
Nash Wins 4-0