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@Laureate
Check-ins always preferred.
Open Topic or you can ask me to pick something if you prefer?
I prefer both have an assigned topic to be honest.
Due in a week of the thread going up. Let’s make this good. Line limits same as last round.
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LOL @ seni. Autocorrect did me dirty, can’t edit it sorry.
Regardless, threads up. Check in. I’ll be here.
Here, whatever topic you'd like
A fantastical surge, an unpractical urge
To empower the followers fanatical merge
All ambition purged, when consuming his words
Stampeding emotions in empty adjectives and verbs.
He appeals to the stupid, their hateful exuberance
Steals money and time when asked for just two cents
The message is lucid, though decidedly foolish
Treating facts and humility as a castaway nuisance.
Bare in mind barren minds are sponges for knowledge
So sly Foxes prey on the vulnerable, no college
Like a tiger hungrily surveying potential
A predator preys on those who pray, existential
Sheep hungry for excuses to validate their own hate
Mind controlled thoughtless zombies Press on, regulate
Individualism forgotten with no contradicting stance
Voice not their own, follow to the Right, line dance.
Careful words chosen for affect with no care for word's effect
Views align to detect and shame those who dare defect
But ones who grasp and evolve unique aspect topics
Break chains of derelict logic, kick in doors and don't knock it
Enlightened decisions can spark forward revision,
Of intolerant politics fueling rash decisions
Humanity has to see pathways free from pageantry
And science is seen not magically, but as a future that can be.
Seek harmony not power, follow helpful signs,
You can be a lion, but leave the pride behind.
I walked with kings.
A Bengali dynasty characterised by His Majesty’s stripes
that ran through our vibrant fur as we once had the land of the tigers.
We would stand here defiantly,
gathered with pride at the mountains peak,
looking down at the expansive horizon we
managed to climb.
It was empowering seeing how far we had come —
starting from nothing at the heart of the jungle from which our palatial gardens would run.
We were the snarling guardians of it,
protecting our kingdom and everything in it.
The sun slept when we permitted.
Nightfall bled in the distance only once royal ascendence was given.
The end of an empirical era that fell with the trees.
We met them with fearlessness, but in the end were defeated by their armies of men and machines.
The emperors epoch was in its final throes. You could taste it in the air,
change was everywhere we looked before they chased us and ensnared our kind in cages they prepared.
Once the sedation starting wearing off, reality bit us —
We were actually victims that just happened to live in the habitat given.
In fact we were prisoners here, held against our consent,
pacing the fences constraints with conjecture as our patience was tested.
Day after day came the endless streams of wardens that visit
while walking the limitations of the boundary walls of our prison.
They saw us as different.
We were animals, too wild to be trusted,
snatched from our natural environment where we lived life to the fullest.
Our burnt-orange pattern as passionate as the fires in our stomachs
against the blacks of our back stripes that would run and hide our true colours.
The vertical lines on the hunters fur had parallels with the bars
that kept them from charging with the freedom they held when at large.
Now we’re treated like meat is, they’ve kept us at arms length,
bled until empty and heartless then left us discarded.
Yet beneath my steadying calmness, the focus is clear,
eyes cold and as steeled and the metallic gate posts that hold us in here.
I show them no fear, only contempt as I lick at my wounds
the taste of victory looming as I look out across the kingdom I knew.
I drink in the view, watching them as they’re watching me,
The prisoner who they thought they held under lock and key
may have been a keen observationist, but never their novel commodity.
This may be one of their properties now, but it belonged to our King for ages,
The humans are prisoners of their own doing.
They just build bigger cages.
Lau- I really enjoyed the way the first and last verse flowed was flawless to read and decent multi syllable rhymes. I feel like the middle two verses were switched up and I wasn’t really feeling it after how much I enjoyed the way the first verse flowed. I see there were break in cadences in purposeful places in the second and third tho so I’m guessing it was intentional to add variety and not just lazy writing. You had a couple of lines that stood out reand good lines that make me think are my tipple with topicals; most notable ones are steal money and time for two cents and the closer. Nice read
Baron - I really enjoyed the concept here I mean it was pretty state what the picture shows but the irony you tied it all together with at the end was really nice. I feel like the second half or so of your verse was stronger than the first half which I found a little difficult to get into the flow of things. However saying that it was a pretty thought provoking piece
Overall I really enjoyed reading both these for different reasons. Lau read better and had nicer lines whereas barons was very thought provoking. I wouldn’t be mad if either of you won this but when I think of what a topical actual is lau ticked a couple more boxes for me than baron
V/lau
I'm going to vote on this. Just give me an hour or so. This is probably the only topical battle I've really been excited about in the past 28 going on 29 years. I read it briefly a few days back and I really, really enjoyed it.
i haven’t read or voted in years so i’m not sure if i remember how to read , infer or vote. but count it if it’s solid ….
laur -
read as a political take to topic that i thought was pretty cool. i think the way i read it ultimately was to say the tiger lording over the city was falsely identifying and be recognized while there is a true leader (lions for the cat correlation) in morality that should supersede the visual illusion of strength ? at least that was my read particularly when hitting key lines referring to going “right.” the flow was cool… some times that short rhyme structure can feel bumpy to me personally since i’m not a real emcee and can’t mentally stay on a beat. i think the story as a whole was cool for staying broad in concepts but then periodically grounding itself again much more similar to a poem than an out right short story. also bonus points for playing with baron mynds name in a line just for the fuck of it haha. overall a solid read and it was just nice seeing an old favorite put some lines down.
baron-
this piece was rad. i think i interpreted it as more of a social piece about being dragged to another land but then being cast out of that land you were forced to inhabit with no regard for the context of who the person or peoples were in the lands they were stolen from. like a story of black america. i though this was a cool take. the flow was killer but some of the multies felt a little rough but that was on fewer lines than the ones that felt on point. plus again i can’t read a beat cuz im slow. the visuals of the piece were really killer to me. a favorite being the tiger stripe to jail bars line. it was poetic but clear and also just visually loud. i also felt like your piece had a bit more of a sequential story telling feeling to it that lets the piece stand as just a solid story even if you miss out or misinterpret the message between the lines. again just solid to see another head i haven’t seen put words down in years. and just a killer piece.
vote -
overall both were solid. one read to me as political and one as social. so it was a fun pairing since both interpreted the image in a way that are often closely argued or related through news and discussion. laur felt more poetic but gave it a more obvious rhyme scheme, baron was more of a story with a more internal and drawn out poetic style rhyme scheme. i think in the end baron just pulled me in a lot more because of the sequence of story being primary and the poetic aspects being the flourish. it just got a hold of me early on and as i read i felt the message and the story developing their way to a decisive conclusive and point that i just found really well executed.
v - baron
im not really sure how to vote on these
i dont normally get into these kinds
but yall look like ur hurting for votes
i read both and the were two different styles
both equally good. i liked laur choice of words
the flow was good and delivered well
baron was more a style i feel like i would write like if i did these
def better then ne thing i could write though
the imagery was there and flow was there 2
a different kinda flow then the first person
i cant really explain my vote bc im not really into this stuff
so if u dont want 2 count this i understand cuz i kinda dont no wat im talking about
winner baron
2me it was a little bit of a better read
Baron wins the Sacred Scriptures tournament.
Lawl
Baron Mynd .. i read your verse for what it was and i must say it’s the evilest thing i’ve come across on this site (next to MV’s sig)... drawing a parallel of the misunderstandings of the hereafter from a demon’s point of view… saying satan’s your king
As a judge of this battle your verse is was well prosed .. i just dont like it from a right point of view
Laureate.. you just seemed you beat around as if you didnt know where to start..
It also seems like yall are writing on the same topic.. And that you have your misunderstandings as well…
Look, there is nothing lame about doing or being right.. The fact is true; it’s a harder life that gets easier as you go on.(living in sin is the opposite)
Laureate, you could cut away the fat of your vocabulary, as Baron did; adding to the flow of his verse
putting my feelings aside
V- BM … though not as clean, was a better stated verse
Laureate - From my understanding of your poem, you spoke from the perspective of the tiger. A fresh perspective in color, contrasted to the black and white of group think and careless use of words for manipulation. I enjoyed the pace of it, though the breaks in between some verses(?) were choppy, and the flow of thought not smoothly sustained. Your last line, for example, read less like a closing and more another well-said phrase making the same point the poem had been making. I still enjoyed it.
Baron - I enjoyed your perspective as well. Once free, now caged animals moving in his meditation from nostalgia and self pity to courage and pity for his captures, who live in 'bigger cages'. You began very felicitous in your language but as you went on, somewhere midway, I thought you gave in to rhyming and heard something as uninspiring as "snatched from our natural environment where we lived life to the fullest" :). That said, you do write very well, friend.
Vote -- Baron. His language was more vivid, and I thought the use of story helped him achieve more cohesiveness, which made his piece/poem stick more.