[WK9] 17 ILLunatic (0-0) 18 DªÖ (0-0)

[The Realist]

Topic: Lethargic
Verses Due: Jan 9
Voting Ends: Jan 12

[ILLunatic]

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.......Checkin In........
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-Voted On-
High Class v.s K.Largo

[ILLunatic]

....Lethargic....


....Beginning....
Born an only child, and has never had a friend
Loner he's been known, from beginning to end
Parents never cared, let alone acted as if he exist
Lazy he persist, never lifted a pinky from each fist
Dropped out of school, just to sit around the house
Knows no spouse, whole life best friends been a mouse
Has no education, nothing has always been main consintration
Sittin on his ass, see's but doesn't comprehend a constellation


.....Grown Up......
A man whose life is a mess, full of stress
...He wants things done, but does it less
He has a list of things to do, and its full to
But when he's about to do it, things fold through
Its bull to, people can't stand his laziness
Its craziness, his style's got him ladyless
Its sad, just to watch what this man does
Gets a buzz, his whole life lethargic he was
Living off his parents, He's never done any work
Its bizzurk, this man couldn't even be a store clerk
Never done a thing for himself in his life
Suicide in mind but to lazy to pick up a knife
Poor mental state, his life increases the bordum rate
Now on his own cuz parents can't afford him as of late


........The End..........
Lazy... and can't understand his Lethargicness
Let alone, he can't comprehend his Retartedness
Finally gets up to leave, not knowing real life
Walkin the streets, not knowing his strife
Suddenly, Got capped 7 times from behind
Thinkin he'll be fine, he takes his last breath of time
Dead, not even knowing the meaning of car sick
He has his self to blame, due to his being Lethargic

[Dios de Hip Hop]

check in.

[Dios de Hip Hop]

Rules of a Lonely Life
a glance in Gods Perspective, Gods Love is Waisted..
I once Thought of a way to win then knew i was baited..
by life..
Im Never movin cuz to the world Im lazy but to me Im Holy..
Dreams as a little boy dreamt of a man that once told me..
I am the one the beggining i am the dopest rapper thoughts..
Was never unique, allways the middle, never realest brought..
Shit was crazy how the hell can my dreams be promised
but not baught..
Reasons of A stupid man a worker of satan common like sands..
in the earliest years active but hells got me through idle hands..
Im cloaked, masked to the world as dead as a shirt..
Im worn out, constantly tried to wash out the dirt..
Why dont u go out and party i mean you should know the spots..
What she got was a grunt, she knew till the day i moved out..
Only thing i could do right, now that i left my school hall behind..
Why dont u join the army son Its Gods soldiers fightin muts..
God wouldnt endorse fighting if he knew navy boys beat me up..
Cross roads to me mean nothing because they hung up..
Ring Ring Ring, but this phones never gonna pick up..
All i want to do is Shut the fuck up results of a fucked past..
They brush it off because they never took it up the ass..
They were allways the rapist in my child hood mass..
As if i was a prison bitch, life wanted to fuck me to bad..
I gave up the fight for good once or twice now i learned..
why fight with fire when in the end u end up getting burnt..
sitting in the darkness has become my habitat..
i put myself in this dark room to be never spat at..
Like a dieing mc the last thing i see is my habitat..
I put my mask back on and continue with my straps..

[High Class]

DaO
I wasnt really feeling where you took this topic. You had decent vocab, and decent wordplay. But the structure was lacking, and the flow was off at some points. It was straight, but nothing that really carried my inthusiasm through the whole rap. I think if you added more emotion into this and shortend your lines... Then it would be alot better. But keep elevating hommie...


-ILLunatic-
I liked your verse to be honest. I already was up there, but I really did like it. You had good structure, and a nice little flow going. You had good vocab, and alright wordplay. I liked how you carried the topic to a certain extent, but not all the way. Nice drop for a first time here... And keep Elevating...

-Vote-ILLunatic

Conclusion
He gets my vote for the better story line. DaO had imagery, but I like reading little stories instead. It was a good right from my perspective. It was a close call to be honest...
( Both of you please return the favor, even if you didnt get the vote. it would be much appriciated... )

[Thrust]

Dao deffinately had this


he had better imagry in his piece
and the content was there

Illunatic... that was kinda lame...
ya need to elevate some...

Knows no spouse, whole life best friends been a mouse


^lines like that you said you tried to be creative...
but it was...wack

vote=Dao

[rule]

Great Battle

DoA Had Great Imagery A Lot Of Good Creative Lines. You Could Really Understand The Whole Piece Not Just Certian Aspects. Good Piece.

Ill Also Had A Good Piece, But Not As Complex I Don't Think. It Was A Nice Read But Not As Amusing To Read. I Enjoyed The Set Up But I Felt Sometimes It Was Hard To Really Feel For. Also Certian Lines Brought This Down. I Expected More. But Good Attempt.

Vote: DoA

Great Battle But DoA I Feel Came Strong On This Topic.

[Auspicious]

Dao takes this
it was ight on both parts.. elevation is key
but that all comes in due time. Illunatic i know
hasn't written many topicals.. n' unfortunetly
it shows. Dao kinda possess more for his lyrics

v/ Dao

[bribeone]

I'll have to go against the grain,.

I enjoyed Ill verse better to me it was just better written
other guys flow was off at certain points which threw me
completely off..good story but on pure enjoiment I'll have
to go with Ill..

v/ILl

[Endeva.]

i gotta go with DªÖ on this.... i liked the approach he took... the flow was a bit choppy,, with the syllables.... i jus felt that the execution of the topic was better.... Ill had the better structure and flow... but the content, wasnt as good... so my vote goes=DªÖ.....pZ...

[Awdo Grafh.]

close battle....

good drops by both...

Ill - you had a enjoyable story about this poor guy who just doesnt do anythign with his life... flow and structure was very good - sometimes there were lines which were kinda jus fillers - but then there were lines that really got me - like

suicide on the mind but to lazy to pick up the knife

thats a great line - some good irony in this peice

DaO ::

i really felt your peice - there was a great sense of personal ties to the peice ... i love how you put in in your tense ("I") ... some great liens througout the peice - structure was a little off in parts but overall a great way off attacking the topic

vote : Da0

[Maven.]

Dao wins.
[closed]