daydreaming

[brandonleo]

One day i walked home from school
this guy came up to be and called me a fool
he wanted to fight me
i took my broken wrist with a cast and hit em in da knee
he fuckin layin on da sidewalk and crying and sreaming
then i woke up and notice i was daydreaming
i was sitting at my desk in first hour
and there was the guy who called me a coward
so i went over ther and started a fight
i know that this aint right
but i wanted to prove that i am not scared
this all started as one big dare
the teachers in the corner just staring
looks like they are curious
the principle looks furious
then i woke up at home daydreaming

[Bloom.Quist]

hmm....topic was alright. You were fighting people over and over and you keep finding out its daydreaming. To me this was a symbol of having no life, that everything is not waht u think it is, but i think too much . Overall it wasn't that great, i mean u got alot to improve on. First of all you should try to use a higher vocabulary in ure words, and really express your feelings. I didnt see much emotion in this piece, but good job.

[Absolute Power]

100 times beda then that otha piece...

im srry that other one just seemed like a joke...

this is an ok piece...interestin to read id say a 7 fo 10 an the only thin id work on if i was u is imagry...an rememba u dun always have to rhyme...it aint a rule in poetry