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Thread: Real Rappers -

  1. #1
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    Real Rappers -

    What does a track need?
    a beats creation, needs some making,
    its the first step, the lead creation,
    an artists blueprint, not hard or sloppy,
    original - not an idol's carbon copy,
    part that stops me, is the writers fashion,
    not everything i spit on mic is passion,
    and a track requires no wack attire;
    it must attract attention, not lack desire,
    put some emotion in it, no notes diminished,
    with that your close to the potion's finish,
    devotions image - a vibe thats crowd felt,
    a message trasmitted alive & proud dealt
    not this gangster street shit, weakish,
    ^ something most can't put their feet in..
    real rappers delve in the depths of hip hop;
    make their own image, lip gloss & flip flops,
    strive for prosperity after every shit drop,
    doesn't matter if they're wearing knit socks..
    an artists deepness starts its breaching,
    when no one knows if the artists speaking,
    his own mind.. or just some fake shit,
    using others misfortunes to try n' make it,
    real rappers - they take and ache and,
    make a name, their name doesnt make them..

    word, yo.

  2. #2
    and fuck you too Meks.'s Avatar
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    ^ word.... dope peice here.... alot of quality in this..
    alot of truth as well....
    hadnt read ne thing youve dropped in a while but this was a good little peice...
    flow was on, structure great....some nice metas...... and the message was good...
    well worth the quick little read.... good shit feeble, dope om.
    peace

  3. #3
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    this is prolly the best flowing open mic i've seen in this forum...nice topic, real nice, consistent multis(i thought they were unknown here at first lmfao), none forced, good use of wordplay and it went real real smoothly.. some of my favorite lines

    and a track requires no wack attire;
    it must attract attention, not lack desire,

    Nice, flowed real well with internals, and nice meaning, really true

    an artists deepness starts its breaching,
    when no one knows if the artists speaking

    very very true... nice depth...

    one of my favorites so far in this forum... good shit, i'll be sure to read mo shit from u

  4. #4

  5. #5
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    doesn't matter if they're wearing knit socks..

    thought that lines flow was off - otherwise flow was tight - was little odd ending a line with "and" too - nice kinda manifesto-ish feel - also agree with this idea but thought your point was really that strong:
    not this gangster street shit, weakish,
    ^ something most can't put their feet in..

    cause basically you're saying that most can't identify with that - when the audience they're intending it for probably does identify with it - liked this line:
    make their own image, lip gloss & flip flops,

    nice work - hit my Breathless if you can.

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    Hence Forward

  6. #6
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    ,....

  7. #7
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    shits gay, people with shitty ass open mics gettin 10 replies and shit.

    fuck open mic.

    im not writing another open mic for a year

  8. #8
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    Open Microphone is gay, but I owe you some replies, regardless. The way you gradually built the `formula` was pretty innovative, the last line was true. A couple of sketchy lines here and there, a few awe-striking lines. A stellar flow, sometimes it`s tough to maintain with 8 - 10ish syllables per line. But, except for a rare instance or, two (like so):
    devotions image - a vibe thats crowd felt,
    a message transmitted alive & proud dealt
    forced, innit?
    an artists blueprint, not hard or sloppy,
    original - not an idol's carbon copy,
    part that stops me, is the writers fashion,
    not everything i spit on mic is passion,
    Now that I look back, I can relate to this, too. This was a cool little stanza.

    Cool, brother. I suggest dropping some worldly pieces to enhance everything really - try to find something in particular that irks you and write about it. That way, the cynics & wit should come rather easily &, blended in with a conscious topic, you`ll do great. Happy holiday - one more day of school.

  9. #9
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    thank yoo for actually breaking it down.
    you are right that one bar was forced. i will definitely work on it.
    same for the topic suggestion.
    peace, have a good vacation.

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