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Thread: Check dis shit out

  1. #1

    Check dis shit out

    in case u dont no me
    i am an OG
    kill yo wife in her sleep
    put her in the bak of my jeep
    i roll weed in the vet
    piss me off u will sure to regret
    me and my homie
    we all family
    do all yall niggas feel me
    cuz shit dued we needa slap dem hoes
    and after dat steal dem and kill they pimps wit our fo's
    i dont even no's
    y yall tryin to b hard
    all u do is look like a mothafukin retard
    i hope yall hur me cuz i dont repeat myself
    if any1 win aginst me it will be myself
    im wishin so listin dis mission is pissin me off
    if u think u can beat me u better juss beat dis shit off
    cuz look i dont even care no more
    slapin niggas around like they my fukin hore
    hit yall bitches wit the bak of my fukin tec
    leave u der wit blood dripin out the bak of ur neck

  2. #2
    Nation
    Guest
    was str8, needs improvement, keep droppin

    return the favor
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171527

  3. #3
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    philly
    Age
    41
    Posts
    24
    Honestly, I don't know where to start. It needs alot of work. Try to use more than 1 syllable words.
    i roll weed in the vet ---what the hell does that mean?
    piss me off u will sure to regret--------u will sure to regret? that doesn't make sense

    i hope yall hur me cuz i dont repeat myself
    if any1 win aginst me it will be myself-------you just rhymed myself with myself, the 2 lines are decent concepts but don't be rhymin 2 words with each other.

    But yo young buck, slim thug and many more are makin millions of this bullshit, so what the fuck

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Age
    34
    Posts
    451
    Battle Record
    1-1
    Was basic... you started off with some 3-5 word lines, then they somehow formed into long stretched lines.. work on that. i seen no multis what so ever.. it was just to basic, keep elevatin tho, you'll get there.. 1

  5. #5
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,866
    Battle Record
    3-0
    Work on your line length. If you edit in/out words to make your lines more even, it will help your flow. Start working on topics that you feel are creative, and keep writing.

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks

  7. #7

  8. #8
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    Pittsburgh aka Steel City Real Gritty
    Posts
    36
    u aint no crip crips dont go on the internet

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    Cee Flow
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    Steel City
    412
    Get Ready To Duck



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    As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Lord stay with me and protect my neck

  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    its 2 DIFFERENT links...NOT the SAME

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