Foreshadow (1-0) Vs Dev (0-0)

[Violent.]

Foreshadow vs Dev
Check in by wed, drop by fri
Topic: Ballad Of A Heartless Man

[Foreshadow]

Checking In...
Good Luck Dev...

[Endeva.]

check,

...G'luck to you too

[Endeva.]

I see despair everywhere, but do I care, do I fuck
Life’s not fair, so I just prepare for bad luck…
Getting stuck, and I don’t give a shit about others
I commit to myself, to my health, not a brother’s
Even my lovers are just pawns on the board
Just another moved used, adding more to my score
And I don’t applaud monogamy its obviously wrong
Survival of the fittest says… long live the strong
So I don’t build bonds, well not real ones at least
Fake affection’s what I’m stretching out when I reach
But I’m not teaching lessons, I’m just that kind of man
If I say I love you, I’d check out for crossed hands
Cos I can stand there saying your beauty‘s untouched
As long as it’s definitely gonna get me a fuck
I’ve been struck a few times when my lines haven’t worked
I brush it off, its no loss, then I don a clean shirt
I don’t get hurt, I just flirt with the skirt for fun
I’m young free, single and bilingual with the tongue
I only finish what I’ve won, cos losing’s not an option
Let the losers sit watching while I take the blossom
There’s nothing stopping me, no boundaries around
Ill have a slice of your wife, then play back the sound
‘You got clowned’ and I don’t give a fuck how you feel
As long as I feel good the rest isn’t real…
that’s the deal, so don’t appeal to my heart
Cos I’m a heartless man and stand by every remark!!!

[Foreshadow]

Ballad of a Heartless Man

Songs have been sung for the purpose of well being
Dwelled meanings, while some are hard of believing
The heart of reasoning will kill most that remain true
Deranged clues of a heartless ballad will claim you
Plain blue was the richest color of Nicholas’s lame suit
The dance floor played as a chamber for slain youth
The waltz of maimed truth, the tango couldn’t save you
Nicholas’s lame suit just plain blue & polluted grave shoes
Interrupt the same move as he looks to god & begs you
“Please, I’ma slaved fool with the same tools, now what to do
This ballad doesn’t describe the punishment of serving you”
I waltz the floor clean of its polish; I spin with an elegant twirl
Forever locked in the heartless chamber, the ballad of the world
Kissing the wind, dancing on a whim, just ease the pressure
The ballad of my life spoken through notes of a heartless lecture
Desire follows my heartless chest right to the floor of misery
This music could kill; I’m beginning to think its use to me
Barricading my heart, trapping my feeling away from its nerve
Looking for a sign of chaos the perfect amount to unearth
Relentless in the fact your keys lash at my back, I crawl away
Hoping for a day when this ballad will slowly fade to gray
Destined parades, Dig the perfect hole for my shallow grave
Another heartless slave with disappointment as the perfect wave
To sweep me away & to take me out of the heartless pit
Dancing was never it; barely remembering myself as shattered bits
As I’m freed & slowly released by that oh so perfect hand
Basically God has released me from the Ballad of Being a Heartless Man

[Facts Machine]

Dev had a better flow to his cuz fore's was kind of stretched at some points, and to me, structure can be important same as presentation.
Well, both had multies to keep me going, but Fore came way more creative with his story. u both took a different way to use the concept and i liked fore's more cuz i can relate to it. Dev used the concept well, but it was almost predictible and not as interesting. Fore's rhyming was more complex too.
it was actually pretty close.
v/Foreshadow...

[Foreshadow]

1-0 Nice verse Dev...

[BC]

you voted so ill vote..

Dev i rea your vesre and was like this great you got it hands down..ryhming was nice you vesre was great... fore shadow i read the fisrt 4 lines and said to myself its over for you.. once i got into it the words we so complex and the story was great.. close yet 4shadow flowed 3notches above

V/ Foreshadow

[Johnny 6-feet]

Dev- You really painted the picture of an asshole in this piece. Not the most creative direction you could've took with the title, but your piece was good for a laugh.

"If I say I love you, I’d check out for crossed hands"

My faveourite line^ your vocab could've been stronger but your rhyme scheme was pretty good, the flow was spot on. The imagery depicted a heartless man clearly. A pretty good piece.

Foreshadow- A much more depressing angle from you man. I liked it though, The idea of the waltz as a metaphor and the main charecter progression towards his release from it (and life) made for interesting reading. Your multi's were good for the most part, although i think you stretched making sense on a few occasions just to fit them in. Vocab was pretty strong too.

Vote- Foreshadow, more creative piece, stronger vocab, stronger rhymes.

[Brother Blue Collar]

vote shadow, he just out did you dev but i enjoyed both verses tho

lines for dev

"Even my lovers are just pawns on the board
Just another moved used, adding more to my score"

"I only finish what I’ve won, cos losing’s not an option
Let the losers sit watching while I take the blossom"

Shadow's lines

"Plain blue was the richest color of Nicholas’s lame suit
The dance floor played as a chamber for slain youth"

"As I’m freed & slowly released by that oh so perfect hand
Basically God has released me from the Ballad of Being a Heartless Man"

"Kissing the wind, dancing on a whim, just ease the pressure
The ballad of my life spoken through notes of a heartless lecture
Desire follows my heartless chest right to the floor of misery
This music could kill; I’m beginning to think its use to me"

[Endeva.]

looks like i lost, oh well, guess i need to change my style back to the way it was for SS, its cos im doing all audio nowadays...

well done foreshadow, pz

[Foreshadow]

Great verse Dev...