MW Contender Troop (3-1) Vs. Johnny 6-feet (3-1)

[Tim]

MW Contender Troop (3-1) Vs. Johnny 6-feet (3-1)
Checkin Wed, Drop Friday
Leave 4 Votes In checkin

Topic- Gone In the flash of a second

[T.r.oo.P]

Check.....i gotta come focused this time...

glck 6

[Johnny 6-feet]

Checking in, and good luck to you T.r.oo.p i know you must've came hard to get this far. I'll be expecting a good match.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222740

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222734

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222732

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=222727

[Johnny 6-feet]

Gone in the flash of a second

...beep...

I watch the monitor fluxtuate in a series of beeps
each one could mark the start of my eternal sleep
the doctors called it 'liver failure', i had myself to blame
alcohol played my saviour, my health is shamed

...beep...

Last night, I hit the deck with a bottle of whisky in my hand
The same, every other night, thing, too pissed to stand
I came to in the ambulance in a kind of trance
Tunnel vision, mental inhibition, unstable stance
I vomit blood in a sudden jerk, my vision goes cloudy
Blackness edges back in, slithers around me

...beep...

Now, in the hospital 3 days later, thinking of life
And the wrongs paths to take, and drinking to die
Readjusted decisions could've turned his favour
Been worth his labour, could've earned his saviour

...beep...

The heart falters, an overwhelming sense of drowsiness
Time seems to slow, my vision becomes cloudy as best
And with my last breath, the signal the monitor's giving me
Becomes a constant sound stretched out into infinity

...flatline...

He'd made the snap decision to poison his depression
Like the final note, his choice killed him in the flash of a second

[T.r.oo.P]

*Nessa-..I dont want u doin this
*Jimmy-..Baby We need Money..I'll B ok...I Promise*

*Door Closes*

See im Running out of Options....and Running Low on Profitz
Times Stoppin with condoms,lint,and zippo flint in my pocketz
Dun wit bein on my knees cleanin @ Micky Dee's.fuck 9.2.Fives
fresh in the game wit dreams of cream you see...oz's to Dimes
Gotta new revolver embedded on my hip..cig flippin off of my lip
i made mistakes but my fate is 2 late wit these lumps on my dick
and my ladie think im crazy yet the system still playin me so shady

*get down get down.......*Bullets Ring Out*

Damn 1st day on the block a crooked cop allready tried 2 shaveme
because my boss had sumthin to do with that 1 NYPD loss..o well
these snitches pimpin the system N2 critical condition so they tell
tales longer than whales inorder 2 make they position worth livin In
my minds driftin nervous system shiftin got me shakein and shiverin
wondering and pondering how im going to succeed through my first
Night in this new life..i heard my mans rivals put bullets thru a Herst
whats worst?..dieing from bloodshed..or gettin shot after you dead?
*Baby We need Money..I'll B ok...I Promise*.thats wha i said
i cant imagine what will happen if she have 2 moarn after our 1st born
because she got mixed feelings from my dealings...2 my Lords i sworn
2 b faithfull N my endevers now im illegal jus to collect these treasures
same car jus circled 5 times before 9 these some dangerous measures
cant tell whether these fiends got tethers... or they ankle deKerations
*Run yo Shit Bitch*
...now im looking down dangers chamber pleading 4 life in Declerations
Overwhelmed by Satans Helms...well...it was good while it kinda lasted
GOD DAMNIT!!!!
I heard her yell all the way down in hell..news paper quoted i was blasted
So if your askin what happend..a bad transaction..led to 3 muggers steppin
Un Child Proofin they weapons
putting me into rememberance..So my Lifes gone in the flash of a Second

[Jawn Raw]

troop
well you had a good stucture and flow, your imagery wasn't to bad it kinda was off and on ya know, you had a decent emotion, but something i just didn't feel that brought you up more was vocabulary you really needed to up it some more man, and still the imagery wasn't great enough to get my vote man, yes your a good topical writer but you've done better shit then this before.

johnny
not bad i've seen you do better to the fact that you we're simple yet divine wit some nice choices of words good flow nice vocab, solid imagery, very very good emotion and you just had that nice stucture and flow, good multiples at some times but i have seen you do some real crazy shit wit multiples before, but imagery was just somin that got you my vote man, nice job wit ya work. props to troop too.

vote/ Johnny 6-feet

[Judge Judy]

troop - yours was an improvement man, but i still feel u can do more in your flow. Big words dont always make a good piece, and i think you should still use an advanced vocab, but dont go overboard. Hopefully next match you improve more

Johnny - a nice piece, as always pretty descriptive IMO, and the vocab was just right. nice multi's man, and also good emotion. Basically a very well done piece man, and i think you took this.

V/ Johnny

[Auspicious]

Johnny..
I like the style you write in because you dont use excessive multies but still find a way to fit the words in right to make it sound dope. The originality however, lacked and i felt you could have done better with that. The structure was well set up though. But i feel you could have been more creative with your piece because i could have guessed the ending from reading the first verse. Your vocab was good and looking back, some of the words you put in seemed just a tad forced, not a ton of lines just a few here and there.. but overal, ive seen you do better.. but nice work this week.

Troop..
Well this is an improvement from last week and i could see you being a force.. but later on. I see the potential you have, you just need to work to that level. Your vocab is very basic and the words that you use do seem somewhat forced. And im not sure if you were going for emotion of the piece or its how you write, but i preferably dont like to see alot of slang in topicals. And again, you need to step up on your originality as does Johnny for this topic specificially.. because like his piece i knew where you were going with the topic from the first verse. Also, some of the multis you used, seemed forced and didn't really work with your piece. Just keep practicin, i see you turning into a good writer, just keep improving.

vote..Johnny 6-Feet

[.Silence.]

troop
well you had a good stucture and flow, your imagery wasn't to bad it kinda was off and on ya know, you had a decent emotion, but something i just didn't feel that brought you up more was vocabulary you really needed to up it some more man, and still the imagery wasn't great enough to get my vote man, yes your a good topical writer but you've done better shit then this before.

johnny
not bad i've seen you do better to the fact that you we're simple yet divine wit some nice choices of words good flow nice vocab, solid imagery, very very good emotion and you just had that nice stucture and flow, good multiples at some times but i have seen you do some real crazy shit wit multiples before, but imagery was just somin that got you my vote man, nice job wit ya work.

vote/ Johnny 6-feet

[T.r.oo.P]

6 up 4....good drop kid

its fustrating 2 have peeps say u improving and u still lose lol

2nd loss in a fuckin row....but aslong as ya see me gettin better

thats all that matters i guess....

[Auspicious]

well you lost to good people. .so i wouldn't be upset.. just improve off them

[Facts Machine]

Johnny:
Mad deep and nice imagery... the beep beep flatline idea was dope and kept me going... the flow was on point but sometimes simplistic. I think you came creative. but could of been better on how u went with the topic.

Troop:
You came with ok imagery and the concept was dope, it kept me interested in what was gonna happen next and the emotion was felt but not really that deep... the lines were way too stretched and the multies almost seemed forced... work on vocab and flowing with better wording.

conclusion:
Johnny's was just deeper with a better rhymescheme... even though it was shorter, it was still at a necassary length with nothing forced... he just came more original and the beep beep idea just kept me more interested.

v/johnny.

[Glory]

first off, i didn't really like how you both ended with the same thing, which was the topic, but that can't be helped. anyway, you both had good verses, so don't get me wrong, troop though, you seemed to start off really good, i was interested to keep reading but then all of a sudden you lost that grasp on me. johnny took more of an emotional approach which is always nice, but sometimes boring. but to be honest, it was his that kept me wanting to read more because not only his word-choice, but because the consistency, so for that.

props to both.

v/johnny

[Nib Oswald]

Johnny 6-feet: I liked how you structured your work with the EKG readings, giving it a linear flow. Your concept is a bit old but you had nice imagery and use of multis without choking up the lines with rhyming. Meh for the ending, it didn't work the title in creatively enough for my liking.

T.r.oo.P: This was poorly structured and the lines felt cluttered when reading. Your 'text message' spelling and typos didn't help, either. Besides that, you used rhyming well throughout the piece.

Vote: Johnny 6-feet for a more solid form and flow.

[2hot2handle]

I think Johnny had better imagery and rhymes. Troop had good structure and had a good story and I see what he tried to do. He was outdone by johnny and Johnny was more creative and flowed better. I think that Johnny had his set up better and prepared better. It seems like troop that you gotta elevate on ya vocab. Keep at it though. Johnny was more solid and got my vote.

vote- Johnny

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