Verses are due Saturday. Good luck guys!
Pick a topic from the list and read the Rules in the Office if you haven't yet. Check early if possible and write to wow us.
Verses are due Saturday. Good luck guys!
Pick a topic from the list and read the Rules in the Office if you haven't yet. Check early if possible and write to wow us.
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
ready...
check
Monster's Ink
2xOMHoF
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Courtesy of: Elvis Freshly
Last edited by Morbid Dream; September 9th, 2007 at 04:56 AM
Notarized Artistry
1xOM HoF
Nonsense!
For your kindness is mistaken as your weakness
and this assignment will be making this week less
Relieve your stress, loosen up to the wide world
the tense you feel may cause a slight side swirl
a kind twirl, something a girl does to grab attention
but they lie Earl, never give them a chance for redemption
instead resent them, become a fucking faggot
im sure you'll like it, the whole east coast is excited
I mean ill let you decide it Earl, but you are a lil nasty
I doubt woman get inlighted when they see this fatty
your unfathemed stinch to match roll after roll all over
hotdogs on your neck dont amount to your deformed shoulder
and behold HER!!
such a mascaline build the worlds stongest dont compare
her hair tangled in knots that madussa couldnt fair
I cant lie Earl I stared, for this hideous creature before me
beat upon her chest with way to much animosity
Im sorry E, I know you hate when I talk about your mother
so I'll tell your scytso brother, that you two have become lovers
HA!!! His ravid ass would smuther, with everything in his power
to make sure you die, so he can get inside her
You call me a liar Earl? Im a gaurdian angel thats impossible
Now go decieve and kill him Billy, with everything plaussible
Shear layer after layer of fat, swing it over the clothes line
and twist his hotdog neck, so he can stare at his own spine
Which is something hes never had before, a real backbone
All this was was a lesson Earl, Dont let strangers in your home
Monster's Ink
2xOMHoF
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Courtesy of: Elvis Freshly
Crossroads: Which way do you go?
Got booted out by family even though they wanted me home
Promised I’ll improve my ways but I know I probably won’t
Off the wall for ya’ll know I ain’t honesty prone
See I was a good child but life is just too full of bad
Became obsessed to a state of wreck over things I couldn’t have
Pictures of my childhood strike me like massive illness
Flipping pages of photos so vivid they hold a rapid stillness
Snap shots show so many mishaps in the captured insets
I have to witness my soul at a crossroad of progressive intrest
World is full of uncertainty but certainly none can stop it
Did I pick the right card? Or do I fold all out of pocket
Copped an electric shock this week so my brains not up to speed
Struggling to compose a line yo its hard enough to read
Caught a lead with my paws and indeed did I cop a beat
But the slow-mo of being wired up was perfect time for reflection
At the crossroads of life and death I was stopped at this intersection
Addressing my every thought and putting my deeds into question
A million thoughts per second I’m checking my list of imperfections
Regretting my choices made and stepping forward a new direction
It’s all messed up and I’m trying to make sense of nonsense
problem is I'm between two choices each one completely complex
the world is a puzzle, a riddle comes with every option
So a cross road emerges, will I pay blood and sweat to make bread
Or take the risk of raking it in off my neighbour’s plate instead
Knowing the price for an easy gain becomes a gain to dread
Our days are lead by the things we’ve done at every place we tread
Things I’ve said will catch up to me like the tax man claiming debt
See I get jacked by karma trying to cheat for a small gain
I thought it was free but indeed in the end it’s all pain
Nothing you get cost nothing, you’ll pay a price that’s ordained
Contemplating my choices, I’m overtaken by a focus that’s violent.
Stalling at a junction I’m frozen in a thunderous silence
I must proceed with actions but instead I’ll procrastinate
The road to do and the road to not! I know which I have to take
Crossroads of life! U reap what u sew. What choice will I actually make!
I cross a path of 2 choices… neither one is more sane
A mirage to either side of me neither clear nor plain’
Last edited by Morbid Dream; September 8th, 2007 at 10:44 PM
Notarized Artistry
1xOM HoF
M. Pulse- ur shit is just looking basic, right now, man, like the main character's name is Earl just cuz it rhymed early in the piece, it was all seemingly forced... it read like a second-rate freestyle, and you have time to proofread, edit lines, delete lines (many should be...) and really restructure parts of it and it looks like it was done in like seven minutes. Max. I don't even really want to get into it but after the first few lines I was already tired of reading it, the pacing was slow and the wording was nominal.
I mean, the forced rhymes aside, I don't know what the fuck word you're trying to make up with "inlighted", but I suggest a spellchecker? Unfathomed and stench? I dunno bad spelling makes a piece seem all the less credible from a writer's standpoint, that's a big no-no. It's like, you're writing for what amounts to a bunch of english-teacher type personalities and misspelling words and shit so it's gonna come across as juvenile and ignorant.Relieve your stress, loosen up to the wide world
the tense you feel may cause a slight side swirl
a kind twirl, something a girl does to grab attention
but they lie Earl, never give them a chance for redemption
instead resent them, become a fucking faggot
im sure you'll like it, the whole east coast is excited
I mean ill let you decide it Earl, but you are a lil nasty
I doubt woman get inlighted when they see this fatty
your unfathemed stinch to match roll after roll all over
M. Pulse - pretty good work, thought it was kind of on-and-off though. Like, it would have a nice line-
Like, right there is good shit all in all, good rhythm and word choice. But then we go a few lines down and I see that all-too-familiar repetitive rhyme scheme of the -shin sound, and OH MY GOD do I hate that goddamned shit.Pictures of my childhood strike me like massive illness
Flipping pages of photos so vivid they hold a rapid stillness
Snap shots show so many mishaps in the captured insets
I have to witness my soul at a crossroad of progressive intrest
I mean, do you guys ever try to actually rap this shit? -shin sounds TERRIBLE when used like that, no matter what the word is, as long as -shin is the end sound u guys think it rhymes, and it doesnt it slows shit down and leaves me shaking my head.But the slow-mo of being wired up was perfect time for reflection
At the crossroads of life and death I was stopped at this intersection
Addressing my every thought and putting my deeds into question
A million thoughts per second I’m checking my list of imperfections
Regretting my choices made and stepping forward a new direction
That aside, good stuff a lot of the time and more than enough to take the battle. Felt like ranting cuz it was funny that once u found the -shin sound u kept it longer than any other scheme. So many stupid fuck words have that sound ppl get stuck on them, and its annoying to read, it sucks the rhythm out of a piece like a fucking hoover does dirt from a rug.
vote Morbid Dream
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
goddamn rofl....
look i honestly dont know what it is eng....
im not gonnna try and explain myself but itll be better by next week dont worry
Monster's Ink
2xOMHoF
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Courtesy of: Elvis Freshly
M.Pulse- I certainly wasn't impressed with this drop. I mean the flow was simple and it seems like you tried to use more poetic words to add little imagery to a badly worded line. As Eng said.. I just lost interest as soon as the Earl came up..I mean this did seem like a rush job...the concept and take was just bad...and overall this was poor execution....
Morbid Dream- I felt like you had a more interesting drop. It was clearly more thought out. and you just had a better prespective...and take on the topic...you some solid lines..and you had your iffy lines..but when it all boiled down it was evident that you took the battle this week. With just better execution...and Eng was right aobut that one section where you kept ths -shins going..pretty played..though sometimes I find myself doing it..it can be pulled off if executed properly...but all in all..you had the better drop this week so...
V- Morbid Dream.
pulse: interesting piece, i liked the character you portrayed, it was gruesome. It had a comical side to it, which was enjoyable. The rhyme-scheme was dope some parts, but other parts seemed half-assed. overall, nice drop, i think the story-telling could have been more clear, but this was cool.
dreams: Your rhyme-scheme stood out for the most part, but other parts it had that feeling like "i've seen these words rhyme often before" u know. I think it was deep and had better content than pulse's... it was stronger emotional-wise.
^this part stood out the most thru-out the whole battle, very dope IMO.So a cross road emerges, will I pay blood and sweat to make bread
Or take the risk of raking it in off my neighbour’s plate instead
Knowing the price for an easy gain becomes a gain to dread
Our days are lead by the things we’ve done at every place we tread
Things I’ve said will catch up to me like the tax man claiming debt
v/morbid dreams, just more enjoyable and better written.
Morbid dreams wins and is now (2-3)
M Pulse loses and is now (0-2)
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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