Wk 4; Brandon (2-1) Vs The Metallica (2-1) [VOTE!]

[Orc]

http://i31.tinypic.com/14479ja.jpg


I think we all know how this goes, but for the few new additions;

Check in by Wednesday, or YOU LOSE! No exceptions.
This is to reduce the chances of you turning faggot at the last minute and posting up an old piece you wrote years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh and don't do gay things that show how bad you really suck.

Maximum FIFTY lines, if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ.
Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

No show twice in a row and you're OUT, for at least a week.
Oh, and & 3 voting links or you lose. NO exceptions.

[L.E]

Whatup Brandon?

Check...

I can't believe I forgot to drop my verse last week. I wrote it and everything, and I was going to edit it before I posted.

Went camping, got drunk and forgot.

:/

Anyway good luck man.

[Brandon Cee]

Hello. You will regret checkin in possibly. I'm in the mood for ripping a piece.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...tk-368501.html

[Brandon Cee]

Join Me In Death

All my life I've wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
Jane Wagner/Lily Tomlin (1939- )

It's like sketches in line draw paths in the essence of time
As effervescence in life claws back at the mention of minds
Every second sat blind as I awaited the return of that figure
The burn of liquor as he breathed made me turn even sicker
This spurn has been thicker then previous, but I still stand
Until plans unfold and collapse upon me with shrilled hands
It's real and I can't relive the false accusations I'm charged
When all mutations are farce; I've only changed in my heart
And I'll say as I start to get going - I'm a walking ball of fire
That won't stop, retire, or die 'fore I reach my goal or higher
Lost with no guider; I'm at a loss, there's no win in my sight
Livin' the life with no son must be hard for men in this night
I was left in light and shrouded by darkness, both connected
And I show respect to a sharp mind...if it's host's respected
But I know rejection when I see it, a drunk canvas is floored
I've been dub'd magic before, but mom loves dad ever more
So my severed pores leak sweat, tears, and blood if needed
Because I'm leading my life straight into the gut of pleasin'
Yet I'm done with reason...I can't take no answer, but faith
So I have to escape this plan - rebuild myself after I break
Now that I take time to sit and relax..I'm broken and stale
So I'll work my fingers as I take a second to open the mail

*ripping of envelopes*

Dear Son,

I have realized the problems, so now I have left you in shame
This message is plain and simple and I won't call you by name
I can't explain the mistakes I have made, but I hope you forgive
As I shorten this wish, I'm done, here's my address,
...so you know where I live

2287 N. Bellemont Ave.
Huntington Beach, California

P.S. I'm sorry.

*silence for a moment*

A letter grabbed my hands, but I didn't grab a letter completely
I couldn't mutter easily - words seemed to settle and leave me
I can't believe this, I'm confused beyond belief and it hurts deep
It feels like I've cured sleep...with nothing more than pure sleep
And it's sure weak how I analyze this, but he won't be the bait
I'm keeping change from happening - he didn't want me to wait
So I won't play games, I'll run away from here and find him then
Like a friend would look for another, but I don't hide from friends
I'll try to bend rules to teach him a lesson...they say he's smart
Let's watch him fall apart after he sees some of my insane art
I dangle by body from the old tree - the wood is cracked much
He comes out to me and he yells for me to take that back, but
I can practice a real life death, if he loves me he'll follow his son
One last swallow, I jump - my life flashes and my father is done

*the dad cries for hours, then looks at old photographs*

It's a damn shame that you did this, it's not a man thing, Brad
This was us - why would you take our lives and strand your dad?

http://i27.tinypic.com/fw2ib5.jpg

[L.E]

http://img2.imagetitan.com/img2/smal...by_silecia.jpg


The Apple Doesn't Fall Far...

Backwards

She wakes up in the morning, cold air brushing her face...
...Thinks about getting ready, thinks of how long it will take
The window brings the sound, a pronounced slushing of waves...
...But in minutes shes at the toilet shes been rushing to for days
Sixteen year old girl throwing up, put all the bile and spite in...
...The disgusting soup blended to match how messed up her life is
The test had to be false, but the doctor didn't second guess it...
...Shock blasted her mind to pieces, she's still trying to collect it
That one night, she regrets it...reality stopped so abruptly...
...She curses herself.................
..........."Why did I believe him when he said he loved me..?"
The delivery room rushed to her, spinning despite the earth...
...She had a baby girl, with eyes and a face just like her...

Paused

She wakes up in the morning, warm air brushing her cheek...
......Thinks about getting her daughter ready for this week
She gets up and goes to her daughters room...
...She was cuddled, sleeping soundly...
................."I wonder if she will finally meet her father soon..."
Takes her daughter to the school, it was the first of her days...
......She grew into an A student, there was no curse on her grades
The mother reflects on how when she was that age...
...Best not to think of the bad things, it was just easier that way
Her daughter blew through elementary school, then came junior high...
The mother swears she could see the clock spinning the way time went by
And then came the day when her daughter went to high school...
...All of her friends comment..."Oh my God, she looks just like you!"

Forwards

She wakes up, the rain lay waste to the dreamy night...
...She peers down the hallway, which sheds a beam of light
Vomit splatters into the toilet, it echoes into the blackness...
...Concern comes over the mother as she slides off her mattress
She finds her daughter, hanging over the pearly edge...
"What's wrong..?" the mother asks...
................The girl answers, "I'm a nervous wreck."
The mother sits, curious, she still has a purpose yet...
...Her sixteen year old daughter, her whole world is set
"Mom, I'm pregnant..." she says, "I didn't mean to start this."
The mother stood silently, and began to walk in the darkness
This was a nightmare...she screams, how haunting can this be..?
The daughter weeps, "I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

[Brandon Cee]

ok then, let's get it.

[L.E]

Lol okay, so you changed your whole concept.

To my understanding, you should have kept your topic but just made it longer. Now I am at a disadvantage, because you saw mine and changed your topic.

Whatever, I don't care.

Lets get this voted on.

[Brandon Cee]

I actually had half of this piece done, thinking you'd no show - I dropped that other shit.

[Soule]

Vote - Brandon Cee

reasons...


Brandon, I felt that you were highly motivated this week. And in return, you brought your "A" game against Metallica. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Met's piece. But I loved your's. Wording was really well put bro. Flowed really well all together. Emotion was settled and imagery was pretty much amazing. Dope piece from you dude, exactly my type of concept and you nailed it upside the head man. Keep writing.

Metallica, I liked your concept. And I am a fan of your stuff, you increase every week as far as your talent goes dude. But I felt that you just were out-written this week by a much more experienced writer. It's okay though, I had the exact same thing happen in the first week. Keep it up kid, you'll be on top by next season.


Since I will not be back in SS until week 5. Hit up my open mic collab with Cry. Thanks for the enjoyable reads gents... keep writing.

[Engivale]

First off, Brandon, "shrill" is a tone of voice =D

This spurn has been thicker then previous, but I still stand
Until plans unfold and collapse upon me with shrilled hands

lol, had to... forced rhymes piss me off, but overall, a fuckin' great piece, dogg, and THANK YOU for not doing the italics. I feel like it was just for me =D, anyways, you're free to go back 2 it now, thanks for doing something different, tho, ahahah.

And I'll say as I start to get going - I'm a walking ball of fire
That won't stop, retire, or die 'fore I reach my goal or higher
Lost with no guider; I'm at a loss, there's no win in my sight
Livin' the life with no son must be hard for men in this night
I was left in light and shrouded by darkness, both connected
And I show respect to a sharp mind...if it's host's respected

^^^fucking great content, there, rhyme scheme is dope, too, I just enjoyed the hell out of that part, my man.

and, pretty dope part at the close:

dangle by body from the old tree - the wood is cracked much
He comes out to me and he yells for me to take that back, but
I can practice a real life death, if he loves me he'll follow his son
One last swallow, I jump - my life flashes and my father is done

yup. You were on ur game. There are some parts where the flow is not quite as good, tho, u gotta keep that up all the way tru, don't get lazy man =D. Great verse, tho, tons of content and nice schemes...

Metallica - woah, dude, u took me by surprise with how nice a piece that was. What a great way to end it, I mean, sure it was cliche topic-wise, but you really executed this well, a very clear beginning-middle-end and I appreciate the story-telling and the way u brought the picture into ur topic a lot... Seriously, dope, using women, too, this makes it tough to vote, lol, cuz I read Brandon's and thought no way u could beat him, but u definitely made this a re-read.

Both plots are good, I mean, great and original writing, I think Brandon has the more fresh piece, like, Metallica, ur rhymes are all end-rhymes and though you do a good job on them, it just doesn't stay at the same speed as Brandon's, and also, ur topic is just a bit uninteresting, despite your ability to put it together really well, it just wasn't as rhyme-friendly and the content is so overplayed, it wasn't put in too fresh a way, you know? Like, you say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree at the end and that's really where the piece made me say, "Damn, nice job," but after a re-read I realize a lot of it was much more simply written. And I hate falling for dope twists and end parts when the majority of the piece was put together on more of a plain note.

Great battle, guys, I think this is the closest I've voted on in two weeks... I am gonna go brandon on this for the better rhyme scheme since I think it's tougher to tell a dope story while rhyming ur ass off, tho a few of his rhymes are kind of forced, at least he is going for it, you know? Metallica, you're somebody to watch, that's all there is to it, you've got talent, man, glad I read your piece this week it was nit-picking to not give you the win, basically, I had to be fair to you both.

vote Brandon

[Brandon Cee]

oh fuck you Eng.

You know I used shrilled hands as a metaphor...not an actual meaning. Thanks man. I'm gonna keep this style for a bit...I enjoy it, very smooth in my opinion.

[Engivale]

LOL ahahahah

=D

[Orc]

I agree that TM was at a disadvantage because BC changed his piece. So TM won't get a loss if he loses, his record will stay the same. If BC wins he'll still collect a win, though.

[Poeta Demonio]

Hmm, i know this isn't my area atall, but in the finals with me and ledge in IE, ldge changed his verse with literally another full sized piece ont op of his original piece and there was no problem with it, i didn't see a problem either... as you shouldn't write to the person your against, you should write to yourself and what YOU think is the perfect piece to drop, so to not give a loss for that reason seems a little off. dont know why i dropped my opinion lol, boredom i guess.. but yeah, sort it out

[Orc]

It's sorted.