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Thread: Violence For Silence

  1. #1
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    Violence For Silence

    Links: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ly-385097.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-377667.html


    Violence For Silence


    The ruger’s lead shot through the legs of the human dreg…
    Blood poured on the rug’s floor turning from blue to red.
    The fumes that spread formed a copper odor at a proper quota.
    As the slugs soared once more through the tropic forrest.
    The hypnotic chorous of the movement pegged for fluid bled.
    The sanguine puddle — all droplets a symphony of music bred.
    “It’s useless, Gredd. This is the reason your clots are porous.
    Pray to the starry dots of Taurus, *Cocks back sulfuric hammer*
    … because now I must ask for mercy with God before us.”

    BANG

    The sound rang and soundwaves found their way to the beach.
    Among the alien breed, the sentient lifeform named Jadien eeks.
    Inside his mind, playing in sync: ‘Once the rays are abound day.
    I must make an escape from my stay in the South cave,
    ..and with haste in my wake make my way to the town safe.’

    ***

    The beige of the ground paved the many acres around graves.
    As the cemetaryscape grew bright with a radiant brown haze.
    The blade in the round case sat in the sheltered cobblestone.
    While the lady in gown’s taste for the Celtic bottle rose.
    The yell was monotone, rising from the lane in the hallway.
    Drowning out rain on a fall day as she knelt and swollowed whole.
    Something felt her collarbone.. a familiar face is seen above.
    Jadien the reptilian hermit that embraces, clings with love.
    “We’ve no time, Vineska, unlock the safe and walk away.
    Klysiz is on the prowl ..and I fear now our talk’s in vain.”
    The hour clock surveys as Vineska hands Jadien the contents.
    The nitrate-enforced lime-plated doors shake against the convent.
    “Intruder alert, intruder alert!” Sounds as the hinges shatter.
    Klysiz emerges from the flying debris — bluest eyes of the sea.
    With an endless pattern that scowls through the cinder matter.
    “All you men in tatters, remain in pieces as I exclaim this thesis.
    ..Bear witness to this scared shitless dame and heathen.
    You have something that belongs to me, so if you long to breathe,
    I suggest you hand it over and it might spare your mom from me.”
    “Vineska! Take the case, don’t open it ‘til you have a place to stay.
    But for the love of God, make your way to the lake — ESCAPE!”
    With one shamful gaze, she runs like the wind on a faceless scape.
    Tears streaming, she hears screaming from the aches of pain.…
    “Jadien, you’ve made my day, putting all your faith in play.
    Even with the secret she’s needless and remains unchanged.
    Alzheimer’s is a she-bitch… and so is this rhinestone razorblade.”

    SLICE
    Last edited by BetterDays; December 22nd, 2008 at 01:12 PM

  2. #2

    Re: Violence For Silence

    pretty sick dude -the beige of the ground paved with many acres around graves, whats up with the reptilian hermit?
    My aptitude for theatrical adaptations is
    the latitude for the practical application

  3. #3
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    Re: Violence For Silence

    Quote Originally Posted by SparqTheRuthless View Post
    pretty sick dude -the beige of the ground paved with many acres around graves, whats up with the reptilian hermit?
    Thanks for the feedback. Uppin.

  4. #4
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    Re: Violence For Silence

    Uppin. Feedbacks.

  5. #5
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    Re: Violence For Silence

    Uppin. Feedbacks?

  6. #6
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    Re: Violence For Silence

    definently some whicked shit i knda got lost at the bang but a good transition...
    other than that i think the flow was off a little and you needed more structure.
    maybe some internals but i did like it keep writin
    hit me up
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=6782940

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