Self Jealous

[Rivalyn]

"Self Jealously"
By: Rivalyn


I remain in this world, Forgotten,
Then I started drinking awhile back,
Before My wife Died, Now im left,

Lost...

Steady Of Hate, Inbreaded For Sake, Sharp as 100 Saws
As I Retained My goals with hope, It capitalized My Flaws
Indept Visions are Faithless, Me Verses My Soul I Hate This
The sands Of time are pointless, Taking away My Greatness
My Reflections Remain faceless, Deprived and Hated By Many
I Never was Sad to fail Goals in life, Cause I Never Made Any
Intense with ever round, Barricaded In this body With No Sounds
Beating into the ground, As I Crushed Down to nothing By Pounds
Complexed Erosion's invented new Ways for Me to Feel Unblessed
And on top Of that I Got fired from my Job, Now im so Stressed
Obsessed with Vengeance tore me apart, Never had any Friends
Clogging My brain with Incomplete Thoughts, Riped From Both Ends
Jealous Of myself is what it was, But it Dint make Any sense To Me
Maybe because i was always High and Downing Bottles Of Henesy
I Became Trenched Beneath My Sorrows In the fiery Depths Of Hell
Continuous Failed Attempts at Happiness Just made me want to Yell
"Soul for Sell", Was the title I Gave myself, It was the Only Option
Stop sin? If theres a God Why did he give This body, Im Trapped In!
My Covered Corpse would Never vorp, But Within time, will It Lie?
Informal Treachery, Is what it was, Hurry,. I Just can't Wait To Die
My Life is over, I wish for Things, But they Never Happen To Me
Alone in this World to Be, So when I pass, There be Happy To See
Forgive me Loreh,! I quit Trying Long ago, Im in a Very Big Mess
This a test? If So, I'll remain here, Fighting alone, being Self Jealous


No one ever knows if there Jealous,
Until your Soul tears apart,
And your left Fighting Against Yourself,

The choice Is Yours.

[Rivalyn]

Link 1
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[Rivalyn]

Feed.

[40 Oz]

good drop..
I kinda got tied up in a few places, due to the vocabulary.
I managed to keep up though, I really liked this.
It shows the pain and suffering, going through when losing someone you love.
and than on top of all that stress, dealing with losing your job.
if my wife died, I don't know what I would do..

and as far as the flow goes, it stayed on-point.
good structure, i'll end this with my favorite part:

My Reflections Remain faceless, Deprived and Hated By Many
I Never was Sad to fail Goals in life, Cause I Never Made Any
Intense with ever round, Barricaded In this body With No Sounds
Beating into the ground, As I Crushed Down to nothing By Pounds

thanks for the read, keep writing.
oh and one more thing, you should kill the 'Caps'...
kinda did a number on my eyes towards the middle, just my opinion..

[Rivalyn]

Ty up.

[Cuba Kid]

Now THAT was a good verse! The tone, the rhyming... it was great! Hmmm... 1 verse though... It's not a problem, but with such a good run you had going, I would of tried to expand it further. I also agree on the "caps" being unnecessary.

[Rivalyn]

Feed.

[AlphaMetric]

this was ok man.... you had a lot of nice words and the imagery was pretty much on point...... and vocab was a bit higher then average but not more then that.... and emotions... I don't know, i didn't really felt much, like you didn't have that punch to make me feel much of anything... like if you had shorter lines, i think it would be easier to add some rawness cause I think that's what's really missing..... but in all in all, this was ok.... peace

[Rivalyn]

Up.

[Rivalyn]

Feed

[Rivalyn]

Feed ffs

[Rivalyn]

Feed!!!

[Rivalyn]

up.

[Rivalyn]

[Endeva.]

my thoughts are overall it was ok, i prefered the start as your flow was easier to follow, after the first few lines it sorta got stretched out a bit, too many fillers in there... content wise, yea not bad... some emotion thrown in there too, shame it wasnt a more even read throughout though

keep writing

.pz