“Midnight Sunrise”

[Mr. Black]

.
.
.


Arise, O bright & beautiful, above the horizon
a gentle warmth, before you're hot enough to be blindin'
I can gaze at the haze in silent amazement
while i'm comforted and held by your vibrant embraces.
you shine with a power that could light any basement,
see the waters change color as you rise up adjacent.
rosy cheeks blushing fiery since you guided the ancients,
watch you sleep when you're tired - my night is the blanket ..
.. even though we're separated, our alignment is sacred
cuz every time i own the sky, you surprise me & take it!
Darkness drops slowly, you then return to the west
re-emerge, i must depart before you burn me to death ……
I hope you got the letter I gave Hermes to send
cause it's my solitary wish that this eternally ends.
and if you agree, we'll finally merge in descent
leave this lonely earth to meet it's permanent rest.
I've loved you too long to let this burn in my chest
I hope i don't have to make this plea turn into a threat,
because you could kill me, but the planet will go dim
and eventually collapse, cuz you can't handle the whole thing!
you'll wander for a purpose through this infinite space
til that flame is extinguished as time wrinkles your face.
apocalypse is our fate, they say that us together's a curse ..
but don't it beat a world without the true respect you deserve?
we can't exist without eachother, our spirits would unwind
so won't you let us become one .. as a midnight sunrise?

[Mr. Black]

is it just my comp or is my pic not working?

w/e .. just postin this up for the sake of it .. i guess .. feed up

[Tactixx]

Pic is not workin.
Dope piece though...flawless execution of flow and multis for the first half...the story was nicely told and the closer I thought was nice. you had a few nice change-ups in the multi-word rhyming which were done well. At some points the rhymes seemed a little repetitive....but all in all this piece was sick man...flowed amzingly well...keep it up man.. Lemme know if you wanna collab at anytime...Peace.

[Mr. Black]

thanks fam

*pic fixed

[thatKidB]

Thought this was nice.. To me the flow was solid, nothing special though, but better then most OM pieces on here.. Liked the imagery/wording.. Nice vocab.. Don't know what else to say but, good job..

Note - I can see the picture

[Mr. Black]

thx.

smh .. anyone else

[2triple0]

Intro:

ok i thought this piece was really cool and wanted to give some feedback or suggestions in my view what were some of the finer points of this piece... first off the language was incredible and i really appreciated the way you worded the entire verse... it was composed very beautifully and i want to give a break down based on some of the words and imagery that stood out to me in Midnight Sunrise

Part 1:

Arise, O bright & beautiful, above the horizon
a gentle warmth, before you're hot enough to be blindin'
I can gaze at the haze in silent amazement
while i'm comforted and held by your vibrant embraces.
you shine with a power that could light any basement,

There are three sections I want to speak about in this first part...first the beginning of the poem starts with the vision of a beautiful warm horizon and talking of, the term he uses, haze...i thought this was alright, the horizon imagery was really cool but i thought the haze concept could have been investigated more by the author...then the author talks of a basement and vibrant embraces and that backed up the imagery of the setting...

Part 2:

see the waters change color as you rise up adjacent.
rosy cheeks blushing fiery since you guided the ancients,
watch you sleep when you're tired - my night is the blanket ..
.. even though we're separated, our alignment is sacred

Part 2 starts with waters changing color, this was a really nice transition into your verse and proof the verse was full of images and capable of flowing persistently...then before you have time to read another line the author mentions 'rosy cheeks blushing fiery' which conjures a warm and calming picture in my mind and then he finishes the line with 'guided by the ancient's" which i related to because i am studying the neo-classical period in my literature class, who, believe that literature should be an imitation of the classical age... thought that was brilliant... the author then mentions that he is separated from someone but does not make clear who this person is and the reader may be a little confused by all the language at this point but i think it is important to say that neo-classicists believed literature should teach us what all humans share rather than individual accomplishments... that is the forms and styles of literature teach us about love, hate, fear, etc. rather than one person's personal experiences....

Conclusion:

you'll wander for a purpose through this infinite space
til that flame is extinguished as time wrinkles your face.
apocalypse is our fate, they say that us together's a curse ..
but don't it beat a world without the true respect you deserve?

I just wanted to finish with this bit here.... basically the author sums up his verse in these two bars right here.... he says you will work so hard for something until your life has been taken over by someone else.... but i think his point or what he is trying to get across is that you shouldn't hate somebody so much that they start to take over your life....it sounded like something a friend of mine had told me a long time ago and memories of this doctor that i used to know in a hospital who said something similar as well.... just what i took from it...

[Iglosone]

I can gaze at the haze in silent amazement
while i'm comforted and held by your vibrant embraces.
you shine with a power that could light any basement,
see the waters change color as you rise up adjacent.
rosy cheeks blushing fiery since you guided the ancients,
watch you sleep when you're tired - my night is the blanket ..
.. even though we're separated, our alignment is sacred
cuz every time i own the sky, you surprise me & take it!
-what a run there.. that was very elegant and dope.. I love long multi runs like that

I hope you got the letter I gave Hermes to send
cause it's my solitary wish that this eternally ends.
-haha.. that was nice.. like the greek mythology ref in there

you'll wander for a purpose through this infinite space
til that flame is extinguished as time wrinkles your face.
apocalypse is our fate, they say that us together's a curse ..
but don't it beat a world without the true respect you deserve?
we can't exist without eachother, our spirits would unwind
so won't you let us become one .. as a midnight sunrise?
-great section here

very creative well done concept here.. nice stuff.. really liked the flow and multis.. good content.. had a poemesque feel to it.. you mind given my newest a feed.. its gettin slept on

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...443/index.html

[Mr. Black]

thanks fam - i'll rtf soon

uppin again.

[Intermilan]

Killed the beginning with a nice set of multi's. Really nice. Like how you set the tone bright and generally grew darker. Really a unique idea but as someone already mentioned got a little repetitive at times.

Other than that, not really much to say. Solid piece.

Check either of these out, thanks.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...495/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...482/index.html

[Mr. Black]

he is separated from someone but does not make clear who this person is

firstly - thanks for the extensive breakdown and analysis, i really appreciate it. and secondly my underlying plot for the whole piece was that I was the midnight, and i'm addressing the sunrise as the woman i love.

[Mr.Hatter]

I'm a bit new at the critiquing thing, but I'm so glad this is my first one.

This had me caught great in many ways to me, there were a few parts I had to think about, but it was all over a great concept. I'm sure you got a lot of ideas from the guys above, but I hope to see more like this.

[Don Q]

this was a nice om man, fuked with da rhyme scheme, u didnt overdo it u just kept it poetic style,good work...can u return da favor on dis piece pleaz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...761/index.html