Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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"Ready? go! sat where the old cardboard city folk
swap tales with heads like every other penny throw"
Contemplative Wake
not a duck pond, his churning is too fierce and quite evident
the owner of a complex; and subtly holds no residence
a prevalent struggle, written clearly in lines upon his face
a mind under siege, with no moat or fortification in place
corrupted within an eruption of angst and short patience
laced-in a fury, a synapse hurry ; yes, the mind races
plagued with questions where answers stay absent...
why are we here in this world, and why do we inhabit it
a burden, a constant in his head that continues to pressure him
the finite realized in life, it amplifies and strangles his progression
a social network, his job, family ties all hung upon a dying breath
pulls at his chest, rips and tears till hollowed and nothings left
"Ready? go! sat where the old cardboard city folk
swap tales with heads like every other penny throw"
Procreating words
Words make life, vivid images of dark pictures
Broken homes, torn houses, and scared sisters
Weather or not you can feel the tornado
Life builds up anger and burns those who come too close like a volcano
Things happen for a reason? Mistrust, mis loved or maybe treason?
People fall in love? Wintry hearts mate in a sunny season!
Hearts break, but never truly heal, if only a love transplant
If words could build a bridge then “I’m sorry “ would really help us get passed that
Stages of life, some brightly light others like a video game
U can shine all the way through but cheating gets you farther just the same
Don’t fan the flame it’s almost out of heat
How can you play with fire, and still have cold hands and feet?
Sincere ppl are truly the most humble and real
Because they tell the lies most truthfully and keep it straight like silvery steel
Gun to your head, on your knees that you pray on
Life gives us each a color, lets hope it isn’t the darkest crayon
Leaves fall, then fall leaves and things get white
How’s it ppl have the darkest feelings inside when outside it’s the most bright
Pavement gets fiery hot when the sun beats down furiously
The father gets hot when the son disobeys… curiously
Building a life of words is like trying to fly, you can get high but always come down
Gravity is serious keeps you planted firmly, but in the end the most serious man is only a clown
hmm
malice- a little bland, but reads well and a good topic choice. I would have liked to see you expand on this, as well as really stretched the limits of double meanings and added emotion. But a solid, if short, verse.
Skill- I wasn't a fan of this piece, the over use of sims was distracting, and some of your metas made me wince a little, ie the darkest crayon one. Metas and sims are great, but they have to still match the tone of the piece, otherwise they take away instead of add imagery/emotion/depth. You had a few great ones, ie the last bar, but it was very inconsistent. Sometimes less is more.
vote- Malice, for a smoother more consistent verse.
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"Are you playing with yourself?" "Who said I'm playing, I'm being serious!"
mal. the verse is really short i wish u woulda made the story longer to expand on it i like ur topic. vocab was iight flow was iight to. it was a good verse but a very very short verse.
skill. well idk this peice was not very good in my eyes. metas were forced and written bad. the wording was mehish, the emotion lacced the imagery was not good. next time let the flow and the topic and what ur talking about matches ur metas, try not to force it. try to paint a pictue with ur verse let the imagery flow out...better lucc next week
\\// mal
~WV~
~IP~
malice, was pretty disappointed, the story could've been elaborated on greatly. but i feel like you just didn't care all that much tbh and I guess that's ok cause it's just pre-season. it was alright, couldve been 100x better if you had lengthened it.
skillful, idk man..i feel like your piece should have been so much better cause you had more length to it, but it was just drug on, and awkward. tbh i wasnt a fan of it at all. you didnt really use any literary devices except a few awkward similies here and there. idk i just didnt feel it at all.
v/ mal. had a better constructed and better executed piece.
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
Skill - i donno, i think this was lengthy in as far as structure is concerned. Some of the wording was really awkward and not really smooth. The words you select make up for a lot of emotion and imagery in your pieces this read was rather lacking in that department. I'd say stick around, it is only pre-season.
Malice - this was short, i'm not complaining since its pre-season and all. I would have liked you to develop the storyline a lil bit more bro, but other than that, you had some solid imagery. Good work
Vote; Malice
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
well, wasnt really feeling either of the drops, mal, how come yours was so short, anyways... asides from the length it lacked interest for me... seen u write alot better... skillful, yours atleast had a better length to it, but not much content...
so im gonna vote mal, simply because what there actually was of it, lol, was better contructed
..........pz
v/mal
[youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
malice wins via knockout.
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