Week 9: ThatKidCry vs Navage [Cry Wins]

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...642/index.html

Rules and Regulations. Drop by Saturday, Vote by Monday.

[Cody Nash]

Hello... your soul, my mouf...

[The Nav Man™]

I know this.
I feel it resurrecting out of my chest now.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...93#post7902393
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...790/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...781/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...783/index.html

[Cody Nash]

Hurt
By: Cry

I give my deepest regards to your pieces of heart...
cut up paper mache for these people to awe.
simply losin' it all just for reachin' the stars,
with no family, no friends - now you're equally gone.
the beating has stopped, your words are in stone,
you found out the hard way what it's worth all alone,
encouragin' throat into sayin' a lyric,
pain in your voice gives us pain just to hear it..
breakin' the gears in, straight from the booth,
it almost gave it more meaning to be sang out of tune,
it rang out as proof, it was an ode to the old...
it was a warning to the youth where we're hopin' to go.
chokin' our throats with disappointment we're destined for,
he sifted through his choices to show us that less is more...
so we'd know that progression bores a bastard, and after...
you're left drenched in afterbirth for an important chapter,
money forms the rapture... takin' all that you dare...
you were suited from the start to live an all black affair...
but as you call back? you're scared.. it remains in your eyes,
'til piano keys are panicking; an evasive disguise.
related to life.. you've run ahead with the concept..
and for every 'best friend'? I bet death was as honest -
to replenish its promise, keep up ties to the truth...
and I bet it felt poetic to reunite you with June.

In any case.. it only hurt 'cause you love her..
still dressed for a funeral.. blue suede shoes weren't your color.

[youtube]iCdBc5uByFQ[/youtube]

"What have I become? My sweetest friends..
everyone I know... goes away in the end.
and you can have it all.. my empire of dirt,
I will let you down, I will you make you Hurt."

R.I.P.

[The Nav Man™]

[YOUTUBE]IJTyPV8eF2E[/YOUTUBE]
My piece was written to this beat and somewhat written in a style of Aesop Rock.

Life
Needy of a person in your ugly life to keep the puddles nice,
Is defying nature, uniting fire with wind, thunder and subtle ice,
An autonomous individual, apt to be spiritual,
Knees bent, aura’s a green tint, beliefs spherical,
Grass strokes hands and feet, an everlasting land of sweet,
A wheat-colored shirt and baggy slacks construct sands and beach,
What is this? To be precise…..should we love life?
The leaf shoves light; does that imply our blood’s just right?
Is there a solitary man, the land prays to, hand in hand?
Is he a grey goose? Classifying the other flock a branded strand,
Allies show teeth and tell wrong lies, cause in reality…
You’re just a pieced up slice, in an obese one’s eyes,
Faux companions will craft you’re lacked thoughts of earth,
Even your parents…..since the very morning they marked your birth,
When you embark the search, for the stray thoughts of life,
Having fought the site, of many flawed hawks in flight,
Circling above….a dejected crowd shoved about by clouds,
Proposing a covert cipher, not to hurt but to inspire..
Look for minuscule substance, to push you through rough bumps and..
Days of dump, when you’re arranged on a date with pain and sufferance,
Questions to be approved, some obscured til the dying hour,
But intellect’s unmoved...
So respite in the garden of life, to preserve a drying flower..

[FreshADiddle]

Cry: I LOVE THAT SONG...Mr. Cash was the man. RIP Johnny. And now to the verse...

Conceptually, I think that you did a nice job of taking inspiration from a song/artist and transferring that to your verse. This piece was poignant and a bit melancholy...I thought it was a decent Tribute verse. I think that some might find it a bit boring...but, I'm a fan of emotional connection and real shit...so I'm a fan of this verse. The closer, was brilliant btw.

As far as your end rhyme schemes go, they were super sloppy, I know Black Ops came out this week...and you wrote your verse at the last minute....and honestly, it shows. I'm not going to quote or point out the sloppiness of the syllables, because I'm quite certain that you're aware of it. Your wording was pretty good in this piece...but I think that the literal imagery of your verse was it's strongest quality.

Sloppy rhyme schemes withstanding, this was a solid tribute verse to Mr. Cash...

Navv: Well well well, look who's verse rhymed?! lol...I'm messing with you...I'll get to that in a minute.

Conceptually: I liked the beat that you wrote too...and for the most part, the rhythm of your words fit the beat. Your verse seemed to be some abstract contemplation on "Life"...I've read it multiple times, and I must admit that the coherency of the verse is lacking...there's some imagery in there, but your word choices were suspect at times and left me feeling a bit lost.

Rhymes: Nav, your rhyme schemes in this piece were a huge improvement from your previous verses. I can tell that you're working on them. You even added some internals and did some switcharooski with your schemes...cool shit. Every single one of your end line multi's was clean syllabically...props.

Now...having said that, the wording is roughhhh brother. Some of your word choices didn't make much sense at all...it's not even that they always felt "forced" into fitting the rhyme scheme...it's that they just felt out of context, here's an example from the opening couplet:

Needy? of a person in your ugly life to keep the puddles nice,
Is defying? nature, uniting fire with wind, thunder and subtle ice,

Needy is an adjective....so I don't understand, perhaps you could have said "Needing a person in your ugly life..."

And you mention "defying nature" and go on to elaborate using the nature metaphor of fire and ice...but it's worded really weirdly...and "subtle ice" is an odd phrase...what's subtle ice? especially when it's accompanied by thunder? I think that "subtle" is an example of "forcing" a rhyme...where you sacrifice logic for a rhyme scheme...but you weren't guilty of massive amounts of that...so, yeah.

Okay, so in the end, my vote is going to be based on the EFFECTIVENESS of the above concepts...because both verses had their mechanical issues. Due to that, I'm going to give my vote to Cry...however, this is a close match up...but Cry came with the more cohesive piece...and Navv's new and improved rhyme schemes weren't worded well enough yet to beat a quickie verse from Cry...close match up though...Navv held his own!

[lepidus]

ugh..

i saw the aesop style then got excited but then i lost it sort of.. Navv, I liked the message you were trying to convey alot.. better then crys, although i feel like you kind of shot yourself in the foot as far as wording goes in places.. your whole concept was sick but the way you delivered it read awkward.. don't get me wrong i love aes and all but to me the first part was choppy.. i preferred the ladder of then piece over all, especially 'pain & sufferance' part..to me, you kind of faultered in the whole aesop style, but nice try.. he's a hard one to immitate.. Cry, i felt some parts in yor piece were kinda forced just for the sake of multies.. i've noticed you carry the same exact rhyme scheme in every single piece i have read from you.. kinda getting old to me.. it wouldn't hurt to switch things up sometimes.. now you had some nice contradictions in your piece which stood out to me.. also liked the 'evasive disguise' line.. this is sorta hard to judge due to the length but in a way it kinda makes the decision easier due to machanics.. and i feel like cry conveyed his piece to us better this time.. Navv, i see you smoothing your wording out and being a threat though..

v:Cry

[FreshADiddle]

THIS IS A REMINDER THAT VOTING WILL BE ENFORCED THIS WEEK
MATCHES WILL REMAIN OPEN UNTIL MIDNIGHT PST (TONIGHT)
IN ORDER TO GIVE EVERYONE A CHANCE TO GIVE AND RECEIVE VOTES!!
Voting
-Vote on 4 battles & drop links in your check-in, -1 vote for every missing link
-Give a reasonable explanations for your votes
-Don’t ask someone to vote in your battle or you will be DQed
-The mod will decide on an individual basis if votes from people outside the league will count

[Dex'Labb]

Cry -
first off, try this beat:


Alright uh, ok. I really found this to flow hard. It started off with a natural metronome and continued upon that path until, I felt it fell off for like a choppy second, with these lines:

chokin' our throats with disappointment we're destined for,
he sifted through his choices to show us that less is more...
so we'd know that progression bores a bastard, and after...
you're left drenched in afterbirth for an important chapter,

These lines were too long in my opinion, they didn`t fit in with the rest of the verse, which was dope ps. Like really dope here are the lines of the verse:

but as you call back? you're scared.. it remains in your eyes,
'til piano keys are panicking; an evasive disguise.
related to life.. you've run ahead with the concept..
and for every 'best friend'? I bet death was as honest -
to replenish its promise, keep up ties to the truth...
and I bet it felt poetic to reunite you with June.

how fuckin`real was that Lol again! every week there`s a real ass set of lines in your verse this was it for this week, I mean damn. That every best friend line how true is that, it`s crazy. I thought the mechanics were on point, flow was butter cept`for those 2 trouble bars. But, overall a strong verse, good ode`to the man himself bro, just a ps. I wanna see more of that story type shit, you know the story verses you`ve wrote really inspired me to write story verses in this league, just a heads up...

Mr. Navy - Alright I know some people didn`t understand the rhyme scheme of your verse, but for a guy who rapped it out just right now, trust me it flowed. Lines of the verse:

Needy of a person in your ugly life to keep the puddles nice,
Is defying nature, uniting fire with wind, thunder and subtle ice,

What is this? To be precise…..should we love life?
The leaf shoves light; does that imply our blood’s just right

those were the most effective to me. Here`s the thing. I hope people can apreciate how hard it is to make a song that can be rapped to a 92bpm beat and still maintain a story. It`s fuckin`hard, trust me..I feel your pain Lol the problem I had with this was, The flow was THERE, there symbolism was THERE but the story was scattered across the depths of the sea. I`m not knockin`your verse cause I thought it flowed extra well, but I just couldn`t fit it all together to form a motif. Some lines had wording that I felt more prophetic than rap, that`s cool but try to connect harder with a modern audience..To sum it up, I felt your rhymescheme was DOPE. I mean, you really did well with it man, the downfall is I didn`t find enough substance in this, and I know, it`s hard to do without writing a long ass verse...like to the entire instrumental.

So my vote this week is Cry, for a developed story, and a better verse this week. Navy, I like your flow, I`d personally like to see you take it and turn it into a story with a twist n`all next week, good battle yall.

[QwarterZ]

This was a very interesting battle, to say the least
I liked both styles as I read...buuuuuuuut

Cry, that whole song was a good choice, as I read it it sunk in
it really grasped me and carried me along for the time reading
I say most of the words you used were well placed, but a few times I got lost
I don't know it was somewhere between the middle and the end
maybe I didn't read it good enough, considering I'm tryna vote before I do laundry
your piece was nice don't get me wrong, something just threw me off
not too much though, just slightly, smooth piece though brah!
the multi's were cool, and well placed...

v/Navage, although I liked Cry's piece, I felt that Navage came a bit stronger
plus it was quite the read, so I can't deny that it was dope
both of you guys came correct though, I may have gotten lost, but eh
it's whatever don't hold it against me, I'm crashing off red bull
and I still gotta do laundry, nice battle guys!

Navage, I was really into the piece, the instrumental was nice aswell
your flow was nicely used, but at times I felt you could of went a bit further
it worked, but I wanted to see more from your piece, you came strong
but something about it just seemed a bit rushed, maybe it wasn't but you know
it came together in a very cohesive manner, a good piece

[Euphoric]

Nav: lol i was actually had the song on before i clicked on your battle and turned out you were using it, what a coincidence eh? well anyway, i thought that in the beginning you matched aesop's style well; i in particular liked these two lines:

"An autonomous individual, apt to be spiritual,
Knees bent, aura’s a green tint, beliefs spherical,"

but then you kinda fell off as you went on, and i dont really blame you since aesops got a pretty unique delivery. even so, you still had a a nice rhyme scheme and concept.

Cry-
i thought your words had a nice visual effect, especially in the beginning where you started off with:

"I give my deepest regards to your pieces of heart...
cut up paper mache for these people to awe."

so right off the bat, it seemed as if it was going to be a really good piece. but then as I read on, I started encountering rhymes which seemed a little bit forced (i.e. "reaching the stars", "equally gone"). Despite that, I thought you did a good job of matching up wtih your song choice and had a more enjoyable verse than nav.

v/cry