CONSISTENCY

[Karaoshi]

For each stanza, syllable count goes 11, 10, 8, 4, 10, 8, 4 and rhyming structure goes A, B, C, D, B, E, D (2nd and 5th lines rhyme, 4th and 7th rhyme). Links:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?477747
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...uzzing-is-Real


CONSISTENCY:

Furious, my father called me 'Son' one day,
And on child's shoulder laid cheated hand;
Frowned and grimaced, flummoxed, faltered-
Begrudgingly,
My father muttered me the Law of Man:
Word is bond, a man must prove his
Consistency.

A chef, stewing over morning's argument,
Carefully brings pot up to the boil.
She stirs, and watches as the sauce
Thickens quickly.
Simple things compound, let fire toil;
With life and food, maintain the right
Consistency.

A scientist stays the course of his study,
Eyes fixed steady on his destination;
He knows changing heart will challenge
Validity.
His data is ruled by regulation,
For there is no meaning without
Consistency.

Every tick of the clock an expiration;
The final breath of a newborn moment.
Each sunset, another day dies.
And finally,
Time dissolves all things, the Great Erodent:
Nothing lasts, there's no such thing as
Consistency.

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION Soul_Purpose,

This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to.

[Emily]

'Bout time you dropped something my friend. Nice poem. I'll come back.

[Emily]

Furious, my father called me 'Son' one day,
And on child's shoulder laid cheated hand;
Frowned and grimaced, flummoxed, faltered-
Begrudgingly,
My father muttered me the Law of Man:
Word is bond, a man must prove his
Consistency.

Man of few, powerful words. I’m talking about your father ; )
Great second line, ‘And on child’s shoulder laid cheated hand’ ---there’s weight in that bar.

Interesting introduction. That third line is stacked with imaginative words.
But I really like what the father told the son. “Word is bond, a man must prove his Consistency.”
Nice one. Lol lets move on…


A chef, stewing over morning's argument,
Carefully brings pot up to the boil.
She stirs, and watches as the sauce
Thickens quickly.
Simple things compound, let fire toil;
With life and food, maintain the right
Consistency.

I liked all of this. Homely imagery. You maneuver the reader. Good job.
You’re descriptions make the imagery. …‘Carefully brings pot up to the boil. She stirs and watches’…
Nice life lessons. All good.

A scientist stays the course of his study,
Eyes fixed steady on his destination;
He knows changing heart will challenge
Validity.
His data is ruled by regulation,
For there is no meaning without
Consistency.

Well said. The flow is serene. ‘Validity’ is beautiful. Interesting theme.
‘For there is no meaning without….’
All of that stanza, had a different halo. A different air. Great wording.

Every tick of the clock an expiration;
The final breath of a newborn moment. –I have to hand it to you here for possibilities. Great bar.
Each sunset, another day dies. ----stunning personification.
And finally,
Time dissolves all things, the Great Erodent: -----and I’m seeing cave men lol....and wondering…I’m spinning at the possibilities of ‘the Great Erodent’ …Ice Age lol.. I see lots with those two words.
Top word: Erodent.
Nothing lasts, there's no such thing as ----the build is…the build ‘IS’.
Consistency.

I like this poem Soul. I like the life lessons included. They spill into our everyday situations and we realize we have to be consistent otherwise certain things won’t be right. And just when you cement that fact, the building blows. You turn it all upside down.
These words from your last stanza were great…”Time dissolves all things, the Great Erodent”
Simple in its nature and true in its wisdom, I appreciate the teacher this poem is.

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It makes you reflect. Things aren't always as they seem.

syllable count of 11, 10, 8, 4, 10, 8, 4 ---came off smooth. V nice.
Great work Soul_Purpose

[Karaoshi]

Thanks @Emilyinthepool - I think I enjoy reading your feedback on poems more than most of the poems themselves lol

[Emily]

Thanks @Emilyinthepool - I think I enjoy reading your feedback on poems more than most of the poems themselves lol

lol. Thank you.
I often wonder how much people agree or disagree with me.
I see a lot in the written word and I love dissecting a piece I've loved reading.
Keep them coming Soul. Great reading fresh work. You always have a new take on things.
I love that.

[Mach3]

Interesting to see someone using a single word as a running theme and punctuate the end of stanzas like you did here. That's not something I see very often to be honest, and its a change of structure from the norm. But I always write random free verse so what do I know heh. I liked the slow build of the situations that you described until reaching a more broad, poetic conclusion. I'm not so sure about the first stanza since it seemed to differ a bit from 2 and 3, where your were describing pretty specific daily actions. I did however like the conclusion, kind of throwing things on its head and describing how, no matter how mundane consistency can be in day to day tasks, it doesn't really exist in the grand scheme of things. I like the idea of chaos ruling and its one of the major themes I like to think about in my own poems as well. All in all, this was a good read.

[English]

this was an interesting mechanical exercise and the sort-of-epistrophe was a good idea which could have been improved if you sought to change its meaning (antanaclasis) at each mention -- but this would have been more feasible with a more malleable word. some of the phrasing was awfully stiff and unnatural - i'm not sure if you're trying to affect a certain dated mood to the writing, as in days of yore, but it sort of fucked up the read for me. there were some positives though as i liked this conceptually.