The Power of the Eyes - Mic S

[graf-x]

The Power of the Eyes

Life is so amazing through any set of pupils.
One minute it is beautiful, the next it is unusual.
Two lives can only hope, but never know if the feelings mutual.
Trust is hard to come by, but your touch was my approval.

Seeing white to bright shades of green.
Through each light that changed in scene
complimented the blue on me.
So alike, yet your a mystery.

My hands grip yours interlaced
amazed you let me see you face to face
in a place where evil plagues
but touching you made it seem a safer place.
-
Mysteries of the world!
-
A salamander that was colorblind
was so relaxed by the sight
Stared me eye to eye so memorized &
showed me life was colorful in a colorless mind.

The Power of the Eyes!

[ILLunatic]

ATTENTION mic s,

This automated notification is a friendly reminder for you to provide (2) links to other member submissions that you left adequate feedback to.

[Ntalek.]

pretty solid piece though i wasn't a fan of this rhyme scheme..kinda read more OM'ish imo i thought you had a tad bit of emotion yet jammed with sublte imagery..i didn't really think you did that pic any justice..be it that this didn't read like a poem to me..the rhymes left me looking for shit i'd find in an OM like internals and multi's and such...i felt it had a lil bit of a metaphor yet be it the reader i related it to someone wearing contacts and yet seeing the world through their real eyes..not a bad drop and not a good one either..kinda spot on in the middle of what could've been great with a more polished and delivered metaphorical sense...all in all good read i enjoyed it..keep at it my dude..

[graf-x]

thanks for the feed man - much appreciated

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-Don-t-Run-You
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Pitiful-Pretty

[Cacktown]

This is a nice piece it disects the power of the eye. The wordplay is unique in this poem.

Two lives can only hope, but never know if the feelings mutual.
Trust is hard to come by, but your touch was my approval.

That line did it for me. Keep it up

Keep it up

[memoir]

You had some great moments in the piece, some nice imagery through out. I have to agree with rhyme scheme. In my opinion to sticking to a scheme can sometime take away from the beauty of the piece, yes, rhyme can make a read flow better but it can stop a writer from including great lines of imagery, description or storytelling just because certain words or phrases stray away from a scheme. What you had here was good and I liked it. Good job mate, keep posting.

[Emily]

Some good imagery in this mic s.

"A salamander that was colorblind
was so relaxed by the sight
Stared me eye to eye so memorized &
showed me life was colorful in a colorless mind."

I liked the wording and flow of the above stanza. I liked the concept of the last two lines.
Flow wise, it was sometimes a bit here and there. The rhyme didn't bother me too much.
It was a bit predictable though and I'm sure if you strayed from the obvious pattern you would have
discovered something more. But I understand going with the flow. I do that. It's just that when I
do that, at times, I get called out for being a bit mundane. I understand how this can happen.
I suggest breaking that easy flow up a bit and experimenting by going against the grain. Just to see what happens.
Regardless of flow issues, I liked the wording used. I think you had a good grasp on the concept and the imagery and I liked your words. Some were really beautiful.
Good job mic s. Interesting read.

(also, thanks for the feed on 'emotional gangbang'. Much appreciated.)

[English]

decent. if this were refined it could be better. i mean, when you used 'it is' twice in the second line, it felt clunky. you could have replaced either with a well-placed colon. personally i would have wrote it as: 'One minute: beautiful, the next it is unusual.' as it seems the best option in terms of overall 'flow'. don't listen to me though i'm not good and never let anyone rewrite your shit ever. you fucked up with a couple of errant (or missing) apostrophes and you're/your. yet the imagery in this was tasty. you may have benefited from un-rhyming in this, but it was still a decent read, and worked off the picture quite well.