Gather around, sit down and let Mr. Elmsby tell you a story or two. They may inspire you, reintroduce you to despair, or even cause you to move to Oregon.
But there's a story to everything, see.
Gather around, sit down and let Mr. Elmsby tell you a story or two. They may inspire you, reintroduce you to despair, or even cause you to move to Oregon.
But there's a story to everything, see.
tgf?
Would you like me to tell you a story? I promise you'l never look at things the same again.
shoot
Lmao.
Kill a bitch and kill her kid
all depends what her nigga did
-herbo
It was a cold tuesday night in the Bronx. Local businesses were beginning to shut down as they are wont to do at such an hour and foot traffic was minimal. This particular evening had a dense fog looming prevalent and the street lights mixed with the darkness of the alleyways to cause a ominous dynamic.Originally Posted by Barcotic
However, one of those wandering the quiet streets was a tourist from Canada who was looking to see if he could truly have his way in an American McDonalds. His footsteps were shortened due to drinking three entire cans of Miller Lite, and on this particular night he was searching for adventure in this urban jungle.
The introduction of social media's hyperpersonal touch had led to this particular tourist to boldly begin seeking singles ads until he bumped into one. The title said "Louanne, 23/F loves karaoke and cosmos" and, despite having a picture of a young male in a Wal-Mart uniform with the name tag 'Richard' as a profile picture had intrigued the Canadian. "Golly, she sure sounds like a good time", he thought as he initiated contact with Louanne, working to chisel a plan.
One hour later, the Canadian had decided to throw caution into the wind and further add to the haze of intoxication by drinking an entire half of a bottle of corona, leaving the other half on a Toyota. Drunkenly stumbling to the predetermined destination, the Canadian's gait was immediately interrupted by a hand on his shoulder.
Even with the delayed reaction, the Canadian turned around to see a man who looked similar to the man in the picture on the dating app. With a slight boston accent, the man looked into the Canadian's eyes and said "I'm Louanne. Let's skip the bar tonight, I have a box of wine and two dvds of John Stamos movies we can watch. Come on".
The Canadian's light beer-fueled haze was slowly receding as the anger of the blatant lie of "Louanne"s dating profile began to clarify. Fury and alcohol are a volatile combination as the Canadian saw a bus coming down the end of the block. With the speed of a trained fighter, the Canadian grabbed "Louanne" by the throat and kissed him. As the bus approached 10 meters, the Canadian broke up the kiss and uttered "This is for your treachery. Your profile was a lie" and kicked "Louanne" in the stomach, which sent him stumbling into the bus. A loud meaty smack symbolized the tragic end of a human life as the Canadian turned away and left.
With tears in his eyes the Canadian briefly turned around and revealed posthumously to "Louanne"s lifeless body the source of his ire with a quivering lip as he uttered "You promised me karaoke..."
Does this resonate with your soul?
Last edited by Mr Elmsby; April 23rd, 2016 at 02:19 PM
it IS u
what's good
Intense alcoholism mixed with crippling depression. You know, guy stuff. How's life treating you these days?
about the same lol
TGF You faggot.
welcome back
Thanks for welcoming me back with an open anus, spree. But do you have the turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy dinner ready for me yet? So help you if you say anything but yes.
^^^that
let it be so.
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aha!!! it IS!!!
TGF!!!!
how goes it? this place REALLY fucking sucks now...
stay....breathe life into RB's lifeless, extremely homosexual body...
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This Elmsby guy seemed like a legend.
My avatar is a duck holding an umbrella. You will not be able to refute this.
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