Forced Hand

[KnowP]

Forced Hand

Planted in hardened gardens
Starved for seed, surrounded by harvest
Sprouted the hardest
Choked by weeds, fertile genes
Genetically modified
Pure as breeds, purist needs
Surrogate mother, covered by sunlight
official if done right
Dug slight, distant soil
Resistant for you
True form of spewed norm
Instant warn fruit
perfection by hands perfected
Man’s collection, creator
Creating created plans
Rejected, illegitimate
Sorry mother nature
Its deliberate
Just consider the inconsiderate
And finish it

[Karaoshi]

This would be great as a spoken word piece. On paper it's a little too concentrated on rhyme schemes, with not enough attention to form. But spoken word this would kick ass. Maybe there should be an audio poetry section?

[Jukon]

lol an audio poetry section would be dope, but it would have to be within the realm of this section.

anyway, as soul said, i think you focused to heavily on rhyming and kind of strayed away from the path i was expecting. it didnt take away the enjoyment, i just think you could have relaxed on the rhyming and let the words just flow out. either way, it was cool, and i enjoyed reading it.

[KnowP]

Word good looks on the feed. I appreciate the honesty.

[Emily]

KnowP, you've got some amazing wording happening here, but like the others; I felt the rhymes were full on,
which.....I adore....in OM. lol. Sorry. We have this thing where we expect OM to be hell bent on rhyme and pc to be a little more involved in the depth of the msg and typically, we don't rhyme that much in this neck of the woods. Got your passport btw? It needs to be stamped : )
That's not to say your msg wasn't deep. It was extremely deep, but it kind of got lost a bit in the rhymes and patterns and flow and swirls and twirls of intense melody.
In all reality, as much as the battlers here hate being called poets, everything we write at rb is poetry.
Everything can actually go under one umbrella. It's just that since we've got these dedicated sections of OM and PC 'we, the people here', have put a bit of a difference on the pieces dropped.
And yeah, Soul_Purpose was right in saying this would kick ass as a spoken word piece. You've got a piece that's wonderfully worded and clever in its manoeuvres and word play,
especially that stunning outro, that was divine. Probably my favourite of the week.
You put thought into this and it shows, but somewhere along the line, because of the strong melodic flow of hell bent rhymes, we lose a bit of something else.
My advice to you would be to keep the melodies in you since your rhymes are obvious and clear,
but don't stack them as much. Take some away. Lessen the grip on the composition and don't 'force that hand' to be like it is in most sections of rb.
Pc is the only section where less is more. If you know what I mean. And I don't mean quantity.
I'm sure you know what I mean. Thank you for dropping this in pc. I hope we see you dropping something new here again soon KnowP.
It was a pleasure reading this.
Thank you.

[TheIllyricist]

Hey, Em! Traditional poetry rhymed, don't you forget that! Shakespeare would be OM for sure these days, he'd probably waltz up in the OM section and show motherfuckers how it's done with his incredible wording. Lol, just messing around.

Ahem. Anyway. So I'm getting this pretty cool metaphor, I feel like this is about growing up in a tough area. Planted in a hardened garden. That's just how it reads to me, I might be wrong. The imagery and wording gets me here, the 'choked' by weeds section, 'rejected, illegitimate'. Bastard? Just a rambling thought there, but I also get the idea of feeling rejected by growing up in such a situation. A forced hand does bad things because it has to to survive. The plant/seed apologizes to mother nature because it had to do what it had to to survive. Spoken, this is dope KnowP. Poetry can rhyme without doubt, as poetry was rhyme first. But, this did have your OM flair. Maybe a little too much of it because it was missing the structure of traditional poetic rhyme that would feel like poetry. I read this out loud, and it almost felt Saul Williams-Esque. At least that's how I felt when I read it. I'd like to see what you do when you dip into some more traditional poetic elements and mechanics. Nevertheless, this was vibrant and plenty loaded with metaphoric language. Good shit, man.

[KnowP]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm not one for technical formalities. Just writing from the heart. Glad y'all liked it and was able to grasp earth. I'll kick some feedback soon.