User Tag List

Page 75 of 113 FirstFirst ... 25 65 74 75 76 85 ... LastLast
Showing results 1,111 to 1,125 of 1691

Thread: A Disciple's Thread

  1. #1111
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Yes cause he said like i taught him after we first kissed… and I remember you teaching me. Sooo I’m not sure what to who or which but… I’m staying right here. He said I had nightmare last night and grabbed him hard and when he said it’s ok he said I was so peaceful sleeping finally that he wish he took a picture. I love him to death but let’s face facts… nothing about this situation is going to be easy. I’m mad cause someone I considered my friend told him I like to get high and fuck but my other friend his other right hand man defended me and even said she finally found the right man. My dating history is EXHAUSTING but I don’t trick!!!! It hurt me he would even think that… And only 6-7 months in… I’m not even trying to think that far ahead. I’m sitting right here for now…

    - - - Updated - - -

    When he said he met me sitting on my friends bed… I remember a bed room looking out into the living room sitting on the bed a split second… at his babies moms house. I didn’t remember it was him her babies dad. It’s all related you know? And from what I wrote in Hail Mary… it was him I was toe to toe with when I wrote that… and when I said in 2018 he’d be breathing again in ready or not and bowing… not a bow to evil or even groupie or… just somewhere inside I knew when he got out I’d be safe again… but that wasn’t until 2021… they gave him 3 extra years as a result of serving for so long. And we were literally babies when he went in just 18 and like I’m so proud of the man he has grown into and become… no lie

    - - - Updated - - -

    I left him in there when he got denied parole because I wanted to have a baby and they gave him 3 more years and at that point my biological clock would’ve run out but I didn’t find a babies dad anyway… you know? I feel like that bitch especially now that another woman put in my place better than I can do it right now… so everything I’m dealing with is pretty much my own fault…

    - - - Updated - - -

    And if you knew how often I usually do the right thing… like any time I don’t on a flip come back to bite harder than it should… I feel like god and my shadows can be TOO hard on me…

    - - - Updated - - -

    So every night I have to face the nightmares alone is my own fault and I accept that

    - - - Updated - - -

    I actually was 17 I think when he went in but you know what… he didn’t snitch and was given extra on that too and it makes me even more proud of the man he was even then… don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time and he was built by that too…

    - - - Updated - - -

    And didn’t drag everyone else down with him… even when he was charged on some extra

    - - - Updated - - -

    Some of the spirits and walking around the times I get sick or when I was younger and wouldn’t… it all came down to this! I had warnings and help and angels and even the ones that didn’t like me…

    - - - Updated - - -



    My ex gave me the down payment for my brand new suv back then… and a man had me choosing and sponsors and spirits and… to the writer and spirit or ghost writer - spoon - like… it’s all falling into place but he still shy to tell me some things

    - - - Updated - - -



    - - - Updated - - -

    Why I can’t post videos again?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Nah cause like even when Jamie died… she was dissing me and dissing me and avoiding me then her and so and so break up and she wanna be my best friend… so one day I didn’t feel like going for pedicures and cancelled sticking up for myself and the next day she died… like if I try to be less passive I get served harsh too

    - - - Updated - - -

    I was having sex one night and whispered nothing to someone… and then I was having sex and asked why I can’t make love… later that night someone touched my hand and I heard I’ll show you…

    - - - Updated - - -

    I don’t know what to think… baby steps and one day at a time

    - - - Updated - - -

    I’m so grateful to have his left as a true friend to defend me… the otherside… wow… ok… WOW
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  2. #1112
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Guys… I really do appreciate you all accommodating the crazy bitch in me… for real for real… those outbursts some of them I really couldn’t help it! Now to work on my screaming at ghosts in my car. I had to call out the other day cause I was screaming so loud to myself that I lost my voice literally…

    - - - Updated - - -

    Pac, Biggie, Nas, Jay z, 50 cent, Mobb deep, the Lox, Black Rob, wu tang… these are the artists that most influenced me growing up… like there is too many to name… how you all can pick your top 5… I really can’t…
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  3. #1113
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    My bf said I shouldn’t put up so much on IG so I’m gonna start blogging here more and it may even be a better way to organize my thoughts to write it one day too… it’s mean as fuck that if I have a daughter nobody will tell me the truth. My mom says no and logic says yes but impossible of crazy? Idek… there are all these split seconds of memories left open ended and it’s hard to imbed myself to learn.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I think about it every day… some days it consumes me more than others and other days I’m just like what the fuck.

    - - - Updated - - -

    The adoption thing is pretty funny… my mom said I been asking her that since I was a kid LMAO and we have too many traits the same and everyone say I look just like her so… probably not there either but why can’t I get my birth certificate? I even put in for it and paid and they sent a letter saying they need more time.

    - - - Updated - - -

    In summary at least…

    - - - Updated - - -

    You ever see that movie that this girl is in a fake world where the entire town is actors and she didn’t know… I don’t remember how it ended and the movie sucked Imagine how cruel and unusual that would be. Like everyone know but you and you walking around looking so naive and stupid!

    - - - Updated - - -

    I had the drs that smiled and said I’m a be just fine… I feel like screaming I AM NOT FINE!!!!

    - - - Updated - - -

    Then I had the friends who all acted like crazy was contagious and treated me with SO much disrespect when I got sick!! I can’t believe I kept making excuses for them… NO MORE NEVER AGAIN

    - - - Updated - - -

    You know I owe my mom and step dad prolly like $500k now? I’m exaggerating I’m sure but… smfh… all I ever wanted was to buy back her house for her… then here I am living off of her sucking her dry while fighting my hardest… I know pac would understand what that alone feels like…

    - - - Updated - - -

    The yay I know… I started cause people I respected did it and that’s the worst seed to plant… so I’ll remain “no opinion. no comment” on the subject… and basically to almost everything. I’m just going to say because I don’t do things I can’t or won’t admit to.

    - - - Updated - - -

    If someone think all this some type of initiation… go to hell! I never asked for and didn’t deserve anything that I’ve been served and as nice as I can be… I’m more like Eddie Hascal… As polite as I can be… I can be an asshole too… and the wrong role model at times.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Smile and wave… that’s what I call it but I don’t want to feel that way inside of me… I don’t wanna feel fake ever again

    - - - Updated - - -

    Like the time I busted out crying at the light in my skye when sitting sideways by Paul wall came on and I looked down and was sitting sideways and screamed I feel like the fakest bitch in the world right now… it was a game changer

    - - - Updated - - -

    My life? I wouldn’t walk it again cause I know I wouldn’t ever get thru again… I’ve had MADDDDD close calls with death! Still taking my personal inventory of skills and tools and personal talents to find and figure out who I am supposed to be

    - - - Updated - - -

    I remember you… I remember you teaching me how to kiss better I remember the beach I remember the exact time we would me j remember a lot. Are you trying to tell me your this asshole and all this accordance to you?

    - - - Updated - - -

    We would meet* and I remember*

    - - - Updated - - -

    I doubt it…

    - - - Updated - - -

    not humiliating… it is DEFILING how mental illness did me and how you feel degraded, abused, disepespected, embarrassed… bitched… like you name it. I wouldn’t wish the plight on anybody!!!

    - - - Updated - - -

    At one point I didn’t even know who I was anymore or what I stood for…

    - - - Updated - - -

    I know what I’m not though… if you can’t tell who you are then you better be sure to know who you’re not (in my pac voice)

    - - - Updated - - -

    I put a meme on my ig and it’s missing now but it meant a lot to me… it said in summary as long as you did and lived in bear heart there is nothing to worry about. Ok… and ok… but what did I do wrong to deserve it to even begin with?!???

    - - - Updated - - -

    In best heart*

    - - - Updated - - -

    And yeah me and this one entity don’t get along and I refuse to trace and they act like they have a rite to demand to be here with me in my body and change my religion when I don’t want to and that’s not how I live

    - - - Updated - - -

    It makes living with my mental illness even harder… I have enough issues without the extra and they not going to act like they can just cure it cause they can’t!!!! I know they can’t…

    - - - Updated - - -

    And it’s been a looming fight since like 2005 and I’m just like BYE then!!! I have my own spirit circle… NOT THEM!!! I start screaming when I start rubbing my leg or kissing my hands… I’ll have to ask my psych about that one…

    - - - Updated - - -

    I so won’t take entire teams or family like you and you but not you and if you have any tie to them especually open then you’re gone too… I have and will cut EVERY bridge and tie to the bitches who enslaved me and played me and hurt me repeatedly like it and I am some joke. HOW WOULD YOU FEEL?!??? The license pic… how? The tractor I remember that… and this inside joke thing? NOT FUNNY and my fam is going to know all…

    - - - Updated - - -

    You’re ALLL above the law assholes… do you realize the brain damage I have now as a result of you all intentionally fucking with my head on top of it all?!???

    - - - Updated - - -

    What and I go to DMV and ask how they got a pic on my license wearing just a sports bra when I know for fact I wore a silk tank? THEY WOULDVE LOCKED ME UP like every time they do when I have proof!!!

    - - - Updated - - -

    I don’t know, I no longer care but EVERYBODY gonna leave me alone and stop fucking with my head…

    - - - Updated - - -

    Seriously though… I want to know why and what was the significance of doing that to me? Why?

    - - - Updated - - -

    They treated me like some human blow up doll toy… showing off what they can do to me, touching me, looking at me, jiggling my belly when I first started to gain the weight, took pictures, etc etc etc… and cause of 1991 they think it is ok and a joke or funny and dismissive. How people who know less then me have rites over me?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Let me stop talking about it before I get sick and freak out all night again

    - - - Updated - - -

    The voices bother me too… why would a mentally I’ll person want psychic conversations? NOT ME!!!! And they used that to play off of that. That I was mentally ill to begin with…

    - - - Updated - - -

    He’s out now and F is on it too I pray… IM FINE!!!! Or soon will be…
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  4. #1114
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Jicera

    - - - Updated - - -

    I remember picking her name… but I don’t wanna bring her into this like that… I’m a private person especually with family
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  5. #1115
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I’m pacing… you ever put Tis act i and act ii together? I used to crack up… but like I’m having trust issues or do I trust it? … the pace … cause I know that’s not my man but he’s my only man and I love him. I trust the relax and the physcial but idk who explains to who that I need more protection than this. The pain again and the tap typing I had to take Tylenol 3 nights in a row for it too

    - - - Updated - - -

    It abuse… and god doesn’t abuse people so who the fuck is? For real though

    - - - Updated - - -

    I didn’t!!! And that’s THEIR problem… my niece had her face fractured in 3 places!!! I’m not going to bug about some car accidents but it’s suspicious… I’m not gonna front

    - - - Updated - - -

    That sounds wrong… like if someone really does throw car accidents wjo! And what’s up with that?

    - - - Updated - - -

    What I’m trying to say is we don’t have the same god or religion and I refuse to walk with them…

    - - - Updated - - -

    I’m going to try to sleep… not feeling like myself and it’s fucking disgusting
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  6. #1116
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2021
    Posts
    621
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: A Disciple's Thread



    Last edited by Candy; November 13th, 2022 at 03:01 PM

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  7. #1117
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2021
    Posts
    621
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: A Disciple's Thread



    Last edited by Candy; October 28th, 2022 at 10:36 AM

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  8. #1118
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2021
    Posts
    621
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: A Disciple's Thread


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  9. #1119
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2021
    Posts
    621
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: A Disciple's Thread



    - - - Updated - - -


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  10. #1120
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2021
    Posts
    621
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: A Disciple's Thread


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  11. #1121
    8===D--- -- - Bag Mandela's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    552
    Battle Record
    1-0
    Awards 1-2 Punch HW Champion - Award nomination from Kill Spree accepted.

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @A Disciple I am going to explain "God" as I noticed some of your comments show signs of confusion, for example:

    "My god wouldn’t do this to me or put me thru this with them!"

    Detach yourself from the situation and consider how logical it is to think that "God" monitors & affects the occurrences in your life. You probably think he/she has intervened to help you in the past, but if this were true then it would mean God can intervene yet has chosen not to prevent countless children being raped & murdered. From this you can understand that you are attributing things to God selectively, which only serves to provide false comfort.
    The concept of God & his/her views of right & wrong are a human creation.
    "God" is used to make people behave in a morally positive fashion as it causes them to think they are being watched & judged. If God loves all of his/her creations equally then Fred West & Gandhi are level pegging & both ok. You can replace this facade with the following reality:
    Good & bad are logically determined by whether a thing aids or hinders efficient collective survival of our species. This is determined by the fact that as long as humanity survives, all previous human life has meaning.
    Are you left handed?

  12. #1122
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2021
    Posts
    621
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: A Disciple's Thread


    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  13. #1123
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Dang guys… thanks for tagging me I missed a lot… working and went back to school this week but I’ll catch up… thanks so much for not letting the thread die!!!

    - - - Updated - - -
    @Bag Mandela that was cool as hell.. thanks!

    - - - Updated - - -
    @Candy that was gross I am moving on to the second one lol XoX

    - - - Updated - - -

    Yeah I am a lefty lmao
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  14. #1124
    8===D--- -- - Bag Mandela's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    552
    Battle Record
    1-0
    Awards 1-2 Punch HW Champion - Award nomination from Kill Spree accepted.

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @A Disciple you are welcome, I noticed you use the site almost like a diary, but posting publicly would suggest you are seeking input from others. Also, given that it is a battle rap site, it's a pretty hostile environment for writing about your personal life & how you feel. I had a feeling you were a lefty as your flow of thought doesn't follow a predominantly logical path, which isn't a good or bad thing btw, but you might want to look into left & right brain function to better understand yourself. Have you ever been diagnosed with anything requiring you to see a psychiatrist or counsellor? Based on you being very open I assume you'll respond here but some people are sensitive about things like that so if you'd rather not answer publicly you can PM

  15. #1125
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2021
    Posts
    621
    Battle Record
    1-0

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    i missed you sooo much xoxo

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •