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Thread: A Disciple's Thread

  1. #886
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    The last 2-3 weeks have been painful and abusive every day and night again (physically)

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    Can I ask who why? How? And leave me and my body alone… did you see what they did too?
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  2. #887
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Thank you… I don’t even know where to start right now. I need to think. I feel so stupid. I just feel like I’m in the wrong zone with the same people who hurt me and put me thru hell to begin with.

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    Nah I really don’t know the depths of it but I’m trusting god and instinct again cause I’ve been hurt worse than “better” people

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    Hurt worse BY “better” people*

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    I have a spirit infection right now… bare with me

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    I’m not even gonna say that or accuse or base anything off of assumption… but don’t let them use me like some game ball ever again if you can please. I wanna write and make money but I also have a lot of personal healing to do too! I don’t want every body all in my personal business either and they also posting shit as me that I didn’t even write or say…

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    That song “no love” by Eminem and lil Wayne… my fire song. I was joking about Belly V (bitches skipping scenes) and then they can do 3 and 4 cause like nobody schooling me and I don’t know where to find answers I need either… anyways I’m a go take a bath and think… and you’re right - don’t think “just do it” like Nike says… I just hope they stop tapping and pinning and tugging when I’m trying to sleep!
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  3. #888
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I don’t and won’t listen to anybody that uses abuses and physical pain to try and train a bitch either. Nor do I believe in training or changing grown women - how did so many people get on my body and in my religion to even begin with?

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    Think “just do it” like the Nike slogan*

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    They think they have just as much right to me and my body than me… I’m going to try to sleep.
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  4. #889
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I was hoping to pay the artists who helped me to write back like 5-10% royalty but to throw the lyrics to something completely different and let those artists change or rearrange to make it their own. It would be a blessing to heal and recover and support myself again doing something I love again! And for all my outbursts or fights like I would move the best over to a different account. Insanity is very embarrassing and humiliating too. But if that was more than ironic - THANK YOU and bless you all too!

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    “Go on baby scream to god he can hear you” ~ Tupac
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  5. #890
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Like I’m in extreme physcial pain right now and he probably jerking off to it too… get him away from me

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    I won’t tolerate or forgive physcial abuse… in fact it’s probably the only thing I believe in divorce over

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    And I don’t believe in divorce
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  6. #891
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Does anybody know which one is my soulmate cause I’m totally confused!!! And if that is my daughter you keeping away from me… LMMFAO … I’m superficial, not conceited… but I’m crazier than you and most… it’s definitely not a threat cause I would never hurt you… but anyways why my besty couldn’t look me in the eyes today?!???

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    �� “187, 187… departure from the hood destination hell or heaven”
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  7. #892
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I don’t sit up in the cemetery to be a thug lord I go to think… and I have his blood neck to knee and I know he’s an Angel too… at one point i didn’t know if that what was getting me hit or saving my life… and since nobody likes me it makes me wonder if he hates me too… everything everyone says to do like it’s so easy - like tell them to stop sternly… doesn’t work for me! Like… I’ve tried EVERYTHING down to even jumping over a broom - nothing works!!!

    Why do I need a man to motivate me? If it was my daughter in this situation I would demand she do it for herself too… but for some reason I can’t… maybe it balances for the men that hate as strong that I am. For a white girl I’ve been thru some real shit. Probably because I write. But seeing how late I am… makes me wonder too… it’s a dramatization but not really either and like…

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    I think I was his vest and got pulled down… we all was on the same side I feel but I was only in that city a year at the time… maybe 2 and I don’t know what to think for real… but between ready or not or Hail Mary… I would’ve went Hail Mary with it… I’m blessed for tongues but to be honest I hate them too! I just wish people would speak and spit it out cause I’m sure it didn’t have to be like this… and I’m looking like some liar in all my confusion too. I know the difference between fact and hallucinations. Only I never did a hallucinagin in my entire life… and I have one week and 10 seconds of memory so bare with me…

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    If you hated me I didn’t know and definitely not know why either…

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    It feels like people that have disrespected and I don’t respect are demanding to boss me around and trying to demand my decisions instead of me and not respecting mine

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    On a religious level too… that’s where I’m getting mad

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    The Quran didn’t say not to claim it until you read it entirely at the end so I didn’t know and didn’t mean to disrespect… I believe in and respect Allah but staying with my creed until I bounce back to religion - and what level I’m a keep it at.

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    The blurry vision and streets getting cut off while driving isn’t funny now either… like they hit me in my born city myrtle beach (well north myrtle beach was) and I’m not letting that go… just to be honest

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    I’m held to a higher standard and such… and starting to resent the ants that aren’t and been kicking my ass practically my entire life

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    SO WHAT!!! Why is that so fucking important and more important than the stalking, abuse, and torture anyway?

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    Get your priorities in order for real…

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    Listen… if it’s someone claiming to love me I have to love you too… and I don’t and I won’t tolerate or respect physical and all the abuse you have served me. Just cause you can doesn’t make it so and I want to know how that happens to even begin with!
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  8. #893
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    It’s a dramatization…
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  9. #894
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Why I forgave him? Something was wrong with his eyes and I fucked him 100x prior - it was a big deal but it wasn’t… on a spiritual level like we had but I didn’t realize - something was dead wrong! And his baby mom fixed it…

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    So I forgive that and get hit like that and this with them all saying it’s my dream and I like it?!??? I don’t fucking think so…

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    Ever since Chris died my world has been different and I see different… it was never a problem before unless my old friends were mad at me and I realize that now… idk everybody was lying about that but I’m a ride thru it… if it’s another mistake like damn… I’m trying to be my best but I also am trying to stay real…

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    I woke up and thought you were back for me and it was on everything until I finally realized it wasn’t and something was wrong…

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    If I have babies that’s over everything… like I’m just trying to get back to my family and my family and get this cheap prick who refuse to get out the way thinks I’m a write some type of book in jail… nah

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    That’s why I dumped it cause like I was finally good at something else too and was starting a career with options. I figured I couldn’t pay them back if I was dead and I do feel like I paid it forward when you’re ward came back round again

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    I don’t want to live my life in my glory days (career) or war stories (teenager)… but I’m hoping to be blessed to support myself again too and finally get back to safe and peace and comfort and myself… this switching and circling not good for my health. And like I wasn’t trying to be arrogant it’s just what I love to do… write. I hope I deserve the blessing but YOU? I don’t know if I can look you in the eye cause I’m humiliated and defiled for a minute… I just hope I deserve a good life again cause like yeah it does feel like there’s a God always yelling at and serving me… and the nightmares? Like whoa… nah like - the average person gets more on a less (a given) and all the hits and curses instead? Like take that wheel and spin it back the other way and it better not effect you now… I’m not gonna live and stay in some nightmare abused cause some bitches think they have that rite… and that man?!?!? Do you know how long it took to even trust him to begin with? And just anybody can do that? Fucking perve lying saying that man raped them and who turned out to be the sex offender? You gonna try to lie on me too? And just all the drama…

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    On the strength of me I hate and refuse to ever have anything to do with a lot of people too!

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    Cause I said I wanna get my moms bdays back…

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    I’m run that over anything else all day but I feel like you trying to convince me it’s all not real and just a dream and that’s not fair either… in fact - dead wrong - why would you be so selfish or hate me so much?

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    If that’s what’s up and what’s real… I wouldn’t even be here if the situation was flipped.

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    When he asked me how would I feel if my parents got back together… I’m not mad baby but I’m not going to let you get hit or hurt either - come back…

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    Just have to keep reminding myself because everybody is lying to me… and I mean EVERYBODY

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    I lost that post and when I realized it was to me I couldn’t find it. . I’d give anything to read it again

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    I’m sure they compared me to Kate our entire lives and hardly… just literally any second I lit a blunt I’d be hit and after… mb I wanted to smoke but couldn’t find any weed

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    And I got hit soooo… there’s a traitor that gots to go

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    I don’t hate you… I just don’t ever want to see you again K… lying by omission and trying to trick me to marry you… and coming in like that with my old friends to begin with. And I hope it’s not on the strength of my baby daddy cause I will hate him for life too!

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    Dang where did the sky’s the limit double.cd of big go?

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    Notorious thugs I was looking for and found it

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    Yeah… 5

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    Just mad late… you would wonder what’s up with that too cause idk either

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    Making money and keeping family separate… cute but yes - I think that’s what I prefer knowing I deserve back both

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    Being on my body unless it’s my bd or family makes you a sex offending pervert not some god or my man - get off me
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  10. #895
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I must’ve used to know cause I remember getting mad at I can’t remember if it was black sheep or Cyprus hill with the “caution before having sexual intercourse with a girl like Cheryl be sure to wear your jimmy hat condom”
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  11. #896
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Because I don’t want to live like this with you… stop pinning my nose for real. When I get my god back

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    IF I FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT

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    Like they have my body but they’re not my god and our tastes aren’t compatible and it feels gross and abusive

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    Because it’s YOUR culture not mine and I never asked for the change

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    Almost exactly wolf…

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    Not one long day… I love to sleep… and rewind that’d be nice sometimes too but I’ve never seen it - I peeped the tat

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    If the wolf is in everyone’s best interest but mine that’d be dead wrong and I believe fate can change 5x a day… just cause that doesn’t mean i side over there cause in music there is nothing really fake about me

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    Hide me from any god who thinks that their family is more important to me than mine

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    I should go to sleep but they fucking with me… When I start tripping when I was trying talk to my daughter?

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    That’s not my god either that would co sign that either

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    I’m gonna try to go to bed…
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  12. #897
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Like nah I don’t wanna be that bitch again though and it’s dead wrong to be so like I just wish he didn’t come out and commit - I wish he dated… and I just need Allies and friends that understand and help and can give advice

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    But dang I always feel droubted I wanna have sex too!!!!
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  13. #898
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    just masterbate
    even if in different places like the bath/shower or the lounge/kitchen cutie and take care xoxo

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  14. #899
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    your avy looks dope boss xoxo

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  15. #900

    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Candy View Post
    your avy looks dope boss xoxo
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