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Thread: A Disciple's Thread

  1. #871
    95 motha fuckers get live A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @Candy yeah it was a good movie… I’m watching weeds on freevee but keep losing my place

    Big… idk why I’m always so mad at you but I can’t do this without you

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    So like I wasn’t the one that did anything wrong but my life deferred cause of him? That’s why it never worked with anyone else and why I never had the 3 kids I swore I was gonna have?

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    And when I asked god why I couldn’t make love and like that and like that is everyone even fucking kidding me right now? And I’m.supposed to say ok and forgive it? When he feeding me half a line every other day cause he with his new bitch that stayed with him and I’m just sitting here like this… ARE YOU EVEN SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?

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    And all I can do is play pac and Adele cause even my baby daddy an asshole too

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    I’m supposed to say now I know? With my ONE life and my dreams gone?

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    Or am I supposed to be this stupid Cinderella bitch just marry anyone cause factors seem to make my dreams come true… my dreams are over baby… I wanted a family

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    Fell out the car saying me? Shoe? … just to keep me awake though

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    Sometimes I play that ish on repeat

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    Bullets to my nuts didn’t make my balls fatter it made me even madder

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    And I could’ve still had kids I remember the dr telling me and like

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    I couldn’t even protect myself how was I supposed to protect them?

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    And now you telling me this?

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    It sucks to be good at something bad until I was good at something good too

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    Big I know I’m all about pac but I can’t do this without you either

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    The psychic pulled to soulmate card

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    How am I supposed to forgive him for going to jail 25 years? I can’t… I don’t think I can

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    I’m not the one that fucked up but I’m the one that suffered

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    And now I look like some thot bish that didn’t stay too?!!!!?!!! Like….

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    We were teen agers… he grew up in there

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    That’s why? Are you even kidding me right now?

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    In the next reading they made it look like I’m the one you ie he can’t trust

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    So what was all that cheering and jeering? All the moments I missed but got back any way to remind me? Like what was that? And that and finally a motive that makes sense and like nah it wasn’t like that for real either… I
    What’s in your soul is inherent… and this ghost walk too! When my ghosts started to feel like my enemie too - that’s when I got scared ~ CLA919

  2. #872
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    i loved weeds ive watched so many series and episodes that its the type of show you can just relax and watch even fall asleep to
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy
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  3. #873
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I don’t miss him I miss my sponsor

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    @Candy what cracks me up about weeds is the bends and the loops like so bad and so different between seasons you’re not even sure you are watching the same show

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    Nah I just want my sponsor back… he can go be with his girl

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    I got my ex I got magic I’m a be fine…

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    This the one I want back… or it was all under him? I know he blood… like what now my sponsor either on the strength of him too?

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    Just tell me who I said nothing to fucking my ex that night

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    I don’t want love anymore I want MONEY

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    Or is that why I’m the thot bitch that don’t deserve it?

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    He may have been the one to serve 25 years but in return babies was my entire life and not having them more and like all those times having sex staring at the ceiling KNOWING it wasn’t love and like… what? He deserve a medal letting me do my thing though?

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    I married f in vioux in 95 and nah I didn’t remember him prior but he had key facts and I can see him trying to tell me more too… like when he said “I did it” after he played that song

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    And the lists… a couple of my boyfriends made me write a list who I slept with and stuff like that

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    And my ex who I lived with a year and never tried to hit it raw until he moved out and we broke up. He smacked me… and we broke up soon after… the one that put the down payment on my suv.. a huge one

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    The one I said nothing to my sponsor with having sex too

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    Who talks to my soul?

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    Honestly… I’m about to tell him I need time to think cause it’s not ok and it will never be ok again cause it’s too late now

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    I’ll never have babies now and I don’t want someone else’s

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    “If he taught me better than you than why I fell asleep”? My baby dad wasn’t that into me and I loved him to death… but knowing I deserve someone that loved me too or like always fed into that is why I fell asleep…

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    Because a man doesn’t have me choosing males it worse now?

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    Yeah… I relapsed and drank tonight

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    I have to work tomorrow but know I can’t sleep

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    I always had a 10 and was at best a 7… I get it now I think

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    How do I go back to my old zone legal? I remember having sex at my exes house and saying nothing but I don’t know who I was talking to and everything was ok back then and I was safe… you know?

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    I’m just trying to find who I was talking to

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    And getting my ass kicked these past 9 years about the same exact time he been with his girl like you? And you? And you dropped me for real? Was it him? Like… was I talking to him or I was talking to who?

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    I’m hurt beyond comprehension and he can never make up no babies to me

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    I’m not going to lie though there is something inside who loves him beyond explanation… I even wanna say it sometimes… and the sex to die for too. But I think I’m a leave again…

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    Another song that took my soul like I don’t wanna know did



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    I’m not sure what went wrong but I have a feeling ever since I told you I lied about my age

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    Dancing toe at the centre to ducking bullets 2 years later… who would’ve thought? I miss the slow mo M… I miss the fun… I miss the money… I miss walking like before I woke up! Sometimes I wish he never woke me up and sometimes I hate him for it cause I think he just did to be mean…

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    I heard one word in his lyrics and slammed on my brakes on a divided highway…

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    “Do you idiots listen to music or do you just skim thru it” BOTH but mostly I heard every word

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    So now that cla919 has explained “miss rosy Perez” you can call a spade what it is… idk about them ariticles you read but I’m grown now… all that my boyfriend of like 10 years and for shopping money - he loved it too and it’s why he “wifed” me… but I fucked up when I fucked his cousin cause he just told me who my ex took to Florida that weekend and why he won’t be back until Monday… I fall into that mad fuck his friend shit a lot back then… My game grown up now too though

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    Per your own words “you were better off not looking at all”

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    I see the relation to spoon and I love him to death though… but on the pretense to that to there to that? … you know I’m not stupid too… but I’ll run thru a nyc apt for you any day to counteract that venom. If only I knew how… cause like Hollins didn’t lift until everyone but us was out the car and my dad died too so I’m 0-3 right now. Why?

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    He touched my leg and woke me up a split second… I got spoons back too

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    It sucks to be good at something bad but after ced I was so literally dead and it breathed life into me again… until I realized how good I was at being an EA. And then came that decision “went by the fork in that road and went straight” for real for real

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    I used to stop at the gas station and get devil dogs and funions before I went home to my diary “renegade” on multiple levels especially considering I’m a lefty

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    But I am female… and that’s what no one expected I think
    What’s in your soul is inherent… and this ghost walk too! When my ghosts started to feel like my enemie too - that’s when I got scared ~ CLA919

  4. #874
    95 motha fuckers get live A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    So I went out last night and stayed up… tried to nap it didn’t work (I feel haunted like icky people are in my body literally when I try to sleep a lot. But anyways no sleep and work - this should be fun!

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    People who have traumatized me*

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    Or that I just don’t like… but it feels like living people and that’s what is wack about it too…

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    Ok… I’ll try for real this time XoX

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    If I gain 2lbs it’s over and I’m going back…

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    Drinking is kicked already… I only had 1 glass last night

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    Alright at 2lbs I put the weed down too but 5lbs I’m going back to my original

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    Nah that’s not gonna work out… idk what to think… it’s gonna be a minute but he doesn’t have the time for me to make him my all… I’m gonna tell him I’m going to still date as well as I know he do too… as he should. I get stuck in a spin so easy though… you know?

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    Just as easy in as out… I love that song �� I changed my mind… I don’t love you no more (Keisha cole) actually her entire cd surprised me cause it was like the first R&B I could relate to

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    Besides Mary J… that’s just a given

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    Actually ced did get on his knees outside when all the clubs got out and I forgave him…

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    Nah I knew when we moved into Hillcroft we were never gonna get married but that’s my boy boy beyond everything I thought cause even when we weren’t together we were still cool (even though it was rare and we mostly were). I was down south and I found out he was living with his girlfriend… “my face was stone shocked word back home” Jay z

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    That’s why I wrote it… it was me and ced

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    Song Cry
    YouTube Video:
    Click here to view on youtube

    THE REALEST SONG EVER TO ME, I HAD TO FIX IT, AFTER I FULLY UNDERSTOOD!

    I think back to the time when we first met…
    I remember every moment, I can never forget.
    We fell in love that night, laying, staring at the sky
    Who ever thought me and you would be the ones to say goodbye.
    And at the time with all the things I was going through…
    You just stole my diary, stole my heart, and made me part of you.
    You introduced me to a life that helped me to find a way…
    And from that moment on - every day for you I would pray.
    Every struggle I felt, every hit I took with you,
    But now that you’re gone, I don’t know what to do.
    Sometimes the pain would take me to my knees…
    I’d just look back up to the sky crying and begging the Lord please.
    With you, I’d always compete.
    I’d ask - you’d say no - I find it my way - then repeat.
    It seems like we were so damn happy when we were building
    But not everything that glitters is gold, it’s just gilding.

    hook

    In the beginning, all the girls, I really and truly didn’t care.
    Because those bitches didn’t have shit on us, and of that, I was well aware.
    But then it, they, them, it all became too much…
    I became jaded and my emotions became out of touch.
    I have never been as much of a soldier, as I been, when it came to me and you…
    With you by my side, there wasn’t a god damn drill I couldn’t get through.
    I’d give my life for you, for this game, but it wasn’t ever returned…
    How many times were you all gonna sit back and watch as I got burned?
    Well now I’ve learned…
    Even to this day, sometimes I forget who I am, without you…
    But I know it’s not reciprocated so what was a girl supposed to do.
    I sould, with every memory scorched and scarred on my back
    Clear minded I planned a style of attack

    hook

    At first I called you when I saw them outside; I needed help, now I need to know why
    You left me with the decision get robbed, go to jail, or die.
    I chose to do the laundry because at least the decision was mine.
    But I can’t believe of all people YOU were the one to put me on that line.
    Round two, no more me and you, I thought I found a love that was true
    I jumped all in, put the dice on the table, with the strength to be willing and able
    Game day came, same circumstances,
    Knowing there were no more second chances
    This time I stood firm with the eyes in back of me
    Cause a promise is kept with a breath that was taken from me
    But I am not going to sit here and cry. Not one more fucking tear…
    Cause with me and you gone, I swear to fucking god I have not left one more fucking fear.

    They say once a good girls gone bad she is gone forever… I say never, just a bad girl wishing she could be good now just fall back and respect like you should.

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    I was really sick mentally and physically when me and ced broke up and I realized it was a never.
    What’s in your soul is inherent… and this ghost walk too! When my ghosts started to feel like my enemie too - that’s when I got scared ~ CLA919

  5. #875
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I felt that

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    The beat beat it’s in your heart… but who on the other side cause my entire life I just assumed it was god

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    Until I was being abused and I know my god wouldn’t do that to me… especially for no reason
    What’s in your soul is inherent… and this ghost walk too! When my ghosts started to feel like my enemie too - that’s when I got scared ~ CLA919

  6. #876
    95 motha fuckers get live A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread


    Right on time for Times Square too…

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    Nah just like sitting there and watching confused… waiting… learning patience and like to trust in zones where impossible happen so like how I’m supposed to trust a god that did that to me and put me thru all that?

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    Nah just like sitting there and watching confused… waiting… learning patience and like to trust in zones where impossible happen so like how I’m supposed to trust a god that did that to me and put me thru all that?

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    I need coffee brb

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    Ow..: that’s crazy how I really feel you though - so what’s up with this over here then too? I’m confused as fuck but we vibe… more so than not

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    When I think of you? Idk… I don’t want to ever be that stupid pathetic bitch again though… that depends on who you are how I act and I’m not sure I want to get caught up in some ole just flip anywhere cliche

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    Well… if you’re not happy for me there is a problem! And if I’m doing something wrong to worry or upset you then find a way to tell me that too

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    But giving bitches permission that they never had to begin with that will enable them to just hit me again????? You out your damn mind if you think I’m a do that!

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    Not even for you…

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    Ok a song that I think of when I think of you…

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    Cause all that other personal to me and I don’t wanna talk about it yet or like this to you especially when addressing them. Yo it’s real fucked up though… can I even trust you?

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    The relation… the call where she said that… so I rolled my eyes and did to… the cones… I don’t want anything or anyone getting in the way of my focus and on days off it feel like it almost could type like it’s an element I don’t really want to shut completely out unlesss I have to

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    Post You're the Man.... (NAS)
    You’re Da Man!!!
    YouTube Video:
    Click here to view on youtube

    I was chilling in the crib one day
    When 5 birds came and chased me away
    I guess in a way, you can say
    A lil birdy told me
    That he was about to scold me
    What I do? I was just keeping it real
    Is it cause I realized in utter famine and thirst one will steal?
    My neighbor couldn’t even give me a free glass of water
    And of all that brought to me this new world order
    A world that opened up and turned on me
    Fuck what they in to, I wasn’t even trying to see
    Ran out the door and was knocked down the stairs
    Trying to keep cool on the block ignoring their stares
    Then hell opened up and it turned into an inferno
    Felt the heat penetrate my skin
    To the point of desinigration
    Turned the corner saw kids playing in the yard
    So I gave up and said fuck it for them I am scarred
    No sense of watching an innocent suffer, not given a chance
    So look this white girl in the face and tell me it’s my last dance
    Felt the smack, from my own father, an attack
    And now, I am not even trying to make up for where I lack
    Instead I turned around and said ok
    If this is the way you wanna play
    Instinct took over, I hardly had to think
    I stared hard at the bitch recording me as I sipped my drink
    Number one… thall shall not murder? … Ok
    You really wanna play?
    Off to the mall and around the block
    I chose my weapon – hardly a glock
    Drove to the scene
    Yet somehow my heart still found a way to intervene
    Eye to eye I fear no man
    But what was said was so real, I began to understand
    Looking back, all my memories flashed before me
    Like that time dude slipped me a micky
    It didn’t click until coming out of surgery that day
    That when I woke I didn’t realized I was touched as I lay
    Once a victim, the pattern is constant, I can name 3
    3 motherfucking times I begged a motherfucker not to penetrate me
    Trying hard to convince my body not to lock, it just makes it hurt more
    So off to that other world my mind started to soar
    I continued to look back on my life, my footprints in the sand
    When I see my own I was carried? Now that shit I can’t fucking stand
    Friends that I’d give my life for turned their backs and closed their doors
    Laughing at the demons who picked me back up yet forgetting all yours
    Shit got ill penning in my notebook
    Codes that were written left me visibly shook
    Abandoned by almost every one
    I lived for nothing and then I was done

    I was propositioned, I saw it my only way out
    At this point I was a suicidal bitch without a doubt
    Eventually, I learned how to deal with the real
    My heart beats heavy some nights, just to remind me I still feel
    I don’t know why I forgave my father yet again
    But just when I was out, I heard the slaves cry --- so I jumped back in
    Leave those who saved me?
    Never, then what example or lesson would I be?
    Now you wanna trick me?
    Give orders out just to be a dick B?
    My own brethren turn around and beat me?
    All because this bitch wanna defeat me?
    I tried to tell myself the humilitation of it all made me a better person
    But feeling so fake and so weak, and still to get fucked over, that’s when it hurts then
    But don’t they know… the reaper my best friend
    I cloak up and ride just to make the offer with him
    I ain’t afraid to lose my head to the sword
    He even send me reminders, felt the roll, and what redemption my reward?

    So I studied, stayed real, and conversated with ghosts and the best of them
    Traced like over 1000 confessions, them begging me to justify them
    I see it --- I see almost every angle
    You no longer have me nor have that carrot to dangle
    Pac said a flower grows in the concrete and showed me a pic
    I even heard one grow in a dark room in a lyric by Kendrick
    We never run in the city we come from
    But I refuse to let these weak ass motherfuckers make me look dumb
    Do you know my drills?
    You think I let go just for the thrills?
    I let go to remind them, any day, any time
    And that isn’t just over my God given talent to rhyme
    You can’t judge me for looking back to the times when I was most happy
    Why would I betray the brotherhood that spawned me?
    I want my position back
    I think I’ve earned where I lack
    Don’t get me wrong… I don’t have an ounce of hate in my heart
    But don’t you dare question when, where, how, or why I called this war to start
    And to my one, my burner in the bushes… I don’t know who what or where you are
    But you’re MY God, and when I hit this shit out of the park for you I pray it go far.
    What’s in your soul is inherent… and this ghost walk too! When my ghosts started to feel like my enemie too - that’s when I got scared ~ CLA919

  7. #877
    95 motha fuckers get live A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Like my heart aches right now for real and I don’t understand why or what they’re upset over or even who it really is

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    I don’t believe in that order… if things are meant to be it shouldn’t hurt anybody close to you or who you love in my opinion

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    Tap to the knee and all that shit and it’s annoying as fuck to be honest - especially when they using that to torture

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    One snap of abuse I can’t stand… don’t use physical pain to talk to me or try to tell me what to do…

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    Maybe I’ll try to sleep… work tomorrow

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    And don’t bother me when I’m at work either… 10am - 2pm ET get off me please! I got confused today for no reason again typing die to myself…

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    If I have to deal with a zone that disrespects me they gonna learn to respect me, my body, and my personal boundaries! And if they still refuse to… no go!!!! I don’t even need or want them!!!!!
    What’s in your soul is inherent… and this ghost walk too! When my ghosts started to feel like my enemie too - that’s when I got scared ~ CLA919

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