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Thread: A Disciple's Thread

  1. #541
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I love forever young and wrote back to it too… it’s almost accurate except it be one big day where you can hit rewind… you can’t hit rewind and there is nothing I hate more than NOT sleeping!!!

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    @Candy this is what I wrote in response to “Forever Young”

    After the hook...

    I think from where we are from we understand more and judge less.
    We can appreciate the fact that hey we are not perfect but we are trying our best.

    We appreciate that life can pick up and change directions at any given moment… so I guess we learn to live for the day, knowing that tomorrow is not promised.
    And in the memory of those who have fell, we tip bottles to pay homage.

    In youth, there’s hardly a past and the future is never ending, unpredictable, an open door way.
    And if at times it appears we don’t hear what you say, we just really have to watch which moves we play.

    Whether it be ignorance or for better word - lack of awareness… cause when we grow we up realize there is just too much to lose.
    And sometimes we feel we just didn’t have too many directions to choose.

    Hook...

    Sometimes we are not as willing to compromise as much or take that leap of faith cause at times it has evaded.
    Unless you’ve been guided in faith you don’t realize he’s not gone just temporary faded.

    There is hope – because we have to hope that there are / at least can be / many more days coming.
    And don’t try to understand because we definitely march to the beat of different drumming.

    But at the same time in living for today – you are not necessarily expecting a tomorrow.
    And sometimes we do some pretty weird things to conquer that sorrow.

    A goal not attained is not that big of a deal – cause we just find another one.
    All the while we keep it real with who we are while just trying to get it done.

    Possibilities. Endless possibilities. That’s all we hear.
    But tell that to me during drill day when I got to channel and conquer that fear.

    Hook...

    I think back to survival mode – and it wasn’t ever all that bad “we survived through the bad parts” on auto pilot, whether that be angels that carried us or something of the other sorts

    We made it to fight another day.
    Looking back like damn – how did it get done doing it that way?

    I guess when it comes to people like us – we shouldn’t look back – cause when we do it leaves us with so many questions. Too many questions. Every move scrutinized and under attack.

    We appreciate that nothing and no one is perfect
    Even though at times we feel we don’t deserve it.

    But until that bell has rung, Im a live forever young.

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    Drill day… “are you gonna drop the bomb or not” in how many times and how many ways but I’m a soldier and a general and if shit pop off I’m prepared to help even though you can’t really predict that until the time come… I was one that swore I’d never pull it and almost did so like… we worked a lot on my anger. You never know until that actual moment is here… I guess that’s why it can feel so real and even so personal… like how I was cracking up at the man walking down the street fist in the air looking like he’s talking mad shit to god or swearing he ready… then I drove by 10 minutes later and his ass was passed out on the ground ambulance and all… and nah I don’t know facts just waiting or the “we will see”

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    That’s my opinion… I would like to read more from people who know better than me

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    “Watch the body tilt when you hit the head” it’s sadistic but that part cracks me up in “Stay Schemin” I don’t ever wanna be on the other side of that though…

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    I wrote this to Styles P been around… I listen to it when I’m sad

    I used to say I’d never do a bid, and ain’t nothing in life more important then the kids
    That the code of the streets was more loyal then your profile is
    And that id give my life if it would give him back his
    I’d say hit, shot, smoke when I’d stand in their circle
    Then I lost my mind and they only cared how my birds call
    When your walking or marching or just airing it out
    People see you different then their reAsable doubt
    They think your spoiled or special and can’t understand the fall or the respect due
    They didn’t know It was half faith in My God that I was trying to show you too
    You Look them in the eye and turn, tell them to shoot you in the back that’s how our law do
    Or living by a code we seem to all lose
    The only codes we ever understood or respect
    Then they look me at can’t understand the harsh deck
    And I say it’s prolly when my family left that I died
    Smile and wave...
    And it’s in only in secret when And if I ever cried
    I’d say I’m still a lot like you
    Just different, that’s why the respect too
    My own seeds hate me, and I didn’t trade my life instead that’s just how fate be
    And if I did it for one I did it for all... but I guess it’s just how the fallen and the walking dead fall...
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  2. #542
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    I have a lot riding on me and I can’t understand a man I can’t and won’t respect and is abusive on me… like wtf do I do? Why no one will make them get off me? I’m not your bitch for real! I don’t and won’t tolerate abuse - it’s a trait that is weak as fuck… it’s just not in me to respect that I’m sorry.

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    How are you not a bitch if you hurt and abuse woman… you only do so because you can’t stand to a man and hold your own or insecure or short or gay or bisexual and don’t respect them. Men are supposed to protect woman and make them their best not their worst selves. Do you wanna see my room right now? Anything but me!!!! I dated an abusive man that used to beat the shit out of me before and they play games like a female and really make you believe it’s YOURE fault THEYRE hitting YOU… fortunately after he went to jail and I didn’t see or talk to him and 2 weeks later it’s like the spell snapped and I was over it and also I was grateful he broke up with me and felt my obligation to be with him was released. That 8 though… if you love somebody you can’t and are not capable of hurting them - that’s not love. My Muslim neighbor taught me “if I don’t want to I don’t have to” … wtf do I owe this abusive prick that’s on me and won’t come out of the dark?

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    Nah like I can’t stand a man that thinks no means a challenge and not NO!!!! Like our natures just don’t mix… find another bitch

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    Like how you talk about you love somebody that’s not even attracted to or compatible with you… love is mutual!!!! That’s not love!!!! That’s ego, obsession, and demand… get over yourself and stop trying to derail and demand my decisions too!!! If there is one thing I learned is how effing selfish most people can be!!!! You can’t make somebody love or respect you if they just don’t.

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    It’s not my karma either… I learned that young from the movie “can’t buy me love”

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    I’m not some dumb ass bitch that’s seeking your approval either… you can be paid like the top 5 and I wouldn’t give a fuck I’m not sacrificing my health or happiness to be rich either. And I saw it with my dad - what comes up can go back down if you’re not living right. Some stranger creeper that attached to my body trying to change my god and religion too?!?!!? Get over yourself and please leave me alone!!! I only want to be around people that are in my best interest not trying to build a bitch to fit yours.

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    Been there done that and MY god knows when I will again… not happening buddy not right now

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    For the last 8 mother fucking years of saying no every day and begging you to leave me and my body alone can you PLEASE leave me and my body alone?!?!? If I look ugly and keep giving myself dirty looks in the mirror or kiss my hands again I’m going to start throwing dishes again… out my car window cause I wouldn’t do that to my mom and alarm her. It’s what’s the word like it ware’s you down but EVERYTHING against my soul and core being… I just can’t homie, I really can’t

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    How you torture someone you say you love anyway? It’s like a Bible story you learn and the one who DOES love you will let go not to see it happen to you. V stay on please… W get off… let’s just resolve a few things first. Can you please stop blocking my family too?!??!

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    I’m not trying to be righteous and I am far from perfect but I deserve peace, comfort, and recovery not being bitched by some man who swear I answer to or belong to him… ESPECIALLY being a victim to stalking too… it’s probably him and been him the entire time too. Nah I fear my god, not you… and he would effing kill me if I ever forgave any of them bitches again. NO!! I’m not siding with them!!!

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    To be honest… I’m still debating if I HAVE to or just CAN behind that rape…

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    Cause believe me I’m all for “life is harder”

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    Like you ever see Constantine? I feel like 1 side is pulling too hard and doesn’t trust my judgement… and won’t respect my decisions

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    Last I checked I was only a virgin ONCE… that’s the only mother fucker besides my council and my loved ones that I have to respect or listen to. Besides the laws of society too…
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  3. #543
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    disiple i love you god bless....

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    my real name is mathew

  4. #544
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    i think your still a virgin to me once and for forever

    ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
    ps yall two dedications rocked the house
    curious más curioso y más curioso

  5. #545
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @frankiemc OMG Mathew... HI!!!! Hope you've been doing well. Hope your holidays were blessed. Missed you, stay on!

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    @Candy thank you... what did you do for the holidays?

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    @Pair-A-Dyce THAT was AMAZING and profesional too... I have to run out but I'll try to drop a verse on it when I get back home!

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    Guys... thank you for not banning me again and giving me my thread I can vent on - it's helping me a lot. <3
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  6. #546
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    no probs i kicked it with my sister and her husband
    and i got a bottle of moscato for the new years which is tonight in australia

    what did you get up to and or getting up to
    curious más curioso y más curioso

  7. #547
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Nada I'm staying home...
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  8. #548
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @Pair-A-Dyce

    Stop Playing Games with my Heart

    It’s just how she be whether she like you or not
    And nah she not your basic hoe, baby girl is a THOT
    Looking for love in all types of places
    Shawty a dime – but she just looking to hooking them faces
    Or is she looking for love, shawty can’t even cook
    All she know is reservations but somehow it’s a bad look
    And time keeps ticking like an atomic clock
    She ain’t gonna waste no time - if she like it she gonna put it on lock
    Never look her dead in the eye she’ll see right into your soul
    Like a pizza pie, she will only give you a slice but never make you her whole
    (Her mama taught her that)
    No lover wants a part way rush… is she just playing games or did she make it clear you are just a crush

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    @Candy I quit drinking... no liquor for me. Part of the reason I am staying in too.
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  9. #549
    Princess Jonny Knows Candy's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    lol nice i just bought a bottle of hennesy
    curious más curioso y más curioso

  10. #550
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Yeah henny was my shit but when I can’t afford or even just to… we bring out the E&J!!!

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    2/4 was the day I got tongues… Chris H was murdered at a party that was lit the ef up and he was on my lap on the way to the hospital. My first slow mo, etc… that’s why the little girl was handing reaper the flowers… I was 16

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    I saw the 1 and I don’t know if you got to read but LOVE your work!

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    @Candy try it with pineapple it’s good
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  11. #551
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    @Spartacus what was the deleted post?

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    I’m blaming it all on who? I’m blaming R and R and K and M and BJ… them bitches like the plague… every time they come around I’m hit and go down… I want nothing to do with ANY of my old friends or their families EVER AGAIN and I sure as hell don’t want to be religiously involved with them either. You a witch? Cool… but I’m not!!! And never was… can I write? What does ME writing have anything to do with you? I remember being crazy talking about 2 weddings but I trust the 2… not the preacher. Bitch you really think you my god? Or that I bow to you? I woke up and realized how dirty my best friends did me and I’m still haunted but like. Dismiss… move the fuck on. I don’t care, I don’t need revenge, I refuse to even box like… I guess they can’t understand the concept that we are nothing alike… cause if someone did that to them what they’d do… look what they did when they didn’t even have a reason… so you can just imagine!

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    I pray every day that my heart never becomes that cold…

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    My heart just says I don’t think it’s Illuminati that trapped my mind soul and body… but idk. Idek what Illuminati is but that family really needs to go… I have other people who are more of a priority if you all would back up and mind your own business. There is NO doubt in my mind that even that was calculated… “you’re so vein you probably think this is all about you”

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    New Year 2022… how do I ignore and dismiss them and get the peace and comfort in my own body and environment that I earned and deserve?

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    I get sick and abused when and after I hear them on my roof

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    Or literally feel like their souls are in my body
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  12. #552
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    They’re glitching me retarded again… like they just won’t let me thru!!!! Who and how and why so strong and what did I do wrong that I deserve it?
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  13. #553
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Like it’s their ghosts running thru me and disrespecting my body and the breathes like I’m a squirm for them now too. Like… I’m just gonna air myself out this way again cause it’s 2022 we gonna solve this

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    Like I don’t really wanna do all that publicly but I realize I started it maybe some how cause like I’m so confused. And if I have babies like they more important so how they get to block me? And nah I don’t want this all disclosed publicly either. Like… they fuck me up any time they feel like it and I’m tired too. Keep a bitch delusional? Yeah that’s humane… or treat her like a blow up doll. If that’s what’s up why are they even still alive let alone right here!

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    Are you helping the wolf? I don’t want to be with a wolf. Especially an abusive one! And I didn’t ask for or want a new religion… ever since I woke up like…

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    I don’t and can’t understand a god being so mean to me yet I can’t seem to climb out of hell…

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    So like… they jump, they hit, then they hit me and I get hit for it? FOH

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    Oh wait and everybody get to be over my body too?!?!!
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  14. #554
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Like I’m literally on the wrong side with the wrong god

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    And they not gonna be my God either… I’m not exploring any other religions right now

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    I sang to it… and I’m pretty sure it sounded like hell still… so I’m just gonna tell all until all this artificial ish backs up off me

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    I believe in God saw that coming… Not my business… I think someone is confused and like they were hitting off my accounts and nah I’m not going to live being forced to share my body with spirits or people that think they own it more than me

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    I’m just trying to break free of a dr that’s abusing me and getting out of a living hell.

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    Hit my throat just now over what?!????
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  15. #555
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: A Disciple's Thread

    Until I feel better again… I hear them on the roof and then I feel sick and abused in my own body again. Why can’t they just go away?
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