A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

Hello
�� fuck them all as I dream in tongues - fuck a trick getting rich and the bitches will come - but my gun and make them all scatter - bullets to my nuts only made my balls fatter - eat a dick bitch - mercy - never that - you say you coming back… bring it on who ever strapped - introduce you to the pleasure and pain - you can go so far - just settle your soul - life as a ghetto star ⭐️ ~ Tupac

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@Candy LMMFAO I always said traffic all the way. My brother and sister are both ex drug addicts in recovery. One day they thought my sister od’d and they dropped her off passed out in the driveway and my dad left for work and almost ran her over. He literally dragged her in the house and up the stairs talking MAD shit… I think he even hit her

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That’s why I was always SO sober until I started smoking weed again when I was like 16 maybe 15

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Why didn’t you take her to court and get the child tested?

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I have to get massages cause I physically hold my stress and it hurts my skin to even touch sometimes. I keep my bra and underwear on but I was kinda upset one guy worked on my butt for like 20 minutes to a half hour like asshole I said my neck and shoulders hurt most. So I switched to this other guy and he did this weird shake all over on my back and an egg dropped. I realized that those weird type internal orgasms that have nothing to do with my vv senses are my eggs dropping. But still I was like Omg I hope he didn’t notice! LOL

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@Candy explain that Catholic thing again I’m confused. I never got stray jacket but I been tied to the bed twice before… once for lighting a cigarette because they wouldn’t let me smoke after the ambulance coming in and once because I kept getting up and asking them if I can go home yet.

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Sleep was ok last night… it’s usually super hard and somehow I end up tearing all my blankets and sheet and even under pad off my bed. My dreams have been ass backwards lately like things I don’t want or things that never happened - the other night I had a dream I said to this guy that has proposed to me at least 3-4 times - and that’s something I would NEVER do. So even my dreams are opposite!

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@Candy write back… I want to hear more about you…

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I got tongues when Hollins was murdered. I called my sister to come get me and thought I told her the entire story - she said I just kept repeating snake, rat, gun over and over. It was the first time I saw the world stand still and slow mo and stuff too

[A Disciple]

"My we all walk the paths that we have chosen..."

Lord, we both know the only reason I came back home
It took many a brethren to rescue me, please let me face it alone if I roam
Just how heavy the stakes were, I'm sure too many didn't realize
Who I became when I left I could hardly recognize
But i started to see it...
I believed what they said and I believed who I was, was wrong
Now that I ran I don't know where it is that I belong
Too scared to be betrayed, yet the betrayal came from me
Can you understand if I never left, I never would have truly seen

WHAT DID I SAY?
It's in my heart stay true

WHAT DID YOU DO?
Became too scared to even talk to you

WHAT HAVE YOU SEEN?
My family go to all lengths to make me see

WHAT DO YOU WANT?
To finish out our plan and live out my destiny

LIKE A MOTHER AND A FATHER YOU WERE TORN BETWEEN THE TWO. IF YOU CAN'T MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL HOW DO YOU EXPECT THEM TO?

I forgive and I love
Because I understand the makings of peace that they dream of
But they call us demons cause we fight for the darkest of knights
And because we disagree with them they withstand our rites
While living with you I was allowed to be real
While living with them I began not to feel
All they did was try to down their brother
Even I was wrong because she didn't choose work over being a mother
He stole my soul the core being of everything I believe in
Even told you to send you away and deny my own gift that was given

THALL SHALL NOT STEAL
But I was so thirsty and no one would help me

THALL SHALL NOT MURDER
But they tried to humiliate me

THALL SHALL NOT TAKE MY NAME IN VEIN, EVERY ENEMY IS A DEMON IN SOMEONE ELSES GAME

Lord I was wrong but through the fog I still knew the difference between the 2
And if you must take my pinky or head by the sword - I honor that too
But please only you...
I am no longer afraid to stand true to who I am
No longer afraid to fight cause I believe in for what we stand
I don't want to take for granted that you will just forgive me
But please try to realize how hard this all was to see

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED (PRIDE)
Vanity isn't wrong if it makes you feel good

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED (ENVY)
Jealousy only inspires as it should

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED (WRATH)
Sometimes we need that fire to motivate us to fight for what's right

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED (SLOTH)
Be compassionate to those who are slower than others

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED (GREED)
Aspire to want plenty so we can share with our brothers

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED (GLUTTONY)
Sometimes it takes going too far to turn us off so we back away

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED (LUST)
What is life itself if not lived passionately

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED
To my own heart stay true

WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED
My life only exists to serve you

((( bye bitches )))

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Nah I never murdered… I almost did though… and learned I would’ve screwed myself and my entire life if I did

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Whether or not you forgive people or not is none of their business any way… you can forgive but not let them do it again. But first… how you forgive someone that’s not even sorry and keeps doing it?

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Vanity not pride… I’m tired of people changing up my shit

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STOP that hurts and that’s my toe nail… why I can’t find “Woodstock on my mind”?

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And those 2 are the only church I wanna talk for real

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Hello from the Other Side (to pac, checking in)
Hello From the Other Side (To Pac)
2Pac - Hello Ft. B.I.G & Adele (Nozzy E Remix) (Prod By Yinon Beatz) - YouTube


(Over Pacs verse)
I don’t know much about twin flames or how I got an angel so great
You seen me thru it all and taught me how to be on time even when late
The debate? That shit got nothing to do with me – they’re all so consumed with hate
But memories of jumping waves in an open sea facing my babies dad still holding this weight
So who or what to say is fate…
I never felt so alive as to when I kicked him in the face on the switch
When you find your fire and finally fight back? Man you can’t fuck with a bitch
(When she starts singing let Pac finish verse)

(Over the first chorus)
Some days I curse my toungues or get mad when I think he thinks we are the wrong ones
But not selfish enough to throw it all in… I still love him to death even when evened in sin
I remember when I almost jumped the bridge that night
A racial pro to get it all done slow and a fire when I fight
I just came in to help and of a wrong make right
I used to laugh like I’m the only one that should do it – just cause I’m white

(Let chorus play… Hello from the other side)

(Over biggie)
Reassuring me thru the worst and the scariest it was you that was there
Chasing me out hotel rooms about to be busted – I can’t believe you truly cared
About me!
I don’t know what the legacy is that your building
My hottest line ever… “not everything that glitters is gold – it’s just gilding (it means gold plated)
I don’t have to run thru the reasons to prove I’m not lying
God will show enough even when falling but still trying
And when I’m crying? I know deep down it is his heart that ache too
And when I’m lost and confused I need to remind myself just turn to you
Why is it so hard to trust him Pac? Even the angel that cast doubt over you too?
(She was forced to kick me out…. Let biggies verse finish)

(Chorus play) x2

(Over biggie)
How you dead but alive at the same time?
Still breathing gives me hope that I too will survive
You think they ready? Are you trying to come back out?
I think I already said too much but crazy gives me a reasonable doubt
No doubt…
And as I run a comb thru my hair I remember La Sirene and the breathes as I stare
Through a time wrinkled and frobid, all in line, toy soldiers march aware until they forbid
Who taught me how to write? One of the best and for that I will fight
Who taught me how to fight? One of the realest and for that I will write
Who taught me about loyalty… well that was all you
I don’t ever want to doubt the angels grace while falling again true
In and out, left and right, side to side and back and forth too
If I had left one more breathe… I’d say get back up this war isn’t thru

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What I hate most… is literally not feeling like myself. Like at least ask first! And then them bitches refusing to let go - I’m not your bitch, a roach, your trash, your cleaner, your closet, or shield… why aren’t we done here?

[A Disciple]

They have me split and mixed… like I would feel him and then they’d say someone I thought was abusing me pac - then even worse saying see I like it and stuff like that. And like them knowing how abused I was and tapping me there… or like even worse when I would try to have sex. Idk if it’s getting better now I barely even try to now.

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But like how so many people got on my body in ways that only god or family should be any way? I thought it was my pire at first and then all hell broke lose!

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Then my ear pop and I feel mad pain or like…

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I find my comfort place and about to fall asleep then they jerk my foot and I wake back up…

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I’m not trying to play guess who especially when I don’t even want a man

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I’m an eye to eye type of bish and like

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And then them bitches who tear me away and divert my family EVERY FUCKING TIME even trying to redirect my prayers and go to the people who hurt me to even begin with like it’s all about them. Or when I say Lord or God I hear the next pervert who had them pics ask for forgiveness.

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I’m just so over it all… and I thought it was finally over. It’s like they heard about us and how we do and took it to another extreme which is WAY different and evie e blacking me out or hypnotizing me or how ever they do it needs to go. And then to teach and tell everyone how to do it too? And I’ve tried EVERYTHING. Hypnotism is illegal now so no drs do it, the one on you tube didn’t work, I’m not a witch but tried spells, binding, went to the witch store and they said I didn’t have to be a witch to send it back but nope didn’t work, I even tried jumping over a broom!!! And EVERYTIME I think it is finally over and safe again - they just do it again… like he proved with them pics and WHY?!??? What did I even do?! How do I get MY body and religion and family back?!?

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They been too strong for too long and they really do need to back out my families way for real… they even deleted xm stations out my car to make sure I don’t ever make it back home

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Why they have that rite?

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This isn’t about a man… it’s about my family so why am I walking around feeling like or hearing theirs?

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And then the beast on my body too?!??? Like oh hell no!!!!! They keep trying to put and point me there or with one of them and it’s always wrong like… stop with the fake and the manipulation for real!!!

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Just divide… why you sitting there with them bitches and not me any way?!?! Why everyone even believe them like my sister said before like nah Melissa didn’t like Ricardo… word?

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Why was she waking me up outside the courthouse to even begin with? We didn’t speak for 3 fucking years and weren’t even friends anymore cause I thought she accidentally od’d me but now I’m thinking it was intentional

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Her waking me up drove me insane and then you all let her again and again? I don’t fucking think so.. can I please see my family and pire without feeling like them

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Why do I have to be sick and like this cause they refuse to leave? Or swear they own and run a bitch? They set up my step father and I’m just so done with the entire situation…

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Ray and Linda in the lobby with the police saying I wrote a suicide note when I didn’t like my life, family, and health everyone’s joke

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I’ll be fine… I’ll be at my gmas all week cause I can’t even be alone now!!! I lost time again last week and like…

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2 sides? All sides? NO they have to go for real…

[A Disciple]

I’m in so much physical pain right now it is unreal

[Candy]

i never got the child tested because i trust her that much and i was just hoping that the person i fell in love with still was the person that left me.. and a break up is hard enough let alone throwing her under the bus like hey im suspicious so you have be tortured at the doctors..

catholics religion are based mostly on sex rather then dreams so what i was saying in your belief say you are more dreams then sex but you dont want to disrespect your belief your in conflict because its still sex based when all you want to do is just dream

[A Disciple]

An old one…

Remember the Fall
I remember sitting on the beach and you were teaching me how to kiss
I remember most of it now, and the ones I actually did, say im the best
I remember our conversation walking along the beach
And I remember, remembering laughing, falling as you reached
I don't know what is left to say
Other then how similar yet off they are to our ways
My dad said it was too late that I need to move on
And I can't because I remember the sand and how it looked when we woke up at dawn

And in half my quirks how I try to stand up again

It's like I have no right for strength after what I put up with from my friends

I forget mostly cause most is I never knew and the side cause that's what you do when you forgive
And even harder when your pen is always the other side (for example) Can I live
Maybe my words are supposed to show them our pain but I think mostly to clarify where we are same
Hail Mary cause I really did go insane
All the things to tell you when you were gone
Or how I've been in VRU like 10x this year at least cause they dead wrong
I been out of work sick again the past few days
She threw another one this morning and I almost got stuck and popped like the one witnessed by Dave
And me and L laughed the other day cause I said I can write me a manual too
Of all the tricks and mind set it takes to conquer their voodoo
The stuck together panic pull - back to back and push apart
Or the hell dragging chains like the world has just ended, tell yourself of all the things still here and be smart
Cause that is where they throw the disable too and you freak when you realize it is almost as true
Please believe me when I say I did nothing wrong, don't let them do this to my babies too
And I hope I'm not wrong when I am so sure I still have an angel in you
Cause they don't humble, they degrade and humiliate me to
I wish I can tell you all the facts and what is lies and what is true
And I guess that's why I just keep writing - because it is exactly what I'm trying to do

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@Candy honestly… I wish I could have sex normal again. Dreams? Like what’s that.. I get like visions or feel the real on body checks. I went back to Catholicism cause my view of Jesus and Mary too strong - besides the fact I had my hospital bracelet on in my confirmation pic. But hardly anything these past 8 years been comfortable. My dreams are even backwards and fucked up - sleeping that is - I realize now I’m certain lyrics there are different types of dreams too… like what’s that? Cause I have a feeling that those are usually my nightmares.

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@Candy did you know that eating shell fish is an abomination in the Bible? I don’t know but I love lobster and shrimp - I don’t think I can do that though… and like everyone knows that Muslims can’t eat pork - like how we don’t even know we can’t eat shell fish though? Weird shit but anyways… how are you tonight (it’s day for you right?)

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I would feel selfish dreaming because I wouldn’t want to change someone’s else’s life for what I want… I mean besides my enemies I wish there was a way we all could get what we want.

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Check

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Just to know the facts and go thru this all alone too… they’re trying to make my family looks so stupid too! And like… idk… maybe I should try to sleep…

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I don’t want to be a victim… I want to be a victory

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My dream… to be able to support myself and pay back my mom writing. And if I have kids to be in their life again and for them to meet their cousins that I’m so proud of… Nico a father of 2… holding it down… my mini me Michaela is a hair dresser… and Teej the marines! Madi on her own away for college with the sweetest heart I don’t ever want to see broken… and Jake with my brother smart as fuck. My gma turn 98 in a few days… I know she will see happy beginnings on the other side probably - I just want to know who lied and told everyone that torture in mental, physical, and sexual ways was or is my dream…

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I told her I wanted a relationship like her and my gpa if I’m a ever be married. so in love that even death doesn’t break them apart. Until death to death brings them back together. But now my gma doesn’t even want to be buried in the same cemetery as him. My mom thinks she’s mad over a pension but I’m not so sure… just… baby steps… lord I can’t begin to heal until you get my enemies up off me!

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And make sure them bitches can’t ever come back or be intertwined with my life ever again…

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I want to write… that’s my dream. And see my seeds if they want to see me!

[Candy]

you can practice on me we can have private or public cyber sex photos n stuff or whatever helps you feel better..

dude yall killing it right the verse about how you learnt to kiss was amazing and the whole shelfish thing i didnt know that i heard they scream under water behind glass by the time you put them in the pot alive but they sure do taste good..

i think your dreams might be at war thats why theyre so contorted but considering the pandemic and the world as how it is atm im not surprised you would actually be more normal by the people for having twisted dreams..

thanks for filling me about your fam and crew it was also dope..

i hope you get some sleep tonight queen

[Soule]

Do either of you actively see a therapist? Or take medication for anything?

[A Disciple]

@Soule obviously I’m on mad meds and in therapy since 13… I am insanity… but don’t come on this thread acting mean please.

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@Candy no way… sex with strangers totally off. I’m creeped out by everyone and everything except my two… they officially shot my vv off and won for real. I’m mad as fuck…

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Bored as fuck… all the time… just want to have fun again and recover. Like too much shit they did… as a woman too? Like… I’m a just shut up.

[Candy]

lmao respect well look after yourself

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Do either of you actively see a therapist? Or take medication for anything?

im a three tier inasnity - so i got three illness's and take three sets of medication for it one i even take double dose

of

[A Disciple]

That sound a lot like em LOL @Candy

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Pyre over EVERYTHING…

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I ain’t been sky since I was pregnant em

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I relapsed tonight again… drunk as fuck right now

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@Candy you up? Cause I’m tired of being alone…

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I Don’t Wanna Know
https://www.bing.com/search?q=i+don%...35bdd2d45215a5

… “I just can’t believe its real… just another night of these thoughts… just can’t get this out of my head”


I didn’t know, at least my mind didn’t, but my heart obviously did
And nah it’s not about us it really is for my unborn kids
I wasn’t hurt, I live in the real world, never held it against you
Always smiled and stayed even until I realized what was true

“I don’t wanna know if you playing me keep it on the low… etc”
(after oh baby)

Just trying to find mine. With a soul from that line – family is everything
Other then my parent’s family, family isn’t ever what my luck or fate bring
And if you can’t understand that then I’d say youre a lie
And yeah I did most things myself, to not be a burden is why

("I don’t wanna know…. Etc")
("If he taught you better then me then why did you fall asleep… etc")

Bounced with the ballers balancing the wealth
It was my weight class, and I did that myself
And when I left him, I realized indispensable became me
I was so sad alone until he came and bust me free
It breathed life back into me and I couldn’t tell if it was that or that
This dream I had last nite keep fucking with me, so I’d say to sit where I sat
It wasn’t just a man, it was the head my head of family
And these bitches taking shots again to say it’s my vanity
Weak was only if ever I was caught up in a spell or too busy to notice
And what pisses me off the most, it was the people I held closest to me that already know this
I guess I thought you get what you give – you don’t
I guess some people prefer I decide if they live – but I won’t

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HELLO FROM THE OTHERSIDE

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I’m drunk as fuck… going to bed

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I’m not letting go until they pry my dead hands from my family

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Marky for real… TIRED AS FUCK

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Nite… I’m a try to sleep

[Soule]

Didn't think my comment was mean, just a simple question.

[Candy]

good night lil lady, when you wake up il be around

[A Disciple]

Thanks @Soule and you’re right… I’m on meds for real.
@Candy I slept ok last night not sure what’s going on for tonight.

[Candy]

sweet sweet

im just watching this


i was thinking of my first girlfriend i lost my Virginity to and the fact our first date was on valentines day and she wore a red skirt and we went to a resturant where i would eat at that my music cteacher would eat at with me and then she became a teacher..