A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

When is my nightmare going to be over?

- - - Updated - - -

The guy I lost virginity to taught me how to kiss… wanted me to wait but I came up to him in the pool I said I was ready. Fettuccini Alfredo my go to and always but he told my to try manicot so I did. We met every night in the lobby of the hotel at 7pm. I already gave it to him but we was crazy and had sex every where… pool, second floor couches, ocean, beach… you name it. My brother even caught me giving him bday head and threw me in the pool with my clothes on. I lied to him about my age and got pregnant I’m pretty sure and when I told him the truth about my age then I think he hated me for it. Maybe he still does cause I can’t seem to get out of a hell beyond comprehension. Good thing I don’t own a gun cause I’d pull it on myself before I ever sit there and allow our enemies to turn me into some blow up doll. I’m just tired as fuck… and there is nothing on this earth that can ever make any of this ok. I go to sleep praying for death a lot. @Candy

- - - Updated - - -

I remember almost the entire week but only split seconds and not sures after that…

- - - Updated - - -

Waking up alone when yours didn’t want you to wake up to begin with a bitch… I’m so mad I fought so hard to live cause death was fine and better than any of this.

- - - Updated - - -

I’m about to go to sleep… dead up begging my dad to take me home too. And that’s not just for attention just hell and life and hell on earth gets worse and worse and every time I’m forced to kiss my own hands I’m reminded they just take and demand my body like it’s not even mine like it’s theirs and not mine. And dead up after being gang raped in the city I lost my virginity in too?!!!!! My bra clip was undone the other day and like every day they remind me they do anything they want to me and nobody is going to help me or make them stop.

- - - Updated - - -

The only way they could’ve gotten in is if I opened the door for them… how would you feel?

- - - Updated - - -

I’m gonna try to sleep… the video too loud to watch right now. And I know that makes no sense to you. I tried to watch Luther today and couldn’t too… yo id give anything to just get myself and my body back again.

- - - Updated - - -

I wish I just died when they snot me because it’s been a hell beyond comprehension ever since!!! Do you understand how long 8 years of being tortured and bitched in your own body is? … because I won’t let go! I’m not even gonna let go so maybe you got that mercy for death before dishonor cause like… nothing on this earth will ever make life ok again.

- - - Updated - - -

Especially if I can’t even have my own body or choice of religion now too!!!!

- - - Updated - - -

My bra was unclipped just the other day.. they’re not ever going to stop torturing me!!!!

- - - Updated - - -

They won’t stop making me kiss my own hands and I don’t know how to die

- - - Updated - - -

Kill then or kill me - I don’t deserve torture

- - - Updated - - -

Kill them or kill me*

[Candy]

praying death is ok its the follow through you knows what i mean so if your actions are pure then you can pray for anything

[A Disciple]

For real… @Candy … pretty much LOL

What’s up with guy? What time is it over there? You see the Tupac video to hello? There’s like several versions I like and pics I dead up relate exactly too on one of them… you they even have a pic of Australia too?!?? Let me see if I can find it…

- - - Updated - - -

I think this is the one… like so many things I relate to like practically every scene down to asking me for a cig under the e 125th station and always… like if pacs spirit is around he always ask me for a cigarette so I know I’m ok..



Down to my dads bike and all… when my dad died there was a sign in his room all about you… I know he was with the angels there for me then too!

- - - Updated - - -

When I get to heaven I’m a tackle pac and give him the BIGGEST hug!!! I grew up in Baldwin NY and when my head burned off i was running down the street called Baldwin like everything. You saw his better off alone video? A white girl sitting on the beach… that was me too when they hurt me in my Bourne city (where I lost my virginity)

- - - Updated - - -

He was yelling at me trying to wake me up but I just didn’t get it…

- - - Updated - - -

I was a ballerina until I got pregnant… I even got into the centre… but that’s when I started to get in trouble and got locked up and even though I practiced every day in in patient I fell too behind. I remember I went to do a parawet and tripped so I took off my toe shoes and gave them to my room mate and said I don’t need them anymore.

- - - Updated - - -

My favorite church in Waterbury too… I even took a pic of it years prior. But you they redesigned it now completely… that shit freaked me out. It’s hard to freak me out these days but it did!

- - - Updated - - -

I was born in 78 and used to wear my bandana like that cause the back of my head was shaved and I’d wear it like that when I wanted to wear my hair up and cover it

- - - Updated - - -

I was always confused how I got a guardian Angel as great as Tupac but I think that’s because who I lost my virginity too. The song still down is us… I met my baby dad (the guy I lost my virginity too) in myrtle beach the week of July 4th

- - - Updated - - -

Until the hands of time is me and my ex ced… he even had a Tupac quite tatted on his arm but he had it removed and I don’t know why. We don’t speak at all anymore - he wasn’t there for me to answer my questions either - nobody was… but my friend Nancy… I just showed her the pic of me pregnant where you can see my belly and we both was like I know I wasn’t just tripping. But I don’t know what happened at all or why I didn’t remember or what even happened to my daughter or maybe it was twins… it all stops at when I decided on her name - jicera and my sister wanted Ashely Corrine and was upset.

- - - Updated - - -

Hail Mary? The acs was white not black and one of them there was my moms I had the night Hollins got murdered and stuff…

- - - Updated - - -

And I do… I love kids cause they the realest… the haven’t learned how to be fake yet and just call it as they see it. But now that everybody throwing shit like nah - I don’t even wanna be around them half the time. My bday wish every year since I was 15 was to have a baby… it never came true but it’s ok cause I had my sisters kids to watch grow… now Nico even has his own kids and like time seems to be on super speed these days… I can’t believe it’s been 8 years since I woke and remembered…

- - - Updated - - -

I’m still crying over my dad… my mom used to hate me when I was a teenager and he was the only one that got me and understood me and I just feel so alone right now… you know?

- - - Updated - - -

I got to go vote for these leagues I joined… idky I hate voting I just feel as a novice and most them better then me like who am I to give advice… but I’ll go do it

[Candy]

i love your new pic

yeh my dad died at an early age so i feel yah

[A Disciple]

Did you watch the video? That’s Australia right?? And thank you for pic comment.

- - - Updated - - -

I like your pic too… that pink sweatshirt is nice! @Candy

[A Disciple]

Did you watch the video? @Candy I swore I commented before about liking your pic and pink sweatshirt but I must not have it send cause I don’t see it now.

Speaking of pink… I had a pink and black bikini and lime green one piece when I lost my virginity too.

- - - Updated - - -

There it goes… I swear I be tripping sometimes. Almost like their is a god fucking with my head. My god wouldn’t do that to me and try to make me mentally insane on purpose. They just mad my bd and family keep me sane despite… if it don’t work it don’t work homie and I pray you learn to leave me and my body and my health and my privacy and my reputation etc etc etc ALONE

- - - Updated - - -
@Candy do you drink?

Idk about their religion but in mine we drink wine in church - not grape juice!

- - - Updated - - -

And yes… I did have the feeling that Jesus was one of us too!

- - - Updated - - -

They say that Jesus doesn’t have a book in the Bible - it’s all his disciples or apostles or who ever they are. I pray the next Bible come out and his book we finally see. But I don’t know too much about religion and hardly an authority. Now that I’m too old and crazy for kids I’m not sure I’m going back to church unless my family come back too! I’m just kinda glad I didn’t have a baby with someone else cause I wouldn’t want my daughter feeling replaced and my bd deserve the respect of not having to deal with another bd in my life… that’s weird… my send button won’t work

Shut the fuck up, mind your own business, family, and religion… and go to jail you stupid young dumb as bitch!

[A Disciple]

They won’t stop pinning me etc… they refuse to leave my body alone. Only my bd or pac would have my permission and they’re so arrogant refusing to stop and leave me alone that it makes me fucking sick!!!!

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t want some stalking ass creeper that doesn’t even comprehend two letters… N O … sick twisted freak!!! How did he get on my body in the name of my god or creed to even begin with? Why won’t you help me and make them leave me and my body alone?

- - - Updated - - -

I won’t tolerate, accept, or forgive abuse

- - - Updated - - -

They have tortured me… mentally, sexually, AND physically and I’m TAF

- - - Updated - - -

I don’t know who advising what but my biggest prayer is it’s resolved as soon as possible and I can get peace and comfort in my own body and mind again

- - - Updated - - -

Bored as fuck… I have 3 friends… it feel like everyone hate me here too. I am sick as fuck mentally that my body reacts to physically… I’m broke I have no money.. I probably owe my mom $500k and nobody will even tell me or help me to understand what the fuck is even going on!

- - - Updated - - -

I made my confirmation pregnant OF COURSE I’m triangle… but guys - I think we on the wrong side of the book right now is my point. Even the wrong church…

- - - Updated - - -

Just wanna be free… wanna be me

- - - Updated - - -

Wanna see my family and seal mine too…

- - - Updated - - -

I was 14… and nah I’m not in the position to talk or go religion at all… I can just say nobody is changing my religion or opinion at all. IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, and THE HOLY SPIRIT. Not some maggot perve sex offender that somehow slept me, got my free will and took perverted pictures… I believe worse in my heart because he is a sex offender. Why everyone talking to me under hypno when I’m not even awake or how it seem like everybody got that rite over me too… like… it’s a REAL problem. I swear you don’t wanna put me on that cross…

- - - Updated - - -

But my old friends really do need to understand that my life has nothing to do with them anymore either!!!!

- - - Updated - - -

EVERYONE on this earth is sacred in my opinion and I treated everyone as such too… the demand to go sacraligist is sick as fuck and I’m tired and mad as all hell for real

- - - Updated - - -

When is my nightmare over? When do they have to leave me alone and stop blocking my family?

- - - Updated - - -

He won’t get off my fucking body and I don’t know how to make him. Please help me!

[A Disciple]

Can someone please get the young dumb ass bitch who thinks she owns me off me and my body and out my families. Now I know why she was laughing and told me I need a tin hat. The disrespect is beyond comprehension and I really am just wondering what they are even still doing here..

- - - Updated - - -

As my eye twitching again… I’m firing to drop EVERYBODY for real

- - - Updated - - -

Get off my body stalker

- - - Updated - - -

As a matter of fact… let’s go… put me on that cross

[Candy]

i think its africa because of the lions

- - - Updated - - -

happy bday

yeh i drink mascarto two bottles bout to open one
and i got jager
and kracken rum

[A Disciple]

You are not my Man my family or my god… who are you and why do you feel I need to listen to you? Why do you think you are better then me to abuse me and tell me what you want me to do?

[Candy]

oh i also got half a bottle of petrone i forget about i saw in the fridge when i went to get the wine

[A Disciple]

I had a dream once that 5 lynx jumped me once and as soon as I get one off the other jumped on…
@Candy it’s not my birthday - my birthday is in April

I like Yager and Red Bull

I’m glad you answered cause I’m so mad right now I could go off for 8 hours

- - - Updated - - -

I’m drinking a wine cooler calypso colado… my eyes are gong so quick so fast that I could hardly just read the label

- - - Updated - - -

I’m stuck in a mother fucker nightmare beyond coMprehension and they won’t get out of me and let me get back to my family. It’s not my religion or culture and they are abusing and degrading me daily

[Candy]

jager bombd redbull like you
no prob i like talking to you
im just listening to dzk



i paid him for a verse on my first album

i show the clip music video i did for it its so haggard and fitting abc asked for it when they listed me in all australia databases as a hip hop artist
but never used it because its not an original source video then i was asked to make another one for my mixtape.. so yeh i just kept making the music videos like fan dubs hehe
https://streamable.com/le1zkb

[A Disciple]

Is this your train a bitch hour you fucking faggot!!! Stop popping my and get off my body… I swear to god I can’t wait to spit in your motherfucking face and send you to hell where you belong

- - - Updated - - -

I rather be DEAD then to be with someone like you. You bitch ass coward!!!

- - - Updated - - -

So the fucking faggot pops my ear again

- - - Updated - - -

You are just as dead as any body who raped me I SWEAR

- - - Updated - - -

It’s my body and I’m really kinda confused how you think it is yours

- - - Updated - - -

You ever gonna come out the dark and stop hiding you female bitch

- - - Updated - - -

My phone just stopped the song and went to black screen… like nah don’t tell me someone sat there and watched it all when I was begging and crying and begging for help to make them stop for real.

- - - Updated - - -
@Candy I loved the song… the beat was hot as hell too

[Candy]

thanks