A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

Send me another song…

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Everybody hates me, nobody understands… being forced to share my body with their spirits that make me sick and swears it’s there. The torture because I refuse to let go of my family… while everyone watches and doesn’t do shit. They refuse to leave me alone and stop forcing me to kiss my own hands and nah it’s too late… they can never come back again cause all they do is torture me and knock me back down especially when I’m standing back up and getting back to life. THIS SHIT A MOTHERFUCKING NIGHTMARE AND THEYRE TELLING EVERYBODY ITS MY DREAMS AND MY OWN DEMONS… like how? HOW especially if everyone was watching to begin with?!?

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When I’m sad… and when I’m tortured… maybe when they stop I will too as I just typed so to myself and musk. Like this petty shit so stupid but they doing real shit on top of it.

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Having anything to do with my old friends is out of the question I refuse and will take that promise to death for real as I just typed will yo myself. Will? I don’t have a mother fucking dime or home or possession to will let alone people besides my family. I HAVE NOTHING!!!!! But yeah this my dream… how many people are that stupid to really believe that for real? You’re supposed to get what you give so like for real… wtf is going on Lord?

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https://www34.online-convert.com/dl/...EBC5768BF.webp

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Stop fucking with my head!!!!! Needle MOTHER FUCKER

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As my phone just flashed like lightening 25 fucking times… does my family know?

[Candy]

heres some of my songs

https://soundcloud.com/aaron-batty-951093780

[A Disciple]

Cause I don’t think you realize what they’ve done to me these past 8 years…

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That phone thing just made me so mad I can’t hear any noise right now… I’ll listen tomorrow @Candy thanks for trying to help…

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Nah I can’t understand just sitting there watching and not helping or making them stop. You see an Innocent person being abused or passed around and you MAKE THEM STOP… ESPECIALLY if you’re law!!!

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Fucking with someone’s head that is mentally I’ll to begin with is cruel and unusual torture

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Why you want me retarded?

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Don’t let them bitches do this to you… who are they that you would even risk a needle in your arm for, for real? Who lying? Why don’t you audit them for once and see for yourself for real. NOW STEP THE FUCK OUT OF MY FAMILIES WAY!!!

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I’ve been sick as hell ever since Kevin came back around

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YEARS AND YEARS AGO…

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I don’t care what sick and miraculous things you can do to my body either… get the fuck away from me unless your pac or my bd

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You can’t sit there and demand to change my religion or torture me

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Because my god wouldn’t abuse, hurt, or torture me

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Stop trying to demand you’re my god… you sick twisted freak

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Well what’s the moral of the story so our families can finally split?

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I know… and I’m ok… I’m just more mad this maggot won’t stop popping my ear or why them bitches circling me

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I’m not dating… any stranger could be the sick stalker and HELL NO

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I can’t even hardly have sex from all the abuse any way

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They laughin and being sarcastic and saying they’re scared now

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Sorry baby girl but you get your bd to shoot people in the United States of America… you go to jail! You should be scared now…

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I’m not surprised your mama and your cousin/aunt put all that on you but this is life

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So you go deal with YOUR family and I’ll go deal with mine

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I’m just trying to get back to my dreams and my family and they always in the way

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I don’t want strangers on my body in the name of my god either

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Why are you sitting there and watching and fucking with my head but won’t tell me what’s going on?

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I don’t want strangers on my body… how many times do I have to say that too. GET THE FUCK UP OFF ME!!!

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They abused the hell out of me and I’m done… I’m so done with all of this

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They won’t stop waving my hand like they can tell me and demand what I do

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I don’t fucking think so

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I will do what ever it takes to get your creeper sick twisted and abusive freak off my body… even if that means 18 years in jail. Now please stop popping my ear and abusing me. Please stop stalking me too… you’re not even my creed.

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Get your circles fucking away from me too…

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It’s not my culture, it’s not my religion… and I refuse to live being forced to share my body with them

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I’ll try to sleep now

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You’re not my god and you never will be again please leave me and my body alone

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How many times have I asked nicely now?

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Poking my eyes with pins isn’t going to change my mind either

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You sick twisted abusive fuck

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Hitting my throat isn’t going to change my mind either

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Please stop popping my ear

[A Disciple]

KO’d in leagues again… I’m a get a medal one day smh

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Makes me wish I didn’t pass out of English in high school and college… I’m so naive when it comes to the dynamics

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Maybe I’ll take a class at the tech college by me… maybe that will help

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Dissability denied me for like the 7th time and I wish so bad I can find a lawyer to sue the shit out of them… people get it for way less ESPECIALLY when my dr even telling them I can’t work too!!!

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That’s my day… Carey on (salute)

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3 Shots to the VV

You know the old song “Listen to your Heart”
It came on the radio right before I dropped off my ex and I sang my favorite part
He asked me to give his friend a ride around the corner
I remember exactly how he look as I still try to warn her
He said he was going to see his mom at work
He seemed friendly, I wasn’t put off guard by the young ass jerk
We pulled in and there were no cars in the office parking lot
I asked him if he was sure she was working or not
He got out, then a second later I was in Norwalk it was all grey and I heard 3 muffled bangs
Speed of sound – 6 months later I realized it was 3 shots - now here the rest of the shit that all the money brings…
I thought the car ran out of gas so I left it in the middle of the road and walked home
Stuck in that apartment where for weeks my soul would roam
But this where it hurts…
A few nights prior when I was getting dressed an angel told me it would be my funeral
But even to this day I still have no regrets
I mean how do I explain this coherently when I only get split seconds or a fear in me
The 2 seconds I got there from that night…
Second One – of the meal he prepared when I was sleeping as he woke me up to take a bite
Second Two – waking up and grabbing his hand as I said finally – something I can feel that wasn’t fake or phony just peace and comfort thru all of me
When I woke up the next morning I didn’t remember the night before
I wondered why both packs of cigs were open as I was humming out the door
(My father always pointed out how I would hum and sing – that’s when he knew I was content and happy)
So out my door to the lobby but there was my ex with his mom – with the police too
Lying saying I wrote a suicide note - convenient and repetitive at least
But they dragged me to mental and there wasn’t nothing I can do
I woke up so retarded in mental I couldn’t even figure out how to dial the phone
I wasn’t even sick this time and I’m so tired of getting hit legally and alone
You stupid dumb ass bitch, I’m pretty sure the shooter was your baby daddy
Someone I treated like family trying to put me in that black caddy?
My ex picked me up from the hospital and we barely spoke a word home
Day 1 maybe it was day 2 before they tried to send my soul to roam
So like here comes the 3 bangs again and all these scenes are switching
And I’m in my apartment as my ex came home wishing – WITH HIS DAUGHTER
Now I’m not the one to take likely to slaughter but you set me up while your kid is there?
And I’m not too scared to write this – cause I am that crazy bitch at the end of the song “Beware”
Just scenes constantly changing – that’s what death was like and strange colors
Realizing you can see them but only a few see you and others
I stood prisoner in that apartment as ghost watching my ex say his prayer
“I don’t really like Mary but…” and all I could do was just look at him and stare
Death was fine… but I still have lots to do… I came back to fix my family
I assume as a result of some of you
And like… I came home from the hospital 5 weeks later on Nov 4
But when my step dad put the mattress over the window to move me out I freaked out, stole my moms car, called the police and told them I was driving north
There they met me… in Wilton I think
I went back in so you see there is no way in hell I could’ve posted that
Close enough to know I was out but too far to hear the call back to combat
Like forrest… “that’s all I really have to say about that”
Jumped on the site looking so insane and stupid – searching for survivors to show me the ropes not some dumb ass cupid
There’s so much more to it, but I only get 50 lines
In the ambulance, the cop said I fell out the car saying Me? Shoe?
So I had to rethink that… at least 50 times

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My latest lost… but it describes it how I saw it… and nah I still don’t know what happened other than that

[A Disciple]

Listen to your Heart


YouTube Video:
Click here to view on youtube

It's like you know the key in the end
And your grin
Seals it in
With your smile
So when it begin
In sin
After all the truth within
Cause it's been a while
Look at me
Let me see your eyes
Your disguise you think is so free
What's really got me caught up
In all this switching shit… you know the touch is so me

HOOK

So tell me hero
What's the superstar shit have to do with me
Why your disguise don't quench my alibi for the darkness I love to see
Or when your coaching me
It's cute, it's strong, it's sexy
But so they say that's your game
Then dang
Bang - game tight
It still ain't right tho
You have my heart and you know it
On my knees
Begging you please
Don't make me show it

HOOK

Ain't got shit to do with dough
I hear you like a bug thrown up in my ear
But this torture done lasted for years
Not an annual year to year
Done with a smile, nod, as they cheer
But this, just to remind me of my fears
But I'm no longer scared to face him either (just did)
I made them a believer

So, what do I do?
Tick tock is ticking on the IOU and You? Betray Me?
Couldn't be!
I'm scared tho… would you?
Can I still trust you?
Like knights in shining bright armor be true?

HOOK

And this is all the shit I was going through
Trying to get to know you
The worst of you
Not the image you portrayed
Being another type chick… would I of stayed?
Obviously not…


HOOK

The most guarded so how am I the victim
My heart in your hands not even getting the attention
Not like I ever needed it before
But that's my score
Did I forget to mention
I'd lay down and die too in 2.2
No matter which disguise they can't hide their lies
I don't need to even see their eyes know no mo'
I know your true
Cause my soulmate told Im kinda like yours too
But what does it mean?
This was the last song I heard before the omega screamed
For once… I actually need the help back
But I don't get it
That still don’t' mean I regret it
Or am gonna let it
Or that I'm even gonna set it
Your heart beats too
So maybe you tell me, what's yours telling you?

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About last night… and nah I know it wasn’t him LOL

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About last night though… it fucked me up when I saw it

[A Disciple]

@Candy sorry about my crazy rant again but you saying something helped… thank you… and I listened to your songs last nite riding in my car and you are seriously good. What’s the one talking about Illuminati called again? I wanted to listen cause I hear the word all the time but still don’t know what it is LOL

[Candy]

lol thanks

joint custody is the song that mentions the illuminati

[A Disciple]

LMFAO… I was 14 I get it but it still makes me sad

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Just realized why I couldn’t figure out how to dial the phone when they lied and put me in mental the next day

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You better not let them put me in mental again and if I have to I want my mom or duff there with me the entire time!!!!!!

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Is cruel and unusual torture even a charge according to law? Negligent homicide is…

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My father is dead… and like

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AND I made sure to take donor off my license cause they not getting my body or brain now too and somehow it’s been put back on… so like homie - we all above the law in some ways… your body will NEVER be found if you don’t leave me and my family alone and nobody gonna care about that or what we do to you either

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And Hannibal Lectur was a psychiatrist too!!!! The government need to regulate you all cause YOU ALL off the fucking hook

[A Disciple]

The babies crying… when I went to church for lent cause it was taking too long to get back and I felt bad the babies all started at crying at the same time and I laughed

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I had the same exact color on as the robes and never wear that color too… so you can totally see why I’m surprised this and feeling not like myself or disrespected by a god for no reason. Like I need and need to talk to my god and religion first like why does it feel like my god is acting like a bitch and letting them

[A Disciple]

YouTube Video:
Click here to view on youtube

I was chilling in the crib one day
When 5 birds came and chased me away
I guess in a way, you can say
A lil birdy told me
That he was about to scold me
What I do? I was just keeping it real
Is it cause I realized in utter famine and thirst one will steal?
My neighbor couldn’t even give me a free glass of water
And of all that brought to me this new world order
A world that opened up and turned on me
Fuck what they in to, I wasn’t even trying to see
Ran out the door and was knocked down the stairs
Trying to keep cool on the block ignoring their stares
Then hell opened up and it turned into an inferno
Felt the heat penetrate my skin
To the point of desinigration
Turned the corner saw kids playing in the yard
So I gave up and said fuck it for them I am scarred
No sense of watching an innocent suffer, not given a chance
So look this white girl in the face and tell me it’s my last dance
Felt the smack, from my own father, an attack
And now, I am not even trying to make up for where I lack
Instead I turned around and said ok
If this is the way you wanna play
Instinct took over, I hardly had to think
I stared hard at the bitch recording me as I sipped my drink
Number one… thall shall not murder? … Ok
You really wanna play?
Off to the mall and around the block
I chose my weapon – hardly a glock
Drove to the scene
Yet somehow my heart still found a way to intervene
Eye to eye I fear no man
But what was said was so real, I began to understand
Looking back, all my memories flashed before me
Like that time dude slipped me a micky
It didn’t click until coming out of surgery that day
That when I woke I didn’t realized I was touched as I lay
Once a victim, the pattern is constant, I can name 3
3 motherfucking times I begged a motherfucker not to penetrate me
Trying hard to convince my body not to lock, it just makes it hurt more
So off to that other world my mind started to soar
I continued to look back on my life, my footprints in the sand
When I see my own I was carried? Now that shit I can’t fucking stand
Friends that I’d give my life for turned their backs and closed their doors
Laughing at the demons who picked me back up yet forgetting all yours
Shit got ill penning in my notebook
Codes that were written left me visibly shook
Abandoned by almost every one
I lived for nothing and then I was done

I was propositioned, I saw it my only way out
At this point I was a suicidal bitch without a doubt
Eventually, I learned how to deal with the real
My heart beats heavy some nights, just to remind me I still feel
I don’t know why I forgave my father yet again
But just when I was out, I heard the slaves cry --- so I jumped back in
Leave those who saved me?
Never, then what example or lesson would I be?
Now you wanna trick me?
Give orders out just to be a dick B?
My own brethren turn around and beat me?
All because this bitch wanna defeat me?
I tried to tell myself the humilitation of it all made me a better person
But feeling so fake and so weak, and still to get fucked over, that’s when it hurts then
But don’t they know… the reaper my best friend
I cloak up and ride just to make the offer with him
I ain’t afraid to lose my head to the sword
He even send me reminders, felt the roll, and what redemption my reward?

So I studied, stayed real, and conversated with ghosts and the best of them
Traced like over 1000 confessions, them begging me to justify them
I see it --- I see almost every angle
You no longer have me nor have that carrot to dangle
Pac said a flower grows in the concrete and showed me a pic
I even heard one grow in a dark room in a lyric by Kendrick
We never run in the city we come from
But I refuse to let these weak ass motherfuckers make me look dumb
Do you know my drills?
You think I let go just for the thrills?
I let go to remind them, any day, any time
And that isn’t just over my God given talent to rhyme
You can’t judge me for looking back to the times when I was most happy
Why would I betray the brotherhood that spawned me?
I want my position back
I think I’ve earned where I lack
Don’t get me wrong… I don’t have an ounce of hate in my heart
But don’t you dare question when, where, how, or why I called this war to start

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I refuse to give my body away like this… they have no right and it’s mad disrespectful

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They can’t force or demand MY RITE

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We gonna fight on this forever so what’s up… final decision… cut and go I just refuse

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AND THEN FORCE ME TO SIT IN HELL WITH THEM?

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Collide I get it… this airing out 1000 personalities like a live improv bish it’s never been a good zone for me. Like do you really believe that they think they are and are trying to demand to be more important?

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It’s the opera mother fucker that makes me this sick

[A Disciple]

Flowers for the Dead
YouTube Video:
Click here to view on youtube


Marlin,
You were the first to notice me when I was new to the school
I used to stayed sober plucking blunts out your mouth but still we were cool
Up all night on the phone… now I’m all alone… running thru all these memories
When I first saw your nephew I almost dropped to my knees
It was like he was you and your soul was reborn
You always treated me like a rose well aware of the thorn
I remember riding listening to instrumentals while you all would flow
I used to be so amazed at how you did that and I want you to know
Sometimes I wonder if that’s why I started throwing heat to these barrs
Learning how to heal the emotional scars
When I heard you was dead I didn’t know how to feel… I couldn’t deal
I regret not making services but at work down south it was just too unreal
In every lesson you taught me I still remember to weigh all the cost
Hubby showed me where you’re grave is but still I always get lost
(Maybe reminding me you right here)

Derrick,
Sometimes it’s like games rise using our allies
And you realize…
When playing spades… you can up your books if one suit is low
I still don’t know if Ced even know…
Now these days your gone but I still remember you
Cause you were the first one to show me how to do it too
My legs on your shoulders as my heart learned to grow colder
When you went deep it felt like you was opening chambers
And when I was hanging with you it was like I forgot what his name was
You probably thought I was so dumb when we moved in together
And you were right… we couldn’t even “use umbrellas to get thru that weather”
No one ever knew I used to think of baby names when I thought of you
Your name will always be etched in my heart
I still laugh… who knew “we’d be trouble right from the start”

Chris,
I’m so grateful I was always up against a ghost
Cause doing my best always taught me the most
I still feel so guilty it was you instead of me
But if I make it with this writing thing, I got your daughter, Corey, and your family
Late night, early mornings, ghost riding that Ac
You taught me how to curb my temper but I still can’t think before I act
I know it was you keeping me awake in that empty office parking lot
Fell out the car saying: Me? Shoe? But Cinderella just don’t want that spot
Now I’m here today and I still can’t make sense of what went wrong
Just an ache in my heart, a slice thru my soul, and another year that you’re gone

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For My Unborn Child 2
I pray you never know the loss of a friend
Or the ones that are fake and just pretend
I pray you a heart to stick up for what is right
Even if that means an ass whooping in that fight
Never be afraid of a whisper in the night
Cause maybe that is God showing you the light
Fuck what the books written by man tells you
Would you be mad if a few religions I bestow you
Or just keep it catholic cause though I don’t agree
I can’t deny he’s always been there for me
And let me tell you now…
I want so bad for you too, to feel what its like when the angels carry you
But to put you in danger, do I have the courage to do?
I want you never to be scared if and when you look deep into his eyes
Cause people like us, sometimes we just recognize
And if you feel lost, just know these words are right here
No matter, what, no matter what, never you fear
Persevere
Sometimes life isn’t always what is seems
Never let them tell you, you can’t follow your dreams
You pick him out
He’s got to be real and he has to be strong
And he has to be able to admit when he’s wrong
Mommy is a little more than innocent
So he has to understand that when you are in bed some nights I wanna get bent
Family… that is one thing that is sooo important to me
And if possible, can I be the only babies mommy?
If not cool, because I know just what not to do by watching mine
In fact, mammy is a great role model too, she’ll show you the shine
I hope you have fun each and every day
Fuck those mother fuckers that say there is no time for play.
If I don’t ask, then please, please don’t tell
But you can always run to me if life feels like its got you under that spell
And if I ignore some shit, don’t act like that means that I don’t know
I hope we never but heads and to the realness we have to show
God I pray you are not a brat
I pray I always see the real you so I can change that
I hope your Daddy is such a man that is something for which you aspire to be
And he is just as dedicated to you, as I am, to our family.

And you don’t have to cry wolf
He’s here, he’s near you
This why I want you to know they should fear you
Revere you

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I can’t stand the asshole freak who keeps making me kiss my hands!!!!

[A Disciple]

I don’t know whose touching and tapping me and only my bd or p or family is allowed to and like…

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Getting really frustrated… only thing I’m concerned about is my creed, if I have kids, my bd, pac, and writing. All this abusive stuff has to stop for real especially from people hiding in the dark and I don’t know who and who can be ANYBODY at that. You have the wrong bitch for real…

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Pac said it best… you either ride or collide and sometimes I’m cool when I’m drviing and kiss my shoulder and other times I kiss my hands and it irritates the hell out of me. We either get along or we don’t and these days I’m demanding minimums and basics… PEACE AND COMFORT IN MY OWN BODY

[A Disciple]

I hear her say she’s scared then the family jumps me and I feel like them more than I even do myself or hear them when I think and I’m not the one scaring the bitch to even begin with!! I don’t even know how to. She’s scaring herself - it has nothing to do with me… and if she wasn’t stalking me to even begin with I’m sure they’d all be fine!

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They were deleting stations out of my truck, tying me down, waking me up… being involved and knowing more about my life or family than even me. Making sure I never would know and nah… nobody wanna talk… nobody wanna say shit… nobody wants to resolve it and IM the one that suffers as a result of that and I’m tired!

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I can’t do what 10 different people want me to especially when they won’t even tell me what they want. This one wanna manipulate this way that one wanna be a pervert creeper without even a reason I gave him when he knew no way no how… then this one here threatening retarded if I don’t listen or that one there. TIRED AS FUCK!!!!

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A little too strong… demanding a little too much… especially for wolves to even begin with!!!! They like 10 years gone so help them be gone so I can proceed with MY life and family… not theirs!!!!

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I didn’t do shit to not one of them bitches to even begin with… you got to close to a pot that was cooking and if you’re burned YOU BURNED YOURSELF… you’re not going to demand my hand and burn mine too!! THATS what it feels like…

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I just want them gone… get them all the fuck away from me please!!!! Then I have this one tugging that one tapping and NO I’m not entertaining any of them or that either!!!!

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MY LIFE HAS BEEN STRAIGHT HELL EVER SINCE DESPITE HOW WELL I PLAYED MY HAND BUT IM NOT GOING TO SIT HERE AND GET MY ASS KICKED ANYMORE BECAUSE I REFUSE TO LET GO OF MY FAMILY

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Wow something actually came out when I just threw up AGAIN!!!!! Like… my god or family wouldn’t abuse my body and health

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They don’t have the credit or stripes to sit there and demand I be them or get them thru… I wouldn’t help not one of you bitches either - that doesn’t mean I’m a hurt you either. MOVE ON TOO!!!! I know you sitting right there with them and I really can’t understand that either other than they played and manipulated you too!

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I don’t want to play their way on their side… I make my own decisions ESPECIALLY when it comes to my god too… I BEEN RUN THRU STRAIGHT HELL SINCE I WOKE UP AND ANYTIME I CAME CLOSE TO THE RIGHT WAY CAUSE THEY ALL RIGHT THERE DEMANDING THEIRS

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Fucking SPEAK… SPIT IT OUT… what’s the conclusion everyone trying to get to. Cause no way in hell I’m a be with a senior citizen… no way I’m living sick and confused… no way I’m getting married… you can’t sit there and tell me and demand what I want when I don’t!!!! I want to make money and write. I want my family safe and private. I want to go to the other side of my life because despite all I was ALMOST ALWAYS dying inside. Now I know why… like some fucking joke or game too… pin to my shoulder and nah I’m not playing games with some creeper stranger that I don’t even fucking know who in the dark either. Using that shit to abuse me too. I can’t respect nothing but eye to eye and you refuse to respect me or respect that too

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I’ve been me and lived in my own skin my entire fucking life… you not going to tell me this is us now that I’m awake.

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You’re not going to force me to live your low level tied down bitch and not even let me protect myself!!!! Evie E has to go… all this hypno shit like nah… you’re artificial… you fucked up… and now you have to leave and can never come back too!

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Stop spelling thru my body like I’m you’re Sheild too

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And when they get off me maybe I can be and act normal but until then this is it

[A Disciple]

And when they get off me maybe I can be and act normal but until then this is it. Please stop tapping and touching me idk who you are and it’s uncomfortable

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My life is NOTHING… sitting in this house all night and day long just spinning the same things and questions in my head. It’s hell beyond belief! But a HELL OF A LOT BETTER than the first 4 years!

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My room is disgusting again… idky I’m having such a hard time even keeping it clean again! And on that? My god know when… and some creeper punk that got on my body somehow not going to act like my god and try to tell me what I do or don’t do either. Not my god, not my family, not my problem, and not gonna happen!

[A Disciple]

My room is disgusting again… idky I’m having such a hard time even keeping it clean again! And on that? My god know when… and some creeper punk that got on my body somehow not going to act like my god and try to tell me what I do or don’t do either. Not my god, not my family, not my problem, and not gonna happen!

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He’s hurting me please make him stop