A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

I wouldn’t suffer for not one mother fucker on this earth… no disrespect to Jesus but

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I can’t wait until I die… I can’t wait until the torture and trying to bitch me stops… I can’t wait until they can’t force me to share my body with them and force me to kiss my hands stop… I can’t wait to have a peace free orgasm again… I can’t fucking wait to get peace and comfort in my own body again

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And it’s all in my head? It’s me doing this to me?

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How shit just come out your vv and but though? That’s god? God is doing that to me? For what?

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Came home and my step dad was walking out my room… I don’t even fucking care I really don’t - they not gonna start static over there again either

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It makes me so mad that less thens take children and good people out though… like we was just put there to serve them. I know it’s probably in our heart to forgive and move on in heaven but Lord… why isn’t it in mine?

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Nobody listening to me… nobody talking me thru this… just some faggot abusing me and popping my ear or tapping me

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Like…

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When I got to the point of accepting going to jail if I had to - it went too far. Me? Jail? And my inherent fears and such… then you know there’s a problem and a significant change and problem. Relapsed… drunk again and it makes me scared of my family who ALL live sober and the rooms… would you let them torture me because I refuse to quit yet?

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I’m miserable… I have ZERO dollars and hope just a curse that string you along… I don’t know what to do for real

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When I had the faggot right there on a rape kit they didn’t call please police put me in mental and that was like 7 years ago… too late to press on civil rights now though I’m sure

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Anyone else would get millions

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I don’t want to see, hear, or speak to you again - that’s my side of the monkies

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Not turn a blind eye to rape and torture

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Look like the moon could teach YOU something you self righteous ass holes… or maybe that’s weak

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Can someone please tell me the conclusion they trying to get you cause I don’t speak manipulation. Let’s just solve this here and now so I can TRY to salvage some type of life I can live with

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Because I need to bleed… I need to cry… and drunk is the only way I can these days

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Yo… just cause my eyes glow for real? That’s not a good look “glowing in broad day light” it means there is a problem

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But like who am I to tell all you cause I’m the last one to know or get educated

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Being pire dangerous my cards said… like we haven’t been ducking and stopping bullets my entire life… this not pire

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I thought the war was over and they couldn’t block me from my family anymore

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But they do,.., and they still can… and the only one that cares is me and maybe my kid or kids but I don’t know for fact if I have any and like

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Nah I’ll never spit in your face or say any worse than I hate yoU… but anyone else TRUST

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If I haven’t already

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I’m not built for that I don’t care

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I’d protect your loved ones not hit especially if Cera likes her… it’s not about that at all

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Lord… just give me back my slow mo in not built for this

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Nas… and he hate me too

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That’s when it hurts the most

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Nassau oh that 40 side but I’m so consumed I can’t even write or talk about anything else

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I’m a 0-6 on these battles… I’m not getting better it’s getting worse

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Or they can’t understand my basic.., maybe if life was fluffy I can’t write like you all but shit just still to real to me I can’t get up out this ghetto

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Me turning to or associating with the low level witch that’s kicking my ass anytime she feel like it not gonna happen

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It’s anotomically for my cat to do all that fifth

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Anatomically impossible*

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Pac… what’s up? You know how to take me home? Too much I can’t Bare it and like idk how I feel surviving them shots especially when it was all covered

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Like that rape in myrtle beach in 2010 and like

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Feds rule the world and I can accept EXCEPT when they let them

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I need you demon a sec pac, fifth… so I can talk to god a sec

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It’s all in my head… I’m battling myself and my mind daily..: they telling everyone it’s my dream but it’s a nightmare I’ll never get out of and like

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And like I’ll go back to the hell on earth before slow mo and dodging bullets before I ever accept this

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Why I fought so hard to live when they shot me… I feel so stupid

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These old lady blues so not me it’s unreal and e
Yeah I kinda feel you never really had to see it so I defer a lot to “my life” but I know he not gonna break it down to you either while I’m force to share my body and kiss my hands when I don’t want to

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Breathing like some sick heathen… that’s not la sirene

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Nah this swaying thoufg.., you caught that in the movie I forget the name of… I’ve been swaying for years

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Or when I air out their demons like some low level trash and snort like a pig

[A Disciple]

My thread back… it was cut off a sec and they can type any name they like… you not fu king a md and the answer still no

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I want to die… I can’t wait to finally Die… it must be nice to be so normal and have your family protect you

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Like… let’s just face facts… you are torturing me stringing me along… and I look so stupid every day and I can’t imagine a life that’s even worse. And I’m trying to tell you NOTHING ON THIS EADTH can make up for or make any of this ok and like… why they stronger than us and pire to even begin with. Not on the strength of me so where are you and what you up to? I tell my farther every night let’s go… they don’t hear me though

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Nobody on this earth but my mom and sister give a fuck about me now… I’m fine.,. I know when to go

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Some low level paych patient too.., yoo can NEVER understand that level of defile too

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Then to blame it on drugs? When I’ve only done 5 the most… that’s when it hurts. They telling my family it’s my dream.., how would you feel

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This room like a cell every mother fucking day and nite

[A Disciple]

I couldn’t imagine a aick twisted more nightmare if I even tried… it when they type they own type they own words it makes ir my sickest the l most… who?

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I’m not even trying ro and refuse to live like that and I know bereee Tuan to trust strangers in the shade bur when I thought it was god and my own baby daddy… do you even know hard fo fight my own hands ro type that? And that’s what makes me so ducking sick

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That they even Dan

[Candy]

how has your sleep been, any good dreams to tell me bout

[Candy]

this was like my school
the teacher would go out to dinner with you and invite them for alcohol drinks at their house

[A Disciple]

@Candy I did have a fucked up dream but I forgot what it was… like I’m so fucked up beyond repair I should be dead… hanging with my
Owl right now and like

[Candy]

respect i love dreams no one remembers a dream after tomorrow

[A Disciple]

My dreams are backwards like being nice to people i refuse and my dad and Jamie in bell… it’s all backwards

[A Disciple]

I’m out my owls house crying cause I know I’m being a stupid bitch crying but my baby daddy and virgin is my entire design and religion and I don’t mean to be a burden but my daughters eyes glow too and I’m sorry

[Candy]

crying is good for your soul

[A Disciple]

I remember some of them…my ribs hurt… does that mean my twin is mad… like OWWW and like they put it on my step dad and I blamed him and he the only one telling me the truth… by accident the first time when he said he doesn’t think I should have ANYMORE kids… I peeped that ish

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I’m sorry I put it on my step dad I was wrong

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De ja vu… it’s the only thing that matters. Like what you gonna do when her eyes start glowing too? Like… I don’t know what to think

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I’m gonna try to sleep if my ribs stop hurting… calm down

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My mom like pac she will let him in… maybe that way like lies and all and all the previous drama - she don’t trust you like I do

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Calm down it hurt for real

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I’m kinda mad right now… anyone that co-sign me leaving my family just rubs me the wrong way

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Like 8 more years and them face swaps… like put yourself in my position… what’s up for real?

[A Disciple]

Maybe me… when I called the da for R the voicemail said gang enforcement unit so when he asked me about bloods it confirmed. So later I told him you were the distro cause like everyone know you way too famous and busy to be selling drugs BUT I really needed some help. Sorry… hope you’re not mad! : o( I just told him you going fiscal over sex offenders - I doubt it. I love him to death he my boy but he needs a fucking raise LOL

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He knows I know but he denies and I respect it all and mind my own business… I respect and wouldn’t ever sell any of the ones I know out

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And nah I’m hardly a snitch either… like that’s law that’s the rules you in it that’s the risk… but I think it’s actually a good idea for them too. Keep your ear to the street for a real crime is my opinion

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Yeah I can see them coming but when it came to my old friends I didn’t have a clue and like

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I hope I didn’t already say too much but it’s to the point I can’t take the abuse and disrespect anymore and like…

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Go drill him on how he got that pic please…

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Or how I got hit when I haven’t in 8 years…

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Stuff like that… not trying to be arrogant at all either

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Like idk who is pooping my ear or how but like get them all of me I don’t know how

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Off me*

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It hurt when my father died and all the I thought were friends weren’t there but I’m not stupid I don’t know shit to even say shit but like the pee on my bed, the plants that were wired, the abuse, etc - like if you all was right there watching the entire time why hasn’t it stopped?

[A Disciple]

Because I don’t even care anymore… wake up every day feeling like my enemies I can’t get rid of… hearing some maggot ask for forgiveness almost every time I go to pray. Some other maggot popping my ear or nose or hurting me because I won’t accept or listen to some creeper… like the games they play mocking us with that note and like… how they hurt me and turn it around and make me look like I’m the socio - telling everybody these past 8 years my dream and hell no it’s not… like

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I rather die than bow to them bitches anyway

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To be honest… to be turned into some blow up doll for real?

[A Disciple]

He or she won’t stop popping my ear or abusing me and like how I become their low level bitch? I don’t think so I rather die any way

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Shaking my head like yes or no… like damn can I hear the conversation too?!!???

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They hitting my nose cause of coke… well I don’t give a fuck about coke… I give a fuck about creepers and stalkers who physically, mentally, and sexually abuse me… not coke

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Give me my god and my body back and I’d be fine anyway… rather then some maggot who wanna see me at my worst and not best

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It’s ok I got Tylenol… they hitting me every night again

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The same people who raped me in myrtle beach and they really think I’m a betray MY creed for THEIRS?!??!?

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8 years of toture… because I won’t let go of my family or my god either

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Why won’t you protect me and make them stop?

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I’m a drink until I fall asleep… I was doing so good too

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But my sheets pulled off my bed again… my room a mess again… I got like 4 loads of laundry to do and I refuse to live this sick weak ass bitch for real

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Do you comprehend how long 8 years of torture really is? Dismissing the first 20 if I came anywhere near to you or remembering

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Waving or kissing my hands and I refuse to share my body

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I rather die and be tortured then to let them get what they want and get away with it

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It’s NEVER going to happen me going to or siding with or having anything to do with them. The pain is excruciating right now but idc NO

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Hearing that stupid dumb ass young ass bitch like…

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Just another day of abuse and torture… how do I get my body, my god, and my religion back?

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Fucking sick ass bitch pawing my face right now

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Why do you let them do this to me?

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Their sick as family circling me and mine… what did I do to them anyway?

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How did they even get the power to sleep me to begin with?

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And WHO THINK I’ll ever bow to the wolves that raped me?

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He said it was the just the filter… alright bitch

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And just another night of this screaming and begging for help while nobody cares or listens

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Please find the maggot popping my ear and kill them… that’s what I need

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And the stupid bitch who turned me into a blow up doll and really thinks she owns me

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They’re the ones that raped me and I want them dead for real

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I DESERVE PEACE AND COMFORT IN MY OWN BODY - NOT ABUSED AND TORTURED BECAUSE I WONT BOW TO SOME FAVGOT

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Heathing thru me making me feel gross disrespecting my body beyond comprehension

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Forcing my hands to my face begging me to go to some non factor bitch… bitch I wouldn’t even turn or go to you if you was drowning

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Get your own life and story for real you rapist hoe

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My god gonna torture you too

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In A LOT of pain but almost drunk enough to be able to sleep

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I thought it was god… I thought it was you until they started abusing me

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My god is going to torture them too

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They still popping my ear and nose… I’m not quitting coke until my god comes back and finds me

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How do I get my god and body back?

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It’s to the point that Ice packs on my face makes me sick

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I was ok until Kevin came back around

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Not since

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They forcing 2 fingers up like it’s for pac… nah I know not and doubt that

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They forcing my hands to rub my cheeks right and they refuse to comprehend nah I refuse

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Every day and night torture being forced to share my body with their spirits when I don’t want to

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It makes me so mad I even fought to live

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And nobody helping me… nobody cares what they do to me either

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There I go nodding my head yes again but don’t even hear or know the conversation why… they act like my body just their vessel and it fucking makes me sick… who I ever treated like that?

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Throat just popped twice… not my god I never gave you my body and I’m not your bitch I REFUSE to live like this

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How do I shoot in the dark back and kill them?

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Fucking geriatric faggot forcing me to kiss my hands… how do I kill him and get my body back?

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Jamie came to me from hell… my dad came to me from hell… but these bitches make me dream like that’s heaven… over my dead defied and raped body… how do I turn it around?

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Hissing like a mother fucker

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Are you there? Do you care what they’re doing to me?

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And he or she still popping my ear

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I know when to pull it if you won’t help me or fix it

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I never in my life sold or gave away my body how does that even happen? My daughter half my blood I’ll kill you mt self if you let them do this to her too

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As they just pawed my face like we will EVER be on the same side

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They kissing my hands like this some fight of my life… bitch as faggot

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Kill the stupid bitch I don’t care… I wasn’t put on this earth to suffer for no one

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He popping my ear still… as my pire can you find them and make them stop? Can you give me my god and my body back and protect me?

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Because I’m about 5 minutes away from pulling this trigger and my mom doesn’t deserve that either

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Honestly I want them dead because they had plenty of chances to just leave me alone

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Because they refuse to stop too and I’m still being forced to share my body when I don’t want to and being forced to kiss my hands

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PS I rather die then to be forced to afflitiafe with them bitches in their category too… do what you got to do

[A Disciple]

@Emily I don’t see the message and sorry I’ve been traveling and missed my leagues this week