Mayonnaise

Running rivers can heal a soul
Grey or lazer bright all this walking takes a toll
Bring to my urn every lesson I never learned
Every stripe I swore I earned
Every moment I wasnt concerned
I don’t care now… let it burn
They get away with it again don’t they?
Every plan of theirs that I fell right into by accident… while they live la vita dulce
And in the end this is all I get
For every odd moment I never thought of to forget
10 split seconds wasn’t enough
Wheres the other 10 that explains now why it’s so tough
Losing my religion and my creed
No peace and comfort within my own flesh while they get to concede
Conceded… what well that be
Look in the mirror now cause that bish wasn’t ever me
Familiarizing myself walking blind and mostly alone
To every other thought that wasn’t even mine that they own
And something that was supposed to be so beautiful and magical
Laced with bates that for me remains so tragical

So they get away with it all?
They really do don’t they?

Meeting Gods on levels I don’t and didn’t deserve to see
While they tell everyone these are my demons to face… like it’s really even reality
Only it is… how?
Secrets - evidentially my own are hidden from me
Only me
Cause somehow it was common knowledge to everybody
Everybody but me
Looking like such a stupid bitch cause it takes me weeks to process
I have to live it out forward then backward so now I’m even less
Thought it was finally over
Then came true hell
Maybe if I never sniffed coke
I wouldn’t have fallen under that spell
Outside of anyone else but my self
I’m afraid of heights so I can’t even stand on that ledge to wager my health
And then in crawling to get back up they return to cast those stones
To a point where you believe death is so beautiful even when you’re so alone
Time can’t be given back
And each day passes 8 years feels like 2
To tones too heavy that now I can’t even look at you
“Out of love and out of feelings”
Nah not that though cause I’m still in here and when I see your eyes I know no fear
But I do have to charge you year and year
Or was you as stupid as I am and swore it was all laid out so perfect and clear?
If I was in my own zone… then maybe I wouldn’t have to think so much
44 years old in 2 weeks and yet I’m still the one that’s out of touch
And the voices - they have so much to say
It’s the first thing I wake up to every day
I checked the date and said nah it’s not today
So I went any way