dawn of stars

[Candy]

Dawn of Stars
..

In the evening dew, a little Jewish girl teeths
On her rubber rattle smelling of baby heart beats
Her breath that of the sun on a stem, the stem on a knot
Her days spending with daisies tieing them until they pop
On "love me - love me nots"
She hops with marbles by the kingdom fare
To say that she is crippled at that age in her birthing affairs
Legs crossed like her black cat, "ONYX" that is Princess
Not just the word but the world consumed in its inches
Her school uniform dawned at the moment of conception
Her lessons of Queens once bathing inspections
Nubian flesh, by land American summer breeze
Turned dusty white on narrow roads for tumble weeds
There is rumours of natives but as settlers she settels
watching the daisies slowly wilt by there gold petal
Sitting by the carts wheel she is embodied by her mum
told we will need your baby teeth,
that they wear
for folk lore to LIVE ON

[Candy]

[Slashe]

Hi Candy. This was a descent drop. I think that it flowed well and the consistency of both staying on topic and word choice was descent also. It seemed to stay on topic all the way through this passage.

[bigBerd]

This is cute. You've definitely improved since I last read your work. Not sure where the cat fits into it, but the imagery checks out otherwise.
"Summer breeze/tumbleweeds" is a great rhyme.
The Semitic reference in the first line feels like unnecessary context, but other than that this makes for a good little Ballad for the Tooth Fairy

[Candy]

thanks guys love the comment

[Lady Poet]

Very creative to me
Flow through the whole vs
Lyric off the hook
keep up the good work

[Candy]

thanks one love