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Thread: The Hitman

  1. #1
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    The Hitman

    The Aftermath

    On the roof shaking & sweating victim in my site
    Taking a life getting ready to kill, is this one Right
    All my nerves intact and my sniper Wesson Drawn
    Can’t hold back the hyper aggression this dudes gone
    It was grosser then shit till it was opened and dripped
    I unloaded the clip and His head exploded and ripped
    I poured lead through his back and then his fore head
    & all the gore bled in the cracks and created more red
    I was crying out loud and ran down to his side screamin
    Trying to revive him in the crowd not bothering leavin
    Momma, Please look at your son, look at what I've done
    & I always thought I'd be the strong one in this long run
    I wont weep for my loved one, but maybe cry tonight
    One day I shall see the light, you and me will reunite
    you need not hold that weight, for you were just so great
    Don’t be afraid, as you venture through the Golden Gates

    The Beginning

    Father, forgive me for what I'm feeling inside
    It's so hard for a vandal to handle dealing with pride
    I don't want beef to start, I'd rather keep this heartfelt
    But although it's hard, I gotta play the cards I've been delt
    To hold his soul in my clutch and crush his skull into mush
    But how do I Kill someone that I love and respect so much?
    This Man taught me self-defense, and built my confidence
    And With common sense towards any man I fought against
    He was always there for me, teaching me giving free lessons
    And I confess, to you lord that he answered all my questions
    Trying to add to the respect you've earned from your preachings
    So I can keep you on my side and learn from your teachings
    Like a pacifist who never asked for this, now I'm surrounded
    Im down for the count, but there must be some way around it
    This is my Confession lord remember what little time we had
    But still I find it kind of sad, because I really did love my Dad

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Banned Demon Pyrokronix's Avatar
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    One word for this timmy...amazing. You picked up the hammer and chisel and drove the nail deep. One of the best open mics I've read for a while.

    I absolutely love deep, emotional (even better with crime) subjects that are deep and flow like the niagra falls.

    The flow was phenominal, the multies were fantastic in almost every line.

    For me these 4 sadistic lines were probably the best flowing of the whole piece.

    It was grosser then shit till it was opened and dripped
    I unloaded the clip and His head exploded and ripped
    I poured lead through his back and then his fore head
    & all the gore bled in the cracks and created more red


    The thrilling twist in the second verse when the reader finds out that the target was the hitmans father had me engrossed and I felt a twinge of dissapointment that the piece couldn't have gone on for longer. The emotion in this was overwhelming.

    Outstanding work Timmy

  4. #4
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    thanxs fam that really means alot

  5. #5
    deine mutter BeRLin`S BesT's Avatar
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    nice....imagery was off the hook my man....you brought the feelings the protagonist had across very well....the flow was consistent and the structure was clean....I think u also did good arrenging the verses the way u did....keep that ish comin'....pz
    Hit N Run

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  6. #6
    Fuck You Tony B's Avatar
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    ur drops r alwayz hot, so i dont really kno y u need ne feed
    - King Tone

  7. #7
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    because for free bump

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