When your world collaps this is the fuck what happens

[Trema]

torture pain misery agony all the emotions drawn down on one page
-nobodies dieing from old age,stray shots fly pass every day
december to may,wether its a 9 or an a.k
-it seems where all cattle waitied to sliced an slayed
my future?, aint one living in a society of man eaters
-woman beaters, child abusers and a goverment who blow up all r features
are teachers, ambulance service drug counsellas and social workers
-they all try to help us,but it seems tony blair just ignors us
little children are under teachers supervision when left in education
-it seems like all religions no one listens,until nufins left in d kitchen
when your world collaps this is the fuck what happens
-you start rappen,looking for a way out,an yo lips start chattin
as soon as you spit a rhyme, a young kid commits a crime
-i supposed he wannid to be you, thats why he picked up dat 9
music portrayed as drugs money sex,and too much perfanity?
-is this reality? to live in this society are we the kids history
every foot step you take, your already writing a book of your life
-the pain the strife,the guns the knifes, an ya kids ya wife
your vocabulary is there libary,your hands there security
-also you gotta be healthy,for your self and ya family

www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234578
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=234259

[Dodge]

Ight man sup, i really liked this.i thought the vocab was pretty slick and it got to the point and meaning of what ur tryin to say, the only thing i wud say in my opinion to work on a lil bit more is rhyming, most of the rhyming was gd but some lines just went off track a bit from the pattern. nice job though man. Dodge .

[Trema]

^^^Thanks for the feed, leave a link an ul reply to yo post.

[mcl]

yeh dodge is right the message was clear
the rhymes real
and the overall structure was off the chain

[Trema]

uppin this.............................................. .....

[Trema]

uppin this shit

[Trema]

common this is some bull shit 29 views and two replies

[warchild]

Nice piece Trem very impressive son looks like your stepping your bars up.
The concept wasnt nothing new but there was a real message in the words and it asked some questions too. Your vocab was used perfect for this piece you didnt just add in a bunch of big words for the sake of it(Which I Fucking Hate) some of your observations were real i was really feeling the emotion you put into this piece. Your flow was ok but you need to work on it so you can mix in some multies to your pieces it will just add a bit more complexity to your pieces, also next piece you write try and mix in a couple of metaphors this will make your pieces stand out a little bit more.
Good piece keep writing and keep posting.

Return the feed on my new om id appreciate it:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=235527

[Trema]

Thanks warchild i'll peep your piece now,

[Trema]

51 what and how much replies??? uppin

[Trema]

uppin this

[mcbadboy]

i liked the first bit of yo rap keep rapin 10/10

[Infamousfelonies]

yo this is infamousfelonies

at first I didn't like this because it was sounding so common and I didn't even want to finish it but it just goes to show that you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover because as I read through this piece I became more and more attracted to it and wanted to hear your opinion more and more about the current issues in the world today I don't know about the title great piece but to me the title doesn't fit the piece btu thats just me man your structure was good man keep on improving with the structure sometimes structure can make or break the reader who is reading your piece you should keep that up. You have potential man and I will keep a eye out for your work and see how you progress in flowing

Infamousfelonies----the new slogan is A