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Thread: Wish You Were Here

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Donald Trump's Avatar
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    Jul 2005
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    Awards 150+ Wins FL Tournament Winner PC HOF FL Champion

    Wish You Were Here


    You where in an accident said you where doomed
    Ambulance took you to the Hospital...
    ...but there warnt any rooms
    The Meter claimed you where dead i knew i lost you
    I seud the Hospital and won the Law Suit
    I won millions of dollars i pilled it in a stack
    But id trade it all just so that i can have you back
    My hear was broken the pain didnt end
    i tought that id never be happy ever again
    I couldnt beleive you were dead i was blind
    Years passed mom and you were still in my mind
    Until one day i went to a party n it made me twirl
    I looked at the dance floor and i say this girl
    I didnt want to get hurt..
    so i didnt talk to her and it sucked
    Then her friend came n said hey she said wassup
    So i went up to her we started talking...
    i kept thinking this was a mistake
    But soon after that she asked for a second date
    So i took her out to dinner then we went to a club
    And little by little we started falling in love
    I was madly in love with her n i got on my knee
    I looked up at her and said will you marry me?
    She was speechless so i told her your the best
    a tear came down her eyes and she said yes
    Now im here in the church all my friends are here
    im about to get married mom i wish you were here
    Me and angie..and new life is what we will start
    and altough your not here Physically...
    ...youll always be in my heart
    I wish you were mom the words im saying is true
    i'll never forget you mom remember i love you

  2. #2

  3. #3
    The Drama Club
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    2,917
    Battle Record
    25-27
    This was a nice read. The imagery n emotion matched well. The vocab was nice. Your flow was consistent n smooth. I don't care for structure so onto your wording. Which was well done. Overall you did good.
    Life Is 10% What Happens To You;
    90% How You React To It.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Nov 2005
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    Da Bricks
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    Battle Record
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    deep.. not bad.. wordusage good.. smooth flow.. keep it up

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  5. #5
    Dope Inc.
    Guest
    this was nice..i felt the emotion consistantly throughout

    good imagery, flow and vocab interesting topic

    overall i liked this~

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