The Deathly Blood Encounter

[Paramik]

Yes thank you I love to hear critisim so I can find my weaks spots and work on them.
Thanks for the feed.

[Sublime D]

ok...interesting attempt at what you said is a new style for you. I felt the vibe of the story....you did a good job of putting the reader in the somewhat dark disturbed mood you were looking for, however this was broken, at least for me, at times with poor word choice and towards the end with a very forced attempted rhythm. The first 3/4 of this i would call good, the last quarter just seemed very "get this shit done" to me. . . IT's a good attenmpt for a new style, but revise your word choice (stop repeating so many words so many times), and i may be wrong about this, but i think you need to learn how to let your piece finish itself...If you feel like you're forcign it out, ou probably are...good poetry flows out naturally....

Also, I saw above you were defending your motives for writing this...you should never put adisclaimer up to your topic like that...makes me think you weren't completely committed to what you were writing...just writing about a topic for the sake of writing about it isn't the best idea...it leads you into this daze where you can always write about whatever, but it never feels like truly inspired work...because it isn't...connect with what you're writing about...

this a nice attempt...keep writing

[Paramik]

Thanks I love your critique.
Yea I think I did try to force some words and the finish so I can get it Posted.
But thanks for the feed.
If you have any OM or PS I can RTF.