Pick a topic from the list. Verses are due on Sunday, voting ends on Tuesday night. Check in as early as possible and good luck!
Pick a topic from the list. Verses are due on Sunday, voting ends on Tuesday night. Check in as early as possible and good luck!
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
Fuckin ay dude....! ES again?? Sup ES?
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
I'll edit my piece here, but if he doesn't show up, I will drop Monday....and consider this an extension if you show ES...I am gone all weekend - I will be going to the mountains.
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
i'm 9-3!!!!!!
anyways, check... sup Brandon...
and i'm cool with droppin by monday or earlier..
lol @ the mountains, have fun with the bears.
Wrong Way
A Personal Story Of My Life Rght Now
Education's painless while name's remain ageless
for numbers to even count and now as I pace this
evening drought without a drop of sky or earth to
taste - it's insane to think that I am the same as I
was then, but when I focus on the product of scenes
forced upon me by obvious means, I stop and I see
myself drop to my knees - for I'm not a god or a thief
but I've got this belief, that there's more of me than
the majority of your eyes have ever gotten to meet
Only no movie set -
I live a real life
Romeo and Juliet
I feel like I've mastered it - but I don't know the half of it
Love is crushed - Protestants don't mix with Catholics
Mad cause I'm so sure that the only pain I'd ever accept
Is if she's the happy one as I lay plain as forever I wept
But dots never connect, every section mixed to match
She dwells and fits my path - giving me my fix at last
Wrong act? I never wove in plunder to love another dove
I'm just stuck in a rut under Mary - Jesus' mother's love
I do not get it - but she brings out what I choose to hide
Suicide? Never. But it's rude to die with this truth inside
I'll tell you some more
for to gain is to lose
what I had gained before
I've tried so hard - I've gone through it and
life's trials are wild since life's styles bring us
new lifestyles to choose from, I've chewed up
the food, but - there's no way to prove that I
care, so I'll share and do my part to repair her
heart - and prepare it to start from the very
beginning of the chart if she's willing to try to
carry me when I am weak, for I would do it for
her in a heartbeat, so I'll just let my heart speak
Only no movie set -
I live a real life
Romeo and Juliet
So - to you readers of a modern day Shakespearience
I leave a message of serious meaning and it clearly fits
Love's great, it really is, and gets what nearly is worth it
We really deserve these girls, they just really are perfect
We're observant still and notice we should cut our losses
Stubborn bosses, the human race spins 'round and tosses
But don't lose this, keep hope and live immaculate still then
This is the story of male Protestant with a Catholic girlfriend
Love conquers All. Death to Shakespeare. Life to All.
Last edited by Brandon Cee; October 17th, 2007 at 02:52 AM
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
http://i24.tinypic.com/2l9h01e.jpg
Land covered in skeletons, crows hover through devilish
shadows that are strangled aside gallows, smothered
with excellence, loose throats get tight from the noose
most fear... called war, all for the might that men choose
to praise. A good warrior prays, his sword in sheath
On the floor, he weeps, asking the lord "what's more
to keep?" but then he stands strong and shielded
his own skin, he peeled it, righting wrongs to feel it;
The guilt of killing what was in that cold environment
Alone, no one wondering where the soul survivor went
He returned to his kingdom painted in blood, he made it,
the hugs from his people amazed him with love
The king congratulated him, but the war was made of sin
What this army of horror wants to take from them
is freedom, even if they contributed to no treason
The king knew he would lose unless the lord of demons
was assassinated, so he decided to attack evaded
Using discretion to have him faded; the plan's debated
Now they decide to use the last battle's soul survivor
and one more warrior as an ally and bone divider
The assassination plan was confirmed, but it was learned
that there was only one warrior left to earn for the burn
They couldn't find someone strong enough, then a tough
new fighter came into town and found it a rush to be rough
This irritated the assassin, cause he knew if only this man
was honorable and good-hearted, it would go with the plan
but instead he had to be arrogant, full of disparagement
The type of gambler that makes fun of happy marriages
Then one day, this hooligan picked a fight with him
Drew his sword to strike at him, but it didn't frighten him
The soul survivor clashed his weapon, wind blew passed
their direction, the sounds of blades smashing lessened
with their stamina as both knelt on the grass and rested
Giving them a lasting impression of this havoc destined
They both stopped and parted ways, the darkest days
were approaching as if the kingdom had magnetic waves
Both warriors bumped shoulders again and met their blades
This became a legendary rematch that questioned fates
How long will this rivalry perpetuate? both were swift
They ran on water slicing at each other's throats and wrists
How far will this rivalry travel to? both could jump
They fought hopping from leaves to branches over trunks
Until both loss energy, parting ways once again
Their battle has come to an end, but the men
were ordered to go to the palace into the king's home
Both stood on the red carpet in front of his throne
shocked to see each other, brought to reach the other
The king suggested them to end the rivalry and be brothers
Originally Posted by King
Last edited by Facts Machine; October 16th, 2007 at 01:13 AM
es - it's up to you, if you think it's too late, okay, if you'll give him tomorrow, okay, it's your match.
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
I'll give him tomorrow before midnight, for i haven't even voted on anything yet... which i will be doing soon.
EDIT: I never saw that you had edited a verse in, I just saw you hadnt posted anything yet and assumed you didnt finish a verse last night. Sorry, it don't tell me when you edit. Open for votes since I guess you posted b4 Elemental said u had to.
Last edited by Engivale; October 17th, 2007 at 04:15 PM
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
Well IMO this was the battle of the week...
Brandon- Seeing how this was based on a your life right now it added to the realness and emotion alot. I loved the way you tied in how nobody here really knows who you are. Like you put on this "tuff guy" act but your really a sensitive guy. Which you really get out of most "tuff guys". Your rhyme scheme seemed to almost change a couple of times throughout and it worked for you. Flow was very good with maybe a little spot or two that skipped but never fell off. I loved the way you tied in romeo, juliet, shakespear into the whole bit.. It worked well for this type of piece. I also liked your take towards the topic. Very original I might add. I dont really see a problem i had with the piece except Im kind of in a relationship I thought was love but its not..so it made me jealous rofl.
^this was my favorite part. How your explaning the differences between yall but nothing could stand in the way kinda. Finally figuring out you really love her and being able to express it like youve wanted to.I feel like I've mastered it - but I don't know the half of it
Love is crushed - Protestants don't mix with Catholics
Mad cause I'm so sure that the only pain I'd ever accept
Is if she's the happy one as I lay plain as forever I wept
But dots never connect, every section mixed to match
She dwells and fits my path - giving me my fix at last
Wrong act? I never wove in plunder to love another dove
I'm just stuck in a rut under Mary - Jesus' mother's love
I do not get it - but she brings out what I choose to hide
Suicide? Never. But it's rude to die with this truth inside
So overall I really enjoyed your piece man. And the fact that its based on your life right now drew more attention from me to this piece as well. Good Job.
Elemental- Your story telling abilities are ridiculous man. How you make so much understanding with not much at all. Your take towards the picture was perfect. How you took the side of the guy with his head cut off as opposed from the side of the blue guy as most would. I like how you really gave the picture a very descriptive background. You brought whats happening in the pic to life. Thought there wasnt as much emotion in this one, it was visible from the assisins point of view. Your flow was great as always. Although there was a blotchy spot that stopped me and i had to re-read it, it was only that spot.
The imagry here was great. You really brought that, Egotistical "Im the best to ever walk earth" feel to that character. It made me forget i was reading a made up story for a minute lol. The qoute you added for the king was so realistic from that times way of life. I felt like i was there kneeling in front of him. Your word choice superb especially in the qoute. Its very hard to bring an old way of life to the present being that you werent there lol. But you pulled it off spectacularly..The assassination plan was confirmed, but it was learned
that there was only one warrior left to earn for the burn
They couldn't find someone strong enough, then a tough
new fighter came into town and found it a rush to be rough
This irritated the assassin, cause he knew if only this man
was honorable and good-hearted, it would go with the plan
but instead he had to be arrogant, full of disparagement
The type of gambler that makes fun of happy marriages
This was an incredibly close battle IMO. And it took me quite sometime to decide who i felt won, And although i loved the way you brought your life and true self out int his piece brandon, i just found myself lost inside elementals verse from beginning to end. Had this piece been against any of the other verses this week You would have pulled it off brandon. But elementals story was just incredible in my eyes. DAMN GOOD BATTLE though guys..
V/elemental
Monster's Ink
2xOMHoF
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Courtesy of: Elvis Freshly
Brandon:
I enjoyed your piece alot. The flow and consistency was excellent as well as the storyline. The Romeo & Juliet section was good. The intellectuals means to your entire stuck out as you related your life to other events, books, or other individuals who reflected on your emotion. The basis of your verse gathered itself with every bar and led to next section nicely. It shows that you took time to write this and gave your own view on your life. Rather than how we might see you and how we might conceive you to be. You gave us the real you. The individual that is Brandon behind the monitor. Thank You for this read.
This to me stood out most. Showing how your mind reflected a parallel side to who you truly are.Education's painless while name's remain ageless
for numbers to even count and now as I pace this
Elemental:
Your piece was great. The flow and structure built around the character was authentic. The imagery used was good. In the fact that it not only gave visual the character and his actions but it gave imagery to his emotions and how he presented the energy given off by him. The grammar and word choice was good as well. There wasn't a word in the wrong place. You kept with a steady flow as you built toward each of the highlights of the piece. Your emotion shown through the bars such as:
Giving the impression that you felt it was time to show a switch in scenery and you also foreshadowed new reactions. This was indeed a great read.They both stopped and parted ways, the darkest days
were approaching as if the kingdom had magnetic waves
I felt both of you came with it. Neither one of you slacked and gave in. Both of you had good verses. But ES seemed to take it a bit more with his imagery.
v.ES
But...
He can never touch her again
#BaseBoyz
ES- wow. you rocked it....glad to see im back in this with you. your emotions and flow were excellenntttay. started off with fire from the first bar...these opening lines were sick.
Land covered in skeletons, crows hover through devilish
shadows that are strangled aside gallows, smothered
with excellence, loose throats get tight from the noose
most fear... called war, all for the might that men choose
wow.
dope shit man. not much i can critique.
vs.
BC - i like how it was set up, but i saw this similar scheme were you leave it hanging till the next line in someones current OM, idk, w.e. still good. a nice story line, pretty emotional considering its about your life as of right now.
I've tried so hard - I've gone through it and
life's trials are wild since life's styles bring us
new lifestyles to choose from, I've chewed up
dope shit....
overall...nice battle, even though it took long to drop ;D
i think ES blew it away though my dude.
V/ES
Pzzzz
Elemental loses 2 votes
Brandon Cee loses 2 votes
Elemental wins 1 vote to Negative Two.
hey, Brandon, had you bothered to vote on all the open battles, you'd of gained a vote rather than lost two. And been tied. And coula beat your lazy opponent. But you care just as little as him, so, you lose.
<<Disgusted>>
Elemental is now (10-3)
Brandon Cee is now (7-4)
Both are now officially bitches until further notice.
A.I.
"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
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