Wk3/ Cry (2-0) VS C.A.S. (1-1)

[Born To Kill]

Ok, Gentlemen, week 3 is upon us...

If reminding is needed...it goes like this...

Check in by Wednesday...or YOU LOSE! No exceptions...
At the time of check in drop the topic you wanna write about...
It can be about anything...this shit is about you, the person, you the writer...
What you have inside you that you wanna get out in written word.
Be it your shitty week, the story of you and your girl...
Your inner-most hatred, your ultimate adventure...
Whatever.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU LET YOUR TOPIC BE KNOWN AT TIME OF CHECK IN.
This is to reduce the chances of you waiting until the last minute...
Then posting up an old piece you wrote 3 years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh, aight!

Maximum 36 lines...if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ...
AND HE'LL GET IT! Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

That's all, I guess...please tear this shit up!!!

Peace and good luck!!!
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[Cody Nash]

sup west... good luck to you. and my topic will be...




Vengeance Complete

#1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-354004.html
#2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-0-354006.html

[Leonidas]

G/L to you aswell

Topic: Preach It

[Leonidas]

Cry, since your not on right now...I'm just going to drop in the morning/afternoon. So if your on and you see this...Try to drop around the same time.

[Cody Nash]

i'll be dropping sometime tonight within the hours...

[Cody Nash]

Vengeance Complete: The Hearts War
By: Nash



she loves me, she loves me not...
no longer mine, her heart'll see me rot
bleeding on... another joke to her
now I breathe on a shrink's spoken words
my home is cursed... the bed and me are alone
no more cushion, just bad memories and stone
ones meant to be thrown, but I can't let go
and so, I'm womanless... and I can't get no -
like the rolling stones! nothing ever grows...
satisfaction feels like something I've never known.
I sit on a weathered throne.
it gets better though... things change
I meet this sweet dame.
but she plays a mystique game... and again I bleed
from the seams, bleeding everything inside me.
all emotions straining... I breathe in, devotion fading
I can't keep a relationship floating if I'm in the ocean wading!
endless stories of dating... always failing, giving her the glory
for me it's only pouring, it never rains for me
I wish rain was my biggest worry,
when life gives you rocks, I just get the quarry!
my best guess is I'm boring... but today's my reckoning
my life is in question, but it ain't no guessin' thing
the knife in my hand is besting shrinks...
compared to them, the blade's a restless king
with my mind at all time lows, it becomes the essence of me
so I die slow, cutting out my heart of stone...
-vengeance complete.

[Leonidas]

I'll be dropping very soon...Within the hour or just a little over

[Leonidas]

http://i6.tinypic.com/85niv5d.jpg
http://i9.tinypic.com/86fdsh4.jpg

Most sit to pray, while the poor pray to sit
Wishes cease to fulfill while believers increase to quit
What is the concept of prayer, if no one really knows?
Who answers our calls and where do our thoughts go?
We all believe in something, but why hope to believe
When in reality the believers only believe to receive

I sit in the church, while I remember a friend, a dearest indeed
Doodling on a paper with a pen like the blood he had to bleed
My family looks at me like I’m crazy, casts of curious looks
Devastation is devastating as my only friends now remain in books
They say “Why are you sad, when you never knew him alive?”
Smart shots sizzled back as I keep my faith in my heart to revive
Everyday I hear talks of him, the grieve comes and passes with time
Rap songs tell his tale as if they knew him to in their rhyme
I dream about seeing his casket, the moonlight surrounds my soul
He was stabbed multiple times, as my heart wrenches that toll
Every night I drop to my knees and repeat over his name
Thinking if he was still here, would life remain the same
But times have changed, witnessing now worldwide tragedy
No one lends out a hand, voices say “Why, it didn’t happen to me”
But one day we’ll see, because everyone will experience a loss
Just to the extend of my friend like a bill collector collecting a cost
Over and over, I relive the accounts he went through, unbearable pain
One in being with myself as I think of him and me as one in the same
I walk past a mirror, and I catch a quick glimpse of his face
My body exudes a cold feeling as my friend strays in my place
Soon I will meet him; Life after death is my time to reach it
Reunite with my friend Jesus, so I can ask him one last time..
…To “Preach It”

[Morbid Dream]

CAS

Fav Lines

Most sit to pray, while the poor pray to sit
Wishes cease to fulfill while believers increase to quit
What is the concept of prayer, if no one really knows?
Who answers our calls and where do our thoughts go?
We all believe in something, but why hope to believe
When in reality the believers only believe to receive

Emotion was strong. But I’m sure by now you know this thing is always being done. Consistent all through, flow, content and plot. I got a sense of “I’ll be missing you” by P Diddy. It was put together OK but it read like a book and so I couldn’t get into it.


Vs

CRY

Strong imagery. Real good flows and good use of metaphors…Disappointed with the ending though. Dude killed himself over a woman? Nothing else? Prozac would’ve lifted the mood a bit! Your emotion was felt. Something’s rhyme awesome…something’s rhymed poor if at all.


A real good battle. V/ Cry

[Leonidas]

CMon...Need more votes.

[Soule]

Nice job to both, great job on dropping. Nice job on writing.

Aaron - Your piece has been done by you many times before. With nearly the same concept. But as you age, each time you write this piece it strengthens. And this is the best draft of it yet. Your imagery was strongest upon my point of view. And it painted a nice story in my mind. Emotion was well done and deffinently one of the best elements of the piece. Wording was well placed and chosen. Flow was smooth and slipped right off of the tongue. In all possible ways, it doesn't matter how played the concept was. It was a nice read. Keep at it.

WestBank - nice read. Seen it done before concept wise but it was still well done no matter how played. The imagery was strong, possibly the strongest of all elements in the written read. Emotion lacked some, but was alright. Flow was edgy, not slick but not stuck either. You made me stutter, so damn you for that lol. Wording was well done, placement was cool and you chose some well thought out words. Mature if anything. All in all it was a nice read.

Both were played concept but I felt Nash had the better emotion, flow and story. keep it up gentlemen.

[Broly]

Cry- your concept has been used, and played out IMO, your imagery
in this peice was very nice, like it painted a little story in the back of my
mind, and the emotion was also on point, vocab and wordplay was nice
and your flow was pretty nice too, a little shaky IMO at some places

CAS- nice verse, concept has been done before, but your storyline was
different, imagery was on point and IMO i think it was possibly what
stuck out to me the most, although the emotion could've been a little better
flow was kind of off in some points, vocab and wordplay was straight.

V/Cry, for having better verse, no hate though

[Leonidas]

Damn...I thought my piece was a lot better than this. I didnt even get one vote yet,lol..Cmon. But all you guys are saying "Nice verse" "Nice Read", "Good Emotion", etc,etc...So why didnt I get the vote if it was nice? lol...Can you guys go more into what you didnt like next time..Cause I dont understand how it was so lopsided. And sorry if my drop seemed played or you've seen something like that before...I've never seen it and though it was original.

Congrats Cry

[Born To Kill]

I dunno...

I'm not gonna say yours dragged on, CAS...
But it was definitely harder to read...didn't flow as well.

And had a harder to relate to viewpoint...at least to me...
I'm not very religious at all.

Cry's was very easy to relate to...though I don't ever agree to being puss enough to end it all over a bitch.
But I get the reason for feeling that way.
Bitches!

Vote: Cry, superb flow, very emotional, relatable topic.
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[Born To Kill]

Cry WINS, 3-0

CAS LOSES, 1-2

Dopeness...