Alls well...in my Jail Cell

[P. Mortuus]

Alls well...in my Jail Cell



Brains damp with a weight of thoughts that clamp
my mind to my hand- my hand paralyzed by cramps
I can’t read nor breathe so my lungs feel diseased
I call but god told me I say his name in vain so he’s
left me- Too many topics on him I see it’s a nifty
excuse to excuse himself leaving me on edge & shifty

In a shitty prospect I see facets of life so right it’s wrong
one man’s a cop- a father but at night a fiend on a bong
a mother on crack- a sibling losing all his money on tracks
Not mine so I can’t relate- but sedated by the air I attack
governmental policies which lack practicality- & as such
suck so bad fuck morality- I’m only 19 & so much
skill has deserted me- I can’t write nor see- my eyes unclear
my ears covered; trachea smothered by fear I steer near
remains of past projects- last prospects of mapped onsets
but it’s all not set- I read but I type fucked shit so lost its
cost-ed me losses against false bosses so cosy in their writing
it seems there’s also puppet writers biting others fighting
wack wars to attack they paste scripts so addicted to derelict
skills to be fixed by handicapped bitches writing who reelect
Scores of idols to idolize while others lay on all fours
taking it up unsavoury holes these whores grace the floors

So I sit and watch… and from far I see them move to grooves
& in the nooks & crannies are skeletal specters who boot
their blues- so I cry tears of blood- bloody faced near above
my head is a halo- not real just a papier-mâché near enough
it’s strings stuck to lapels- with knifes stuck in navels
and the navel army writes home glorious fables of Naples

So it seems all’s false- no allies here B, all’s lost hope
so My mistress returns- depression nearing me but why mope?
When tension and stress are my Ménage à trois antidote to cope
with all but nope- I can’t so my skill slope slowly halts who knows
to show the pauper I was a king but now I sleep deep in bed
my head filled with ideas I can’t pen so I leave them dead…Pz.

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...it-372794.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ur-372251.html

[espiv]

unless this is supposed to be a piece of poetry, you gotta work on schemes/patterns so the delivery is smoother. I read all of these verses as if im spitting them.

[Steven William]

I liked the drop overall, it was cool. I'm not exactly sure what you were going for as far as the topic is concerned though. Maybe it was just a barrage of thoughts someone was reflecting on in a jail cell, not sure. A lot of it seemed rap related in the 2nd verse then trailed off into another idea in the third.

The one issue I have with the way this was written is the rhyme scheme. At first it was hard to grasp then as I read it got easier to control the way I was reading it. I think you could work on that a little though.

Besides that it was pretty cool, nice multis/internals throughout almost the entire drop. The imagery was nicely formatted into the verses and it flowed nicely after I got a grasp on the rhyme scheme.

Good drop.

can you drop some actual feed, rather than just a "need another link" comment on the drop by Ntalek and myself?

[P. Mortuus]

Yup, left comments.

[Revolucao]

a good topical piece that i've read in awhile, had very nice imagery
a good story telling, rhyme scheme did edge a bit but non the less
the flow ran smooth, hope to see more drops like this....

[uncontrollable flow]

Nice peice, i like it, its written very well, and i'm feeling the second verse.

a mother on crack- a sibling losing all his money on tracks
Not mine so I can’t relate- but sedated by the air I attack
governmental policies which lack practicality- & as such
suck so bad fuck morality- I’m only 19 & so much
skill has deserted me- I can’t write nor see- my eyes unclear
my ears covered; trachea smothered by fear I steer near
remains of past projects- last prospects of mapped onsets
but it’s all not set- I read but I type fucked shit so lost its

This part flowed very well and had a good use of vocabulary and by far is my favorite part. Nice work, keep it up.