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Thread: Leon

  1. #1
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Leon

    "I know that the spades are swords of a soldier
    I know that the clubs are weapons of war
    I know that diamonds mean money for this art
    But that's not the shape of my heart



    I walk down these cold streets, with two chips on my shoulder
    None bolder, as I grow older, I wonder why it is I grow colder
    He slams down the folder, the fat bastard he wants dead
    I nod, as if he speaks with a God...."$5,000 a head"
    Sneak in so silently, watch them react so violently, they fire at air
    Drop down from a tall ceiling, drop one or two....then I'm not there
    Moving swiftly like an Alien, as I begin, to downsize this population
    Corner my target in a panic room....Moving without hesitation
    As he stands in his unknown tomb....sweat pouring down his face
    I appear as if already there....waiting....to touch "Base"
    With the fact, that my attack, came with much reason
    As he pleads with me, he soon will see, I have no respect for treason
    Orders are given....his sins are forgiven...I leave him to die another day
    Return to my home, a girl sits all alone...no toys for her to play
    Then I hear her say, "Don't tell my dad," her smoke hidden under her breath
    She turns her head, blackened eyes bloodshot red...it seems she faces death
    In her own home, she faces a tone, unlike any I can release
    For I am human....but her father....her father is no less than a beast
    Weeks have passed, I fill my glass, with a few drops of milk
    I clean my protection, watch every direction, spray my plants of silk
    Then I hear, what I long have feared....a knocking at my door
    I tour my place, then search for a face....no idea what I had in store
    As I glance outside, I see no pride, in the little girl's face that knocks
    Men surround her...they have not yet found her...tears roll down to her socks
    I think to myself...this girl I can't help...she will only cause prolems for sure
    Then I look at the men, faces full of sin, the girl...her face is so pure
    I let her in...her heart I win...she tells me of her lost kin
    All were lost, that is the cost, when you steal from hearts of tin
    My heart grows cold, as I grow old, but I still have a heart inside me
    As she cries at night, I feel I might...watch her blossom into a tree
    Raise her as my own, to a different tone, one of strict love
    I am just a man....with blood on his hand....I know not of this dove
    As days roll by, I listen to her try...to convince me to let her in
    On the job I do..."I'll be a cleaner to,"...to avenge her long lost kin
    It would be a sin! For a little girl to kill like I must do
    Fuck it, I'll show her the ropes...maybe she will come through
    As the months fly by, I watch the fear in her eyes, slowly pass away
    I have given her hope, meaning to cope, meaning to live each day

    Flash forward to a warzone, bloody and torn, I am stuck in the middle
    They have found her, bound her, they play her like a fiddle
    Me they belittle! I am Leon, that which means lion in my home
    I'll break them down, take off their crown...raw them till' their bone
    Shots are fired, lives retired, bullets fly in all direction
    I take a knee...they have hit me...have I failed this insurrection?
    I stand a man, weapon in hand, I fire at each and every enemy
    I charge up stairs, she is not there..."The Girl!" I start to scream
    In front of me, stands a man 6 feet, with an evil look in his eye
    He wears a suit of white, thrives on fright, laughs when people die
    The girl runs out, from behind this goon, he points his gun at her
    I leap in front, a fearless stunt....the bullet pierces my armored fur
    It hit me hard, he has my card, he smiles as I lie dieing
    I peer around, see the girl's frown...she kneels above me crying
    The girl I kiss, "Leon, I wish...you had never come into my life"
    I speak through my sorrow, as tears flow,"For you..I...shall..take the knife."
    She runs away, looking back at me, as the man in white stands high
    I reach into my pocket, "Fuck it", I watch a grenade pin fly....
    .................................................. ..Slowly....we....die
    I can still hear the young girl cry...."Why?"


    "I know that the spades are swords of a soldier
    I know that the clubs are weapons of war
    I know that diamonds mean money for this art
    But that's not the shape of my heart




    *Sting-Shape of My Heart
    Here.&.There







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  2. #2
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Here.&.There







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  3. #3
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    Bump
    Here.&.There







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  4. #4
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    Up.
    Here.&.There







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  5. #5
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    No...feed.....????
    Here.&.There







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  6. #6
    YokeYaSlowPokeLocalYokel Mr. Wells's Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    That's some good stuff bro, vocab was simple but that's what made it all the better.
    I can't deal with these cats putting in words that take longer to say than to spell.
    Nice work, take a look at my work "Funky" or "Marijuana", either is fine with me.

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    Lyrical Euthanasia
    Secret Six

  7. #7
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Wells View Post
    That's some good stuff bro, vocab was simple but that's what made it all the better.
    I can't deal with these cats putting in words that take longer to say than to spell.
    Nice work, take a look at my work "Funky" or "Marijuana", either is fine with me.
    Word, I'll hit your OM up.
    Here.&.There







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  8. #8

    Re: Leon

    well..
    i liked this alot
    it had a smooth flow
    ..very consistant throughout the piece
    the imagery was ok
    it played the scenes in my head
    .. from beginning to the end
    i don't think i've seen this movie before
    .. but from how you put it
    it sounds dope

    however..
    i do feel you could've switched the rhyme scheme up in spots
    the whole "xxxA, xxxA, xxxB"
    i like the style
    .. you just abused it in this piece
    at times..

    but overall
    like i said before...
    the flow stayed pretty consistant throughout the piece
    ..so it's nothing to worry about really

    and by the way..
    i was in "front lines"
    i seen your topical posted up
    good verse
    i haven't got to read his yet
    ..because my wife asked me to help her out
    .. my daughter has a field trip goin' swimming
    i packed her swimming stuff for her
    .. but i'll get at that ASAP

    keep writin'..
    i enjoyed this..

  9. #9
    Newbie DAVICE\VERSA's Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    "Im only human...but her father's a beast".....nice

    the rest was ok imo...but add a tad bit more complexity and you should be good to go.
    INDEFINITE

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  10. #10
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    Word. thanks for the feed.

    Upped.
    Here.&.There







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  11. #11
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    BTW the movie is known as The Professional here in America.
    Here.&.There







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  12. #12
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    Re: Leon

    this was pretty long but took the time to read it and this was a pretty good bro. liked the vocab here and there didn't try to do too much here. good flow consistantly throughtout. rhymes and imagery worked together to make this an interesting peice. still felt like you could do better. so keep writing , good shit

  13. #13
    DreamSchemes Giant.'s Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    Upp.
    Here.&.There







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  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Redeye_Designz's Avatar
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    Re: Leon

    Quote Originally Posted by Open Mic Surgery View Post
    well..
    i liked this alot
    it had a smooth flow
    ..very consistant throughout the piece
    the imagery was ok
    it played the scenes in my head
    .. from beginning to the end
    i don't think i've seen this movie before
    .. but from how you put it
    it sounds dope

    however..
    i do feel you could've switched the rhyme scheme up in spots
    the whole "xxxA, xxxA, xxxB"
    i like the style
    .. you just abused it in this piece
    at times..

    but overall
    like i said before...
    the flow stayed pretty consistant throughout the piece
    ..so it's nothing to worry about really

    and by the way..
    i was in "front lines"
    i seen your topical posted up
    good verse
    i haven't got to read his yet
    ..because my wife asked me to help her out
    .. my daughter has a field trip goin' swimming
    i packed her swimming stuff for her
    .. but i'll get at that ASAP

    keep writin'..
    i enjoyed this..
    I totally agree, a switch up in places would have been nice to see
    I mean for me this was a good piece, wasn’t the best of reads I seen from you
    but it was ok, I think you have to take apart the poetical theme from
    your drops and fill in a void of actually hiphop, by maybe adding more meta's
    and taking grasp of some topical forceful punchlines to give it an edge but
    I'mma give you props because you foretold the topic well props

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    Lyrical Euthanasia

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