A Little Literal Value

[Caderyn]

A Little Literal Value

[Notice the choice of clichés used... it's a tie into the literal approach]
[Hint: Look for metaphors as well... Yes I do talk about my ass... Do you see it?]


My shit's banana's, a little nuts.. makes for me to be a bitter fuck
Why ask for my two cents, dear? When your bound to get a buck
You kinda suck & my prowess doesn't leave you to twice guess..
That my wit comes about a dime a dozen.. so by now it's priceless
Yet, I stress, that I'm right on the money, a longtime spittin icon..
I'm not bitchin Exxon, bout my black ass or the dark gold I'm sittin on
I'm wishin God, for a cheap pilot so I can avoid these geek's riot
Are they bar none the greatest? Only if it started payin to keep quiet
So shut up, just try it but if it's a race for debit, your comin last, bet it
Cause if I had a nickel, I'd be taking your cash & skippin over credit
I said it.. waitin on the economy to croak.. get as lively as a fat joke
Then I can finally invest in clichés.. to leave half of you flat broke

Call me, Warren Buffet, Jr.


Yeah, I know it's only 10 lines..
But
Clichés get tedious to find after a while

Links: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-385285.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...st-385395.html

[The Genesis]

this shit was straight, the multies were basic for the most part, some a little forced, and your cliches and metaphors would most likely go unnoticed on audio, but overall 'text' speaking it was decent. keep dropping...

[Caderyn]

this shit was straight, the multies were basic for the most part, some a little forced, and your cliches and metaphors would most likely go unnoticed on audio, but overall 'text' speaking it was decent. keep dropping...

Text and audio are completely different...

With text you can use a different set of metaphors and audio..
Text allows you to use compound wordplay whereas audio that shit would seem forced unless worded immaculately and delivered precisely...

Take it for what it is.. text..
Thanks though..
Upping..

[Caderyn]

*sigh*
.. I hate forcing smiles..

[Que-C]

what your using aren't called cliches they're called idioms,
"That my wit comes about a dime a dozen.. so by now it's priceless"
that right there is called an oxi moron because "dime a dozen" is the opposite of priceless.

the rhymes weren't crazy and it wasn't that witty or deep

[Que-C]

what your using aren't called cliches they're called idioms,
"That my wit comes about a dime a dozen.. so by now it's priceless"
that right there is called an oxi moron because "dime a dozen" is the opposite of priceless.

the rhymes weren't crazy and it wasn't that witty or deep

[Que-C]

what your using aren't called cliches they're called idioms,
"That my wit comes about a dime a dozen.. so by now it's priceless"
that right there is called an oxi moron because "dime a dozen" is the opposite of priceless.

the rhymes weren't crazy and it wasn't that witty or deep

[Que-C]

what your using aren't called cliches they're called idioms,
"That my wit comes about a dime a dozen.. so by now it's priceless"
that right there is called an oxi moron because "dime a dozen" is the opposite of priceless.

the rhymes weren't crazy and it wasn't that witty or deep

[Que-C]

my bad, computer fucked up

[IconIQ]

five in a row.. lol

but yeah i'll echo que-c in that you kinda messed up that dime a dozen reference. it started off pretty good, but the quality dropped off 5 bars in, and it seemed like you running out of ideas at that point and just kinda forcing it. some okay multies, some didn't work so well though. 1

[Caderyn]

Smh..
I was saying that as a result of having so much wit, and a dime a dozen per, that by now it's impossible to keep track/count...

Don't take them all so fuckin literally...
It's also called clichés there bud...
Anything that's been said so many times that they lost their meaning..

What I also want to know is..
Besides the 'Exxon' I don't see what MULTI'S were being forced...

The inner rhymes weren't multi's... just rhymes...
Debit/credit/bet it..

Keep/Quiet
Geek's/Riot
------------------
Fat/Joke
Flat/Broke

Yeah what a reach..
Smh..

I'm usually good with taking criticism but this is just fuckin' follow the leader... especially after I gave IconIQ some pretty good fuckin' feed on his piece...

[Bstill]

This piece was decent at best for what it was not really much here to be wow'd about but you had some decent lines here could of ben refined and worded differently to make it more vivid as readers ready u had a couple nice oxy morons here that stood out next time please dont bold certain words cause it throws ur read and rushed me to want to see what the lines were that i was gonna read as i went on straight piece


RTF
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ls-385526.html

[binbizzywitshit]

A Little Literal Value

[SIZE="1"]I'm wishin God, for a cheap pilot so I can avoid these geek's riot
Are they bar none the greatest? Only if it started payin to keep quiet
So shut up, just try it but if it's a race for debit, your comin last, bet it
Cause if I had a nickel, I'd be taking your cash & skippin over credit
I said it.. waitin on the economy to croak.. get as lively as a fat joke
Then I can finally invest in clichés.. to leave half of you flat broke

This is where it all got kinda odd, for me. The whole God/cheap pilot/geek's riot bit??? Yeah, I don't get it... but that's just me.

The begininng was decent, nothing to write home about, but it was definitely the strongest section. I can tell from this you have some nice ideas. The read, overall, seemed like you had to read it slow for it to flow smoothly. I think when people put all the italic/bold shit to emphasize punches/metaphors, it hypes up those parts like they're gonna be ill... but then they aren't... so it's a let down. So then it just looks like you highlighted what was suppose to be ill, but then it wasn't... so...

Anyhow, I think because you are using overly common phrases, no matter how you word them, it sounds like its been said before (ie. 2 cents, get a buck) so the punch isn't as strong or witty.

Nice job, hope to see more of your stuff.

-Keep up the work, it ain't good until it's over.

[Fundamentaly Sound]

Yeah it was cool, but kinda shaky on tha flow. Inconsistent, but decent. Keep doin it man

[Caderyn]

I hate the bolds too..
But if I leave them out...

Kids look at it like..
I don't get it..
What the fuck was your point..

Visual learners suck..