need feedback

[Royal-T]

ok ok royal-t bout to do my thing ok ok here we go
posted up in the truck lookin so fresh n so clean/
but im fucked up off this thick ass lean/
so spark a blunt to this just because/
n empty out a clip for the homies not with us/
stay livin wreckless never givin a fuck/
ill stab a nigga for talkin shit call me young buck/
cuz i got that target on site/
no more highschool bullshit i aint tryin to fight/
ill let the 9 send your soul in a never ending flight/
when im through with you ill give a war cry knowing/
im no indian but im a chief/





the no indian but im a chief is hard i dont give a fuck if you dont think the rap was or not you know that part is lol but leave me feedback be honest let me know whats good i dont rap or freestyle i just wrote some shit down and want to know if its any good ya feel me.

[IconIQ]

uh, nah man, your indian/chief bar really wasn't hard.

its kinda obvious you dont rap or freestyle, or you'd come up with nicer stuff then this. it sounds like an even worse regurgitation of uncle murda or somethin. your rhymescheme is as simple as it gets, i dont see any multies, i dont care about your content (ive heard this a million times, and then some - its not interesting, its played and dull, and you didnt even put a slant on it, or spice it up with nice flow, techniques or rhymes), you attempted meta and failed to draw out any potential power through poor wording.

keep trying, but please get away from the boring 'gangsta' trash content. not only does nobody care and we've all heard it, plus, you're not going to get any credibility for that kinda shit on an INTERNET forum. most real gangstas from 'tha hood' don't post on forums, they slang bricks, bust caps in asses and get locked up or shot down. 1

[TheAshganMan]

honestly that sucked big time, i mean like icon said we heard it a million times, try writing sumn different and at ur own blend to it.

[fazeT]

lmao
this was iiight
kinda sloppy and structure was way oooofff
stay up