Eyes open to the open eyes.

[Shrinq]

ayo, i light this spliff raise it up the in air
throw my lighter on the ground, take a hit I do declare
tipping back in my chair, i prepare to repair
the empty in my mind, it's what she does be aware
mary jane. the true love affair

my eyes open now, after i exhale
the smoke leaves, like a trains dust trail
i then see the world for what it is
going belly up, languish, shatter, weak and weary
its been two weeks since i've gotten some sleep
im getting weak from watching the world crumble under my feet
its fucked up that people can die in the street
they got nothing to eat
while the heads in DC got everything they would fucking need and more
while the only job for an under achieving mom is a filthy whore
the top heads get a bottle a wine here and some turkey over there
see 'em stuffing there face without a decent care
about the world and whats going on around em
lets go look for Bin laden! 9 years later still havent found him
decide to stop the search and steal Iran's oil
while children 8 and under suffer from gunshot recoil


i was there, i saw the buildings crumble to the earth
are you blind, that was as unreal as virgin birth
yeah, go ahead, pick up the newspaper full of lies
demise your eyes to the forbidden crys,
while a fake leader of america receives the Nobel peace prize
i see your fucking puppets walk around with hands above your heads
controlling you easily with supposedly invisible threads
well they can't control me, bitch im no strings attached
a new world order has already hatched
thanks to immortal technique for cutting me loose
his lyrics as deadly as a brown recluse
i can cut you down too, with some unreal physics
it's a knife that i spit out, my uncontrollable lyrics

take my hand, his, her, their hand
and we will stand
together as one, 'till they bring the lies to an end.




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...730/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...683/index.html

[Express'on]

Ok...this was straight thought it could have been a little better had sum nice little spirts throughout i think u just lack consistancy and a fluent transition to ur next thought...neways good write...

[Puma1996]

the flow was decent,work on structure abit more vocab was ight

PC was right lack of Consistency

overall good song RTF please ! thanks

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...733/index.html

^

[Half-Eye]

i thought this was nice, the fact that it was straight thought wasnt a problem but obviously it couldve been better

u had a nice little patterns and showed some lyrical dextirity. but yeh like jhh said the transition between the 2 verses wasnt very smooth, and the 2nd one was weaker.

7/10 keep doing ur thing

[Shrinq]

Thanks guys, means a lot that your givin' me tips, I'll keep writing