Blossoms.

[Clive.]

With the Earth as my seed, the only one emerging is me
I sip wine from a vine populated by the birds and the bees
I'm spoiled sick man, but I promise I won't foil this plan
I walk quick and talk slick like a freshly oiled Tin Man
For the sake of violence, I take everything I make and grind it
Then bathe in silence, and name my body after a famous island
By definition we're all surrounded, and thoughts are clouded
Fuck your train of thought, I take the long way and walk around it
And on the other side, it's me and three of another kind
We see all our brothers crimes and eat as the lovers dine
I speak with a subtle mind, and an obvious tongue
Our fathers fought for beliefs, we're all a lobbyists' son
My body is one with the war mockery spun and hypocrisy won
But logically some don't believe that I'm real or the prophecy's come
Blossoming's fun, I'd dream about moving the crowd
Today I'm smoothing 'em out.. fuck the masses, the revolution is NOW


Links:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...534/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...409/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...517/index.html

[Daughter of Gaia]

Loved the earthy beginning , the metaphorical usage is subtle, however your piece is strikingly raw, you have your own niche and your writing ability is noble. I like how you flip your thought/concept at the end.

[lunch Trae]

Favorite line
"By definition we're all surrounded, and thoughts are clouded
Fuck your train of thought, I take the long way and walk around it"

I love the beginning because it uses something everyone knows "the birds, and the bees"
some people can take that for what you mean, or even make up there own meaning.

Love this-
Our fathers fought for beliefs, we're all a lobbyists' son
My body is one with the war mockery spun and hypocrisy won
But logically some don't believe that I'm real or the prophecy's come

its real, people love someone who can tell it like it is. Nice verse

[Extinctor Draconis]

pending judgement

pray you do not feel mah wraith

[MADDNES53]

You have nice flow. Rhymes were on point. Good timing. Nice length. Try expanding your idea. Make it relatable. Speak about real issues. Give real examples. You use nice language and your post was decent. But at the end of it I forgot what you were saying. It's very decorative but does not carry much weight.

[Clive.]

Thx bra...