God took her

[BrownMoney]

new at this shit givin it a try


First day of school school seems so strange
Pops beats mom
My smile covers the pain
5 years old just trying to fit in
Life at home is so different
Cover my ears hear mom scream
Pinchin myself wishing it was a dream
but its not
So I'm begging don't make it a murder scene
You said I was a prince don't kill the queen
But he's not stopping he keeps choking
Don't know what do to I scream
Praying he would stop or that god would drop from the heavens and end his plot
But he doesn't
so I'm forced to hit him but he only chokes harder
I see my moms eyes seems like she's getting farther
away from me
Life snatched
They say god took her from me

[ItoldUIwasFat]

dude this was powerful man...you got some real potential at this you sure this is your first time? it started off kind of bland and pretty dull..but towards the meat of the subject it got really good man...no bullshit, maybe its the subject you picked but you def evoked some real emotion with your words...plus i can relate, my dad used to beat my mom and sometimes i would here him choke her after coming home drunk...i was to small to do anything but cry so if you where looking for a connection with your readers...you got it from me bro..

plz keep writing and posting dudeer

[Fatal.]

This wasn't bad for your first drop here...i found the feelings/emotion to be the strong point of your presentation. i could instantly see what you were portraying with the struggle and troubles. The things that i thought this was lacking was more depth to it, and maybe broaden the horizon with more vivid words or something to give it more creativity. but overall not bad, keep at it bro

[BrownMoney]

thanks guys

[Chinese]

I connected with the emotion of your lines bro, could definitely feel it. Keep it up ^^.

[Madbeats]

Sounds almost lyrical. Dug it.

[BrownMoney]

Thanks guys
I'll keep getting better

[BrownMoney]

bump