Back to Tulsa

[Spartacus]

There's something bout the way I love you, 'at you don't want me to do cuz every time I do you say its over.
And there's something bout the way you love me, makes you feel like you're above me and I wonder if that's why you left me in Tulsa.
You said you didn't have patience for this, rain on my head on our front porch and you didn't even look over your shoulder:
I'll admit I may have lost it, staring into your empty closet, and its hard to believe that its really over

You been gone a while now, and still find it hard to smile now, you wouldn't even believe it if I told ya
The locks ain't changed,my address is the same, just in case your mind changed and you made it back this way.... to Tulsa.

Baby, I changed everythang, everythang except my name, I know that you believe in me don't ya?
If you'd have stayed, it woulda stayed the same but it was just to much for you to take and every mistake seemed to make you grow a lil bolder
And the Oklahoma skies got room to spare, maybe you and I just share the same tear And maybe the both of us were at fault here..


You been gone a while now, and still find it hard to smile now, you wouldn't even believe it if I told ya
The locks ain't changed,my address is the same, just in case your mind changed and you made it back this way.... to Tulsa.


Baby, I hope you find your self in Minnesota, you'll find your self writing won't ya? And my name will be at the top of the page
You'll press your lips to paper, and now its a whole year later, and I'm sorry that I don't still feel the same way
Cuz you been gone for a while now, I found a reason to smile now, it all happened just like I told ya
And now you're outta sight and outta mind, and I don't care if you ever find your way back this time....to Tulsa

You know I always thought your sister was prettier anyway...

[Zen the Dude]

Have you ever heard Red House by Hendrix? For some reason I was reminded of this as I read it and had no idea why and then I really thought about it after the ending lol.

Now to your feed. I wasn't overwhelmed by the lyricism of this piece by any means because this wasn't intended to be that kinda piece of work by any means. This was meant to convey the emotions of love, love lost, and new love and it did that job well. With that being said it could have been done better in my opinion with a little more variety in the writing instead of restating what's already been said before with only changing a few words. As a reader, in my opinion of course, it makes a little dull to read the same thing a few times. With that being said, this was a good piece and would sound great as a song actually since you already have a hook for it as well. Keep dropping man. Interested to see more of your work.

[Spartacus]

Those are, uh, those are choruses. Music theory? No? No bells?
OK, anyway, its actually a country song anyway, lol. If that helps.
But thank you for your feedback. Thoroughly appreciated.

[Zen the Dude]

Did you not see the part where I said you already had the hook? Considering half of this is the chorus it does get repetitive reading it which is why I suggested audio would be better. My feed wasn't negative so why be a smart ass? lol

Anyway I'd appreciate feed on my piece Legion if you get a chance.

[Spartacus]

Because I am a smart ass....

[Child-Raising Badass]

pretty decent drop gives alot to the imagination, now u got me thinking of Tulsa lol

[Spartacus]

Its a country boys paradise. Its small enough to be country, and big enough that u don't have to drive ten miles for groceries.