Enoch Light - A song for you (1) - NO

[Jukon]

hello

that’s all I can muster to say
socializing is a game im often too flustered to play
its no wonder my times spent scraping through days
seconds, weeks, years just went fading away
so I parade my apathy just to see what they say
actually made peace, gift wrapped it and gave it away
pray to false idols. get drunk. hey man, I’m just saving the day
motionless. residual life stuck in constant replay
everything’s nonsense. or either im lost in a way
so if you can steer me out of here, I promise ill pay
once I motivate myself to find work and get paid
ill certainly try, maybe, but why work for a wage?
why live? why die? I question why I was made
God broke the mold making me while I was breaking an egg
dirty dishes in the sink, god, I gotta get laid
fuck it. . im afraid I’ll end up doing what I usually say
maybe write a song, a verse, or draw a line on a page
then post it online to show what ive accomplished today
so here it is . .

a song about nothing, lame, and obviously vague

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zBqxgfZayu...king-a-bow.jpg

thank you

[Nohbody]

if im honest with myself, and everyone on the panel. .

this verse is not HOF worthy

it was a fun concept and a fun little scribe, but thats all it should be credited for. It does not meet the standards of what a HOF verse should be.

[Emily]

I have to agree with Enoch. Well said. But its bloody good though lol.
I like it. It's got a lot going for it. It's short and sweet in melody, but I'd want more core, for hof.
Good stuff though Enoch.

v - no


That last line, mind you, was brilliant. And then add the picture lol mixed with the 'thank you' at the end, perfect.
Love that attitude that shows through.

[KnowP]

two no's on a good piece from great writers....

closed