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Originally Posted by Wuxia
Yeah
1916
Enclosed by eight foot walls constructed of wood, earth and sand
A mother shouldn’t birth a front line solider but here we stand
On the Eve of battle, consuming ale to delay the suffering
Passing the wine skin to my childhood friend, my brother and kin
Josh was his name, full of laughter he always berates
Ever since we were playful kids on the east London estates
He now wears the wedding ring gifted from my sister
Drunkenly we sing songs about how we’ve missed her
Conscripted to war on foreign shores far from home
Josh felt no allure but wouldn’t let me go alone
Now trained killers i say “I love you more than you could know”
Awaiting the arrival of dawn… when the whistle would blow
As the sun threatened to turn night to day
I cast a gaze upon the field on which we’ll fight today
Lands that were likely so green and fertile once before
Reduced to nothing, nature’s casualty in man’s war
The smell of gunpowder was about to champion this summer’s day
And hell to descend whilst the devil comes to play
The screech of the whistle began our advance
I saw tears in josh’s eye as I stole a last glance
He pushed me to the floor, the saviour god sent to me
And I watched his skin pierced by the bullet meant for me
The rest of the assault felt a life time - but I had known
It’s was only four months later and I was destined for home
…alone
It should’ve been a mere happy return to the English country side
But as I saw my sister a tear escaped my eye
A surprise I saw in her arm, a miniature josh rather
A pregnancy that was unknown to me and the father
The hero of the Somme is what we called josh at home
To my best mate’s child; that he would never have known
War is cruel, why did it have to be that way?
Why did josh have to sacrifice his life for my own?
I wish it was me who died that day
….and he who returned home
This was pretty dope. Mechanically, it was simple but clean. The plot here was deep. Great character developement, creative take on the 1912 topic. I definitely felt this.
This was a great written with good progression. On point front to back honestly and I didn't fall off once reading through it. The character's reflectiveness and the "reveal" at the end was well written. I enjoyed the wording here. It felt cleaner to read this than your drop last week, and I like this style for you here.. the rhyming was on point and didn't throw off the wording or story one bit. The narrator in the story was easy to relate to and follow, which just made it feel more real as you're reading.. good work.
The story in itself was a fantastic read. Simplistic with shards of greatness sprinkled through out the verse. You kept it sharp and tight from start to finish. Kept it clean and though sometimes the rhymes seems a bit daft to the cadence the imagery and content laid still spoke of a wonderful story and piece to read. The diction and story seemed to be known already and displayed with great detail and storytelling narrative. Good job
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
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