I know steels but I only get a long with one of them… maybe 2 and like… they’re even spelling thru me too type hostage. I used to be able to smell them bitches. I rather die than to have anything to do with the creed that raped me in my own born city to even begin with.
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I can bench a steel with my legs though… ask him
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I was having a good morning… then I felt stalked. Like everytime I’m with my ex our friend calls me type weird. I don’t want him like that but he protects me, I respect him, i was hit when I lived with him, we have the eye, I trust him, I love his family and like… if I had my way he’d be our creed too…
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I hate the man popping my ear and causing me physical pain too… and like… if I was a wolf I’d have magic in my blood and be able to get him off of and away from me. That’s why I say it’s like being held hostage. They deleted Ms station off my xm… they hurt me anytime I came close to waking up… I can’t even count how many times I’ve hit insanity and like… I want to be my best me… this is my worst me being forced to share my body and kiss my hands and stuff… and after 8 years do you know how tired I am?
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And people on the side lines acting like it’s just a sport?
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And then some racist wanna act like I had to see what it’s like to have lived a slave route?!!? Are we even serious right now? And I think he’s white too… if that’s what’s up I’m a hang him from a church staple for real! If they’re black im just gonna say now you’re no better cause you would’ve done it too…
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My ear popped and my entire head, face, and neck is in excruciating pain. Why won’t my ghosts find and kill him though?
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I rather die
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It’s hurts so bad right now!!!!
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And I don’t know how to protect myself from them and my old friends
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I don’t want to lay down with my hands to my face trying to stop the pain… I wanted to watch all eyez on me and be able to get thru a movie without hitting pause every 10 minutes because the noise is irritating. Typing words to myself like it’s ok to just demand to share my body… I didn’t sign up for or agree to none of this shit
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And them stalking ass bitches talking about they scared like this shit just some dismissive thrill ride
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Like bitch… what do I owe you more than my own daughter… please speak and state why you think and swear and demand to be more important than everyone in my family and creed
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Like I didn’t even already go thru enough…
YouTube Video:
Click here to view on youtube
I was chilling in the crib one day
When 5 birds came and chased me away
I guess in a way, you can say
A lil birdy told me
That he was about to scold me
What I do? I was just keeping it real
Is it cause I realized in utter famine and thirst one will steal?
My neighbor couldn’t even give me a free glass of water
And of all that brought to me this new world order
A world that opened up and turned on me
Fuck what they in to, I wasn’t even trying to see
Ran out the door and was knocked down the stairs
Trying to keep cool on the block ignoring their stares
Then hell opened up and it turned into an inferno
Felt the heat penetrate my skin
To the point of desinigration
Turned the corner saw kids playing in the yard
So I gave up and said fuck it for them I am scarred
No sense of watching an innocent suffer, not given a chance
So look this white girl in the face and tell me it’s my last dance
Felt the smack, from my own father, an attack
And now, I am not even trying to make up for where I lack
Instead I turned around and said ok
If this is the way you wanna play
Instinct took over, I hardly had to think
I stared hard at the bitch recording me as I sipped my drink
Number one… thall shall not murder? … Ok
You really wanna play?
Off to the mall and around the block
I chose my weapon – hardly a glock
Drove to the scene
Yet somehow my heart still found a way to intervene
Eye to eye I fear no man
But what was said was so real, I began to understand
Looking back, all my memories flashed before me
Like that time dude slipped me a micky
It didn’t click until coming out of surgery that day
That when I woke I didn’t realized I was touched as I lay
Once a victim, the pattern is constant, I can name 3
3 motherfucking times I begged a motherfucker not to penetrate me
Trying hard to convince my body not to lock, it just makes it hurt more
So off to that other world my mind started to soar
I continued to look back on my life, my footprints in the sand
When I see my own I was carried? Now that shit I can’t fucking stand
Friends that I’d give my life for turned their backs and closed their doors
Laughing at the demons who picked me back up yet forgetting all yours
Shit got ill penning in my notebook
Codes that were written left me visibly shook
Abandoned by almost every one
I lived for nothing and then I was done
I was propositioned, I saw it my only way out
At this point I was a suicidal bitch without a doubt
Eventually, I learned how to deal with the real
My heart beats heavy some nights, just to remind me I still feel
I don’t know why I forgave my father yet again
But just when I was out, I heard the slaves cry --- so I jumped back in
Leave those who saved me?
Never, then what example or lesson would I be?
Now you wanna trick me?
Give orders out just to be a dick B?
My own brethren turn around and beat me?
All because this bitch wanna defeat me?
I tried to tell myself the humilitation of it all made me a better person
But feeling so fake and so weak, and still to get fucked over, that’s when it hurts then
But don’t they know… the reaper my best friend
I cloak up and ride just to make the offer with him
I ain’t afraid to lose my head to the sword
He even send me reminders, felt the roll, and what redemption my reward?
So I studied, stayed real, and conversated with ghosts and the best of them
Traced like over 1000 confessions, them begging me to justify them
I see it --- I see almost every angle
You no longer have me nor have that carrot to dangle
Pac said a flower grows in the concrete and showed me a pic
I even heard one grow in a dark room in a lyric by Kendrick
We never run in the city we come from
But I refuse to let these weak ass motherfuckers make me look dumb
Do you know my drills?
You think I let go just for the thrills?
I let go to remind them, any day, any time
And that isn’t just over my God given talent to rhyme
You can’t judge me for looking back to the times when I was most happy
Why would I betray the brotherhood that spawned me?
I want my position back
I think I’ve earned where I lack
Don’t get me wrong… I don’t have an ounce of hate in my heart
But don’t you dare question when, where, how, or why I called this war to start
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Apologize
YouTube Video:
Click here to view on youtube
(start at violin)
The hardest of hearts, the hand that’s been showing
Now I don’t claim to be knowing
LOVE, the same love we both seek of
Turning each other out game after game
Both of us should be hanging our heads in shame
When hurt, we shut down, not realizing when real come back round
We hurt real, then real then hurt too
The reverse touche come back around on you
Real gonna scratch her nails down his back praying that you feel it
While hurt gonna go in and go in, he praying his heart you just steal it
But it’s too late…
But in the end, no one wins
We both left with feeling of sins
Then comes the debate
The hate
The sat-ism
Cause I’m afraid to go through that pain again too
ICE cold, I become, the same thing that I was always so jealous of you
Then you find it was all just an act
How you sit back and not react
And so it go… until real recognize real again
Only real can’t steal what real just cannot feel
So she turns and retreats regretfully
So you try to rearrange the damage that’s been done
And you find that special one
Only he? He’s done
What’s there left to do but run
Cause I’m afraid… And it’s too late
Now I make love with cold stares while rolling my eyes whispering sweet nothings
Love don’t live here no more, anymore, ever again but at least my heart no longer stings
Realizing I can’t get real and true without bringing someone else that hurt too
So cold as ICE I lay back, open my legs, as I take off my shirt
I stare at the ceiling and look to God as he slowly insert
Trying hard not to cry, knowing I probably just lost my last allibi
So I pretend
Cause real still recognize real - but real just ain’t no longer a friend
And I pray and I pray and I pray for it all just to end
And I don’t expect you to comprehend
And I don’t expect you to mend me
And I don’t expect you to really see
And I don’t expect love to ever be… again
And it’s just way too late to apologize… PIMPS
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Nah I wasn’t a prostitute that was just dating…
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I’m so done…
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Everything was fine I was writing… had to step off a sec trying to reestablish a home for myself in Norwalk and like shit just popped the fuck off and I’m still spinning down 8 years later - straight hell
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We have a family text now and we zoom every Sunday… it feels good to keep close and talk to my family again… we’ve been separated and hardly speak since… me and my sister stayed tight though but we even started falling off communication wise. My dad brought his family back together in death. And has been turning on and off tvs at our house and unplugging my cell charger every day.
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I just don’t understand why he won’t kill the man popping my ear and abusing me in the name of god
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To be honest… idk yet
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I feel it’s them demanding to wake me up instead is what’s making me so sick
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I don’t even want to get dressed right now again… stuff like that that is so hard and not even like me… like my room is out of order… I have laundry… I haven’t taken out the garbage… and I can’t even function in not clean like
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I want to be my best me… not my worst and most sick me
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He just wanna abuse a bitch then force himself on her to hug and kiss her… like bill bill buffalo bill go tuck your dick over there cause really I’m not the one
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Example… when someone kept coming in my home in Nc and I only knew like 4 people in the state… eating my food and all… so I baked a cake with peanut oil cause my ex is allergic. I will kill you on the police station lawn and turn myself in easy!! I can and will not ever tolerate abuse again… I have zero tolerance
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Like these bitches refuse to comprehend there is nothing sweet over here…
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I used to laugh at work like nah Cheryl you can’t choke bitches so I learned other ways to manager that too… but
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And it is fucked up cause I’m chill wanna have and get along with most people…
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Want to have fun*
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I feel burned for accepting people and their faults but like
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IDK