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Originally Posted by Wuxia
Burp.
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
Animal farm
It’s hard to believe the human race was conceived
From Adam and Eve;
Sporting the freshest garms comprised of leaves
Should animal farm be a tv show - and that’s life’s reason
Would there still be any viewers on the 2,022nd season?
Or has the show lost its way? Should’ve stuck to its roots
With the snake, the apple tree and forbidden fruits
Simplistic times, before they invented dimes and life was easy
Now they boast Gucci belts; slave and commit crimes for Yeezys
When men were forced to build shelter to keep nature at bay
And hunt for food; instead they seek drugs to occupy their day
The devil will make work for idle hands and the purpose we lack
Child support and welfare funding the working class’ crack
Orwell didn’t predict we’d buy the cameras ourselves and be wallowing
In social media, and our greatest fear, that nobody would be following
The same lives, mistakes and strives rinsed and repeated
Like the stack of dirty plates in the sink is never depleted
a school playground, children fighting and biting friends
Mirrored in the reflection of politicians, will it ever end?
World leaders bicker, but when we act in the same way…
…after a couple of bitters, forced in cuffs and taken away
The average joe isn’t destroying the ozone layers
the smartest humans to walk the earth are the key players
The cycle of Mother Nature is near completion
And the human race…face extinction
But the irony?
We’re the best equipped in history to survive the insurmountable
But the only people capable to find the solutions…
…are the ones to hold accountable
She once said…
.. to smile; it makes it harder to see.
Not knowing of what she meant
Even with a blue collar degree.
Wind particles whispering
above the whistling tree,
Hindering the thought
of what being happy could be.
Transparent but it was just that
words to a feather,
Scrupulous pleasure that lent
midnight words to be severed.
This was a courier effort
And it was message received.
Quarter passed that given time,
As light descended and gleamed ..
… the silence of a puttering organ
That tuned itself to sleep.
Laid to the rest every doubt
Of ones true ounce of love to be seen.
It used to be white picket fences
With laughter and joy ringing,
Waves amidst the sun rays,
While the church bells were singing.
Hallelujah- the greatest ode
To a home with no foundation,
Just wishing wells as they
Wished well in silence for segregation.
.
.
.
Time and time again the life flashes became astounding,
I tripped here and fell there, her excuses to him was arousing.
The common folk saw the klutz while he saw desperation,
A relation only works when both sides are in participation.
Well, he did his part and to the naked eye it’s was a piece of art,
The magnitude of his symbolism was death to a weary heart.
His antics became a habit regardless of how she felt,
She’d walk along the pavement with a smile to sell.
Stretched from ear to hear but it was her best cry for help.
Called it Parkinson’s as the last feeling of love was her everlasting hell.
”Fly me to the moon
.. and let me dance among the stars”
He finally granted her wish
And as he was escorted to the backseat.
He whispered to the moon,
I’ll see you soon my love and we can finally be happy.
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
This ones pretty close. Spoken had a really solid pace, good flow and displayed lots of prose. But I liked Slayerrs take on his topic more, and felt like it resonated with me alot more.
Vote - Slayerr
So. Here's the thing. And excuse me for being brief but I'm doing this on my phone. IF Spoken had a stronger ending. He would've swept this. I liked the Sinatra quote but after that it felt like it was a bit rushed or underwhelming. Could've been deeper especially following the parkinson's reveal. The rest of the piece was beautiful and weaved nicely. Not your best work but still really good. Now. With that being said. Slayerr dropped one of the best technical pieces I've seen from him. The concept was cliche af, but the writing was smooth and though the rhyme scheme came and went, when it was dropping multis, it was solid. His ending hit better imo though it was more predictable than the parkinson's approach. BUT... For the better overall read I still gotta say Spoken. Felt more consistent and poetically smoother. It's nothing Slayerr did wrong, he's just technically outmatched by a guy that's been doing this a long time. Good battle gents.
Vote spoken
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Originally Posted by Wuxia
Yeah this is suuuuper close for me man. Because I feel like Slayerr had a fuller and easier to read piece for me. The whole thing felt like it had a strong purpose and was sort of a modernized take on the state of the world today through a bleak and sort of helpless perspective..looking on it all in a way that says “we never predicted this” and has a “where do we start?” outlook. Really good writing.
Spoken read more like a love story that turned into a lost love story. There was a lot of raw emotion and poetic writing for this drop and it was less modernized and more poetically charged with the language. The writing was good. There were a couple of smaller spots where it felt like there was an extra word or maybe a odd phrase, but I was feeling it the whole time I was reading.
It’s hard to pick in this one and I feel like it could go any direction. Hard to say! But for me here I’m gonna go with
Vote Slayerr just be a sliiiight edge for me. I enjoyed reading both. Tough to pick.
I feel like Slayerr had a cool take on this but overall the concept was played albeit well executed. The rhyme scheme dip taper off at times and it made it harder for me to read at times than Spoken’s. I thought Spokens was more unique and more fluid to read but his ending was not beholden to the rest of the writing. It seemed so abrupt.
This is a hard battle to vote on. I feel like I was supposed to help decide this but I’m leaning to Spoken as the winner. I felt more of a connection to his piece.
V/ Spoken
AI
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Next vote wins.
@Emily @Mimic @SELF ACTIVATE @Justice Grimm
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Originally Posted by Wuxia
Spoken, that was beautifully written. I read it twice, really needs another read because the second was better than the first and the third would be better than the second and so on...duh...obviously. But with the two times I read it it got lit up more bright and shone like the gem it is. I found a typo maybe ...I'm not sure ...Laid to the rest every doubt?? Should it be ...Laid to rest every doubt? I'm not sure but in my head the word 'the' isnt needed. Regardless of that crappy feedback on a scummy maybe typo, I found the diction in this painted such a lovely picture of love and loss, but not even loss because of the future continuous love that's confirmed. The parkinsons line for me was neither here nor there, its the story that way overwhelmed this tale, not imo so much that detail, that just put the nail in the coffin and cemented her demise with a valid reason. I found the outro really lovely, that last paragraph. Also found the beat/rhymes were well placed and the flow was for the most part really smooth. I didn't end up with weird stagnation or hic-ups tbh, so for that ... hat off to you.
Slayerr, I really like your take on animal farm and the chaos the world is in. I appreciate your rhymes and the use of current day wording showcasing how messed up society is today. There's an awakening situation going on in your piece which is smart because it really is a slap in the face when its worded like that, honestly, raw and organic. I felt you had so much to say and you said it well. Sometimes I felt a bit of an emotional detachment though...like the words were there but the emotion didn't hit me like the spoken piece. I think that this is such a close call. Both pieces were very well written, wonderfully thought out, but at the end of the day the one that I'll go with is the one that resonated with me more.
For the reasons I've stated above, once again great match fellas, and thank you for the read.
V Spoken
Spoken wins. Nice battle gents.
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Originally Posted by Wuxia
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